A Bowl of Stupid

(coming soon to a Hooters near you)

I just got finished booking the flight to my next extended destination after I return from Krabi, Thailand next week.

In an attempt to avoid the crowded "surfer-madness" fiasco of Western Indonesia — where several new airports have increased the number of surfers exponentially just in the past year alone — this time I'm heading to Kupang, in West Timor, Indonesia, which from what I hear is also great but still generally uncrowded (possibly due to the civil unrest in adjacent East Timor).

From there, my general plan is to stay on the remote islands of Sumba and Rote (or Roti), and possibly pay a visit to East Timor itself (depending on the state of affairs in the country, since last month many analysts stated that East Timor may be on the path to becoming a failed state).

As an aside, if I ever have the desire to get an office job ever again (I may have to get a job at some point in the next 4-5 years), I'm pretty damn sure I can make it as an "adventure traveler" travel agent.

I've only been at this a short time, and already I'm getting pretty good at figuring out what airlines fly into these remote airports, arranging ferry transport from the mainlands (the ferry between Kupang and Rote sank last year, killing dozens), and otherwise trying figure out how to get some place where there aren't a gazillion other people looking for the same thing you are.

With that said, after figuring out my trip route, I had to walk about 1-2 kilometers over to the local Singapore offices of an Indonesian airline called "Lion Airlines" (they don't allow you to book and pay online).

On my way back to the apartment (which is immediately adjacent to a major restaurant area that attracts many tourists), I came across an absurdly large number of people who were obviously, obviously American (the same thing applies to Americans as it does to bad poker players: "If you can't spot the sucker the first 5 minutes you're at the table, then you are the sucker."). And they all look exactly the same.

After a second, it hit me.

The U.S. Navy is in town.

I don't know what vessels, I don't know how many. But these guys stick out like a big, greasy, testosterone-laden sore thumb.

Please don't take that the wrong way, as my well wishes and prayers go out to all members of the U.S. military everywhere (especially right now, given their involuntary commitment in Bush's war of terrorism), but:

Not that I'm Mister "World Traveler" here, and I don't wish to disrespect any of my military cohorts — past, present, or future — but for the love of everything holy, if you don't want to attract attention to yourselves, you may way to go somewhere else besides the only goddamn McDonalds, Starbucks, Olive Garden, and Hooters in a 50 square kilometer radius.

Moreover, to those military guys who joined up in order to "see the world" (a respectable and obviously understandable position, as well), allow me to provide another recommendation, if I may:

You may also want to consider trying out some other type of food, entertainment, or experience that you can't get down the street from where you grew up back in the States.

Try some damn chicken fried rice or some duck porridge, for the love of god. Go hang out and have a bottle of wine and a smoke out at the local hookah house. Walk around the city and take in the sights down in Little India.

But please, do not, do not, do not head to "Go", collect your US$200, and make a beeline straight to the nearest Hooters for a burger, fries, and a Budweiser and pretend you're back in Bum-Fuck, Kansas.

Go ahead and try some of the other shit the world has to offer - trust me, you'll like it. And in the end, you'll thank me.

However, if you're still having trouble adapting, that's okay, I guess — why don't you go over to Plaza Singapura and watch the new "Transformers" movie — cuz that shit rocked!!

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