Apr 09 2007
Chase people, not life
No doubt you’ve all seen the next health life book to come out, CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s Chasing Life. Why are people always flocking to buy this stuff? Don’t you have enough common sense to know what’s good for you? Why do you need to read a book to tell you how to live right? Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot from books, like how to effectively operate my digital camera to how to put together a hasty ambush in an urban environment. Books are great.
I am continually enthralled at the money there is to be made in giving advice that your mother and grandmother gave to you when you were little. Eat your vegetables; a little wine is good for you, always walk everywhere if you can, avoid McDonalds, don’t gamble, etc. Americans are seemingly obsessed with living “healthy” and they all want to live to be 100. Why? Why on God’s green earth do you want to be an old phucker wearing diapers and sucking food down with a straw? Most old people I’ve known started bitching when they turned 75, and their zest for life went out the window. In the later stages they just wanted to die. I don’t want to live to be 100, my life is pretty miserable right now, so why give myself more years of crap and sorrow and loan payments? Oh sure, watching the grandchildren grow up, and seeing a few more sunsets is good, but those moments are fleeting, and the grandkids are not that excited to see you unless you give them presents or have something fun for them. Most of them can’t even stand the smell of you. And the little brats you raised probably want to get out of there too; they are too busy with their own lives and wanting to live to be 100.
But if you really want to be 100 or live a healthier, happier life here are some suggestions, and it might save you a few dollars as my advice is free. I’ll add this disclaimer that I am not 100, and that the suggestions I give you are purely speculative, unproven, and untested.
1) Eat your vegetables, and I don’t mean drink a V-8, I mean eat real vegetables like broccoli and cauliflower, carrots, etc.
2) Sit down with your family when you eat meals. A meal around the dinner table facilitates good grooming and manners, and may help your child become more disciplined and socially adapt. It’s also a good way to get to know each other and catch up on what is going on in everybody’s life.
3) Drink red wine in moderation. Not only does it help your heart or some shit like that, but it also moves the conversation along and sometimes even makes the missus look pretty good again. Don’t overdo it and be an asshole.
4) Diet drinks are not going to help you loose weight, who knows what chemicals you are putting into your body, drink plenty of water instead.
5) Everything in moderation, there are people who gain weight from eating fat free or diet foods because they think they can now eat without gaining weight because it’s “fat free.” Don’t be an idiot, you’ll gain weight if you eat and eat. When I think the good life and moderation I think of the French or the Italians who drink a lot of wine, eat a lot of fattening food, but remain healthy and thin. They walk a lot, and they work a lot outside.
6) Exercise, it’s really good for you. If you don’t have time how about walking up the stairs at work, parking far away at the grocery store, or just plain taking a stroll. Steps add up.
7) Try to relax and get enough sleep. This is hard in today’s fast-paced environment, but you will not be effective unless you get the rest that you need. 20 minute naps during the day have been proven to be effective.
8) Read books instead of watching TV. Reading will not only stimulate your brain and imagination, but it is an active process that flexes your brain muscles rather than passively watching the dumb tube. You might even become smarter and impress a coworker.
9) The Golden Rule works treat others as you’d want to be treated. Of course that doesn’t mean go up and rub your body against hot cheerleaders, you perv, or something freaky like that, but try not to be an asshole if somebody takes the last pot of coffee, and please replace the toilet roll if you use the last one.
10) Live within your means and try not to get into debt. Credit card debt will add up really quickly, but if you only spend money you have in your bank account your finances will be better, try getting a VISA check card if you don’t always have cash on hand.
11) Laugh a lot. Laughing can prolong your life and seriously improve your mood. I watch the Comedy Central and my coworkers a lot and they are always good for a laugh. So is trolling for funny videos on YouTube.
12) Quit reading advice from people you don’t know on the internet. There are some real freaks out there, and quite a few pervs.
13) Don’t try to keep up with the young folks, act your age, and don’t wear clothing that is not appropriate for your age, or size. You don’t want to traumatize somebody.
14) Quit trying to chase life. Life happens, you will get old, and don’t waste your life reading about it, instead experience every moment of it. Get out of your comfort zone. Meet new people, see new places, and make a difference in somebody’s life. Who knows, somebody might make a difference in yours.
“Why are people always flocking to buy this stuff? Don’t you have enough common sense to know what’s good for you? Why do you need to read a book to tell you how to live right? Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot from books, like how to effectively operate my digital camera to how to put together a hasty ambush in an urban environment. Books are great.”
I’m not trying to attack you but that is a very general and bold statement. People buy these things as a source of entertainment, learning, and for help. Not all people are as lucky as you to know what to do about certain topics on health. Sure there are exceptions to every rule, but what if you were obese and just needed a guide to keep you in order? This type of book just helps you get into the routine of doing it and not just saying you are going to do it. Have you ever heard of the Bible? That is a guide for Christians to try and live their life by and it was written thousands of years ago. Same goes for the qu’ran(sp?) etc. People just need something to remind them of what they used to be like to make them feel happy and/or guide them to happiness. Happiness is success.
Sorry, Dean, not buying it. I think that Shark’s entire post could have been abbreviated to simply say: Use some damn common sense. Not that I didn’t enjoy reading your post, Brother Shark, because I definitely did.
But if people need a bible to remind them to be nice to others, or if they need a self-help book to remind them to exercise or not stuff their goddamn face all day, then we are effectively screwed as a society. Reading should be for education and enrichment, certainly. But for god’s sake, there is common sense being tossed around everywhere you look. You should have learned most of the important stuff by this point in your life (assuming you’re over the age of 18). If we need to read some schlock doctor’s advice on how to not be a moron, then guess what?
You’re a moron.
Not you specifically, Dean. I meant “you” in the sense of those of you who need this kind of help. And I’m not crapping on the Bible, either. I think people who use it as a meditative tool and a means to get closer to God, that’s great. Super. But people shouldn’t need to read it to remind them not to be an asshole.
Man, I really need to simmer the hell down. I’m sorry everyone, I’m usually quite delightful.
Yeah, that golden rule … that’s a good one.
As was demonstrated by the delightful commentary
I think it was Denis Leary who was going to write a self-help book
titled “Shut the Fuck Up”.
Dean’s comments were honest and forthright. You had no right to attack those comments.
You come off as a young - and hence as you state in your blog title -utterly stupid brash “I-know-it-all” moron. God Bless You !
Don’t be obtuse, Geoffrey. I didn’t attack Dean, I merely disagreed with him.
I love how people like you can call me a moron, call me stupid, tell me to go fuck myself, and then finish it with God Bless You and that somehow makes it ok. Spare me. If you want to call me names, fine. But don’t pretend to be a good Christian while doing it. If you’re gonna tell someone to go fuck themselves, then just do it like a grown up and don’t hide behind your religion to make people think that you’re the mature one.
Like this:
go fuck yourself, Geoffrey.
This series of posts has convinced me that this blog has THE most accurate name in the entire blogosphere!! Spot on. Dead on. A big bowl of Stupid. mmmmmm……stupid.