May 11 2007
The Forgettable Fire
As was aptly noted by Vanessa Byers earlier this week (while I was off on a 3 day bender), the entire State of Florida has been on fire for about a week now.
Specifically, forestry officials state that 236 wildfires rage in 55 of the state's 67 counties.
Those fires, in conjunction with the southernly blowing winds from the first (sub)tropical storm of the year, Andrea, turned all of South Florida into a smoky, hazy morass for most of the week.
Not to totally disregard the negative repercussions of these fires to thousands of innocent Floridians, but the fact the entire State of Florida is on fire seems to me the most fitting end to my time here in the State.
An entire state on fire? Just as I'm planning to leave — possible forever?
How fucking appropriate is that?
It's almost as if nature is acting as my own personal Cortez, thus ensuring my departure as the only means of long-term survival.
And quite frankly, I could care less. All I know is that I've never been so glad I'm leaving Miami.
UPDATE: [P.S.] Just in case anyone was wondering, I had absolutely nothing to do with any of those fires. Really. No … really!
Hah, you said “morass”…..
You should take a slow motion video of yourself walking away from Florida as Hell reclaims it.
Maybe while carrying a guitar case with Salma Hayek next to you.
Matt’s final days:
“Great! Glad you like the place. Yup, that’s the price. Sure, you can buy it. What? You want to buy my furniture, too? Absolutely. I’ll throw in all the appliances. You’re gonna love it here, I’m telling you. The weather, the women, the water. Oh, did I forget to mention that it’s going to be a white-hot fireball in about 48 hours? Yeah. You’re fucked, buddy. Me? No, I’m outta here. But seriously, enjoy the house before it burns to the ground, sucker.”
*sound of screeching tires*
Again with the making me spit coffee on my keyboard…..thanks.
Nothing to do with it? Yeah, right.
If the fires stop after you leave….hmmm…I’m just saying, inquiring minds want to know why.
So where ya headed chief?
Dude, I’ll do pretty much ANYTHING if it involves Salma Hayek.
And T, yes - you’ve no idea just how close to the truth I felt about that, especially driving back from the closing just when all the smoke started pouring into Miami from the fires. I was like “holy crap, I got out of Sodom and Gommorah right before they were stricken by the hand of god.” (which I had nothing to do with, V).
Hey Tish, my plans for now? Phoenix (here now), then Vegas/L.A., then Singapore, then Indonesia, then Thailand, then Cambodia, then Indo again. From there, it’s wherever the hermaphroditic hookers take me.