Jul 16 2007
Kuta, Bali … It’s Australian For “Shithole,” Mate!
(Kuta, Bali, Indonesia — Advertising SOME Fucking Surfer-Tourist Thing)
Transcribed/Modified: Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 2:59:40 PM
Once again, I’m backdating some of my entries because I’ve only just returned to a locale with electricity access, allowing me to recharge my laptop batteries.
After leaving Banco Banco (Desert Point), I’m currently on Gili Trawangan, one of 3 of the small “Gilli” partially self-governed islands right off the coast of Lombok, Indonesia (Trawangan, Gili Meno, and Gili Air). The afternoon call to prayer is going off in the background, and I’m enjoying for the first time in a week the pleasure of sitting in a hotel room with electricity, a a fan, indoor plumbing, and running water.
(A view looking into one of the various bars on Gili Trawangan, one in which they only serve Bintang, not Mushy shakes … thank god).
There is no surf here, but I’ve taken up with several Australian surfers traveling the area who decided to come here for several days to “wait out” the surf forecast, which shows no surf in the area for at least several days. In the meantime, I figure I’ll write about the hellhole that is Kuta, Bali.
Kuta, Bali
As I noted earlier, I typically like traveling with little to no prior preparation. However, I’ve never been to Bali before and didn’t want to be stranded at the airport asking a random Cabbie to “take me to a surf spot on the island.”
As such, I chose to make arrangements to get transport to, and stay at, a relatively cheap hotel in Kuta/Legion Beach, in south Bali, just south of the Denpasar Airport. Although I wasn’t keen on it at the time, in retrospect, it was a good idea.
South Bali (which includes Denpasar and Kuta) is an absolute shithole.
It’s not a shithole in that it was dirty and “third–worldish” (which it sorta is). It’s more of a shithole because of the ungodly number of tourists there, the corresponding shops, hucksters, cabbies, bebos, drug dealers, bars, and restaurants there to cater to the tourists every wanton desire. Blatant commercialism has taken over the area for apparently a very long time.
Shit, I’ve not even seen that kind of mayhem in some of the more crowded areas in Central and South America. Kuta, Bali was simply a mess.
Regardless, I stayed at a reasonable hotel several blocks away from Legion (leg-ee-on) Beach (which is known for having an “okay” beach surfbreak).
The first day in Bali, out of sheer necessity, I paid about US$20.00 to the same driver who picked me up from the airport for him to drive me to some of the good surf spots on the island – “Airports,” Padang-Padang, Medawi (Med-aye-wie), Nusa Dua, etc.
We only wound up at one – Dreamland.
Dreamland is a very beautiful place located at the bottom of sandstone cliffs encircling a southern facing “half-moon” bay.
Dreamland is a beach break with two decent and distinct peaks – one going left, one right. However, once again, driving up to the point, there were about 40-50 cars, vans, bebos, and taxis parked at the top of the cliffs – all there carrying other surf enthusiasts and sightseers to the area.
At the bottom of the cliffs, there is admittedly a very beautiful, and large, hotel spread out for about 2/3 of a kilometer set along the cliff-faces. And logically, the large hotel accounts for a large number of tourists on the beach – and in the surf – at Dreamland.
Undeterred by the crowd, I went out for my first surf in Indonesia.
It wasn’t bad. It was quite similar to several California beach breaks I’ve surfed, only the water was obviously much warmer. After sitting out for about an hour at the “left” peak crowded with Japanese and German tourists who were learning how to surf, I paddled the 100-200 meters over to the “right” peak, which had only 5-6 people surfing.
I caught a few nice waves for another 1.5 hours before heading back to the hotel. It was fun.
Note: The breaks Bingin and Impossibles are about 1- 1.5 km. over to the left of Dreamland. If you look on the above pic, you can see them. However, Bingin is even MORE crowded than Dreamland, and most times Impossibles … well, it generally lives up to its name.
The next day, I went out in the beach break in front of my hotel on Legions, where I had some decent surffor about 2 hours or so. However, by the time I got back to the hotel and had the ever-ubiquitous banana pancake for breakfast, I had already made my decision.
I had had enough of Bali (and especially the tourist hell that is Kuta). I was getting the hell out of Dodge.
From Bali To Lombok – Excitement Entails
At 10:45 a.m., I made arrangements to catch an 11:00 a.m. bus heading north from the southern tip of the island to the eastern port of Padang Bai, where I would catch a ferry to the next major Indonesia island to the east – Lombok.
Unlike Bali, for my trip to Lombok, although I was told there was great surf on Lombok, I had no idea even where on the island I needed to go to catch some, nor did I make any arrangements for any accommodations on the island, or stock up on money (Indo Rupees) before leaving Bali.
It was only when I showed up at Lombok at 10:30 at night with absolutely no direction or plans that I realized I had made a huge mistake.
But, at the end of the day, mistakes such as those lead to some of the best adventures of your life (and they also make for some good fucking stories).
P.S. Despite the tone of this post (my disgust with the overcrowding in Bali, the potentially dangerous situation in which I found myself, etc.), there has not been one minute where I have regretted my decision to leave the States and the legal practice. Although I miss my friends and family greaty, I’m happier now then I’ve ever been in my entire life. And for that, I’m grateful beyond words.
10 Responses to “Kuta, Bali … It’s Australian For “Shithole,” Mate!”
Hi, its 11.30pm british time, I have no idea who you are but what you have written above meant something to me.
For the last 3 years I have been travelling to Dreamland, Bali as I really have never found anywhere else that makes me as happy as that place. Like you I am a Lawyer working in Cardiff, Wales (U.K) and to be honest I have no idea what Law you have studied or undertaken but it is soooooo shit and at times it has made me to want to leave everything just like you………… BUT I have never had the courage or conviction to do so!
who ever you and where ever you are – Good on you mate – best of luck on your travels and just think there are people just like me wanting to be doing what your doing right now!
All the best!
What a shame you only saw the busy side of bali. Just 5 mins over the hill from chaotic dreamland beach is balagan which would have had world class waves with 1/2 the crowd.
Also 30mins out of kuta & you are in a different place. Paradise.
You just need to get off the beaten track.
pd,
Approximately 1 year after first writing this post, I moved to Bali full time and wound up living there for over a year. And after living there for a year, and in comparison to the myriad of other places I’ve lived and visited worldwide in my life, I came to this decision:
Kuta, Bali is STILL the biggest shithole I’ve ever been to, and the rest of the island is a tourist trap, ranking among the top 5 OTHER shitholes I’ve been to in the world (yes, even including southern India). I don’t know what Eastern block country you’re from or where else you’re comparing it to, mate, but Balangan is also mess — a bunch of tweaked out Euro-trash types trying to learn how to surf one of the most mediocre waves in Indonesia, on a dirty, COMPLETELY warang filled beach?
Nah … still not really my idea of paradise, mate.
And as for your comment re: “off the beaten track”? You may want to check your facts. — Why don’t you check out my latest posts to find out where I’m living now — where REAL paradise is, ya’ knucklehead.
What a shame you only saw tbe busy side of bali. Just 5 mins over the hill from chaotic dreamland beach is balagan which would have had world class waves with 1/2 the crowd.
Also 30mins out of kuta & you are in a different place. Paradise.
You just need to get off the beaten track.;
i can’t wait to go there. I am leaving for Bali tomorrow. I’m so excited and i have a cute gf who lives in Kuta. we are going to uluwatu for the weekend. I am going to do some surfing and I am going to have a blast. I am flying 26 hours from Cocoa Beach, Florida. USA to go there. The whole island is surrounded by good breaks. To be honest, I am kind of nervous. I have never surfed waves over 10 feet. This is going to be awesome.I’m not interested in Kuta and i won’t be staying there for anymore than a day. I live in a tourist trap city and I know what thats like. My Bali experience is going to be wonderful.
I went to Bali last month, and indeed, it was very crowdy and chaotic. I think anyone who wants to visit Bali should consider NOT to come during mid june-mid july (school holiday in Indonesia), december-january (Christmas & new year holiday), and around early to mid september (Idul Fitri, Islamic holiday) because Bali, especially Kuta, Legian and other famous beaches will be very crowded, dirty and messy. Other place you should visit is Karma Kandara. The beach is really beautiful.
Hey Mate,
I found your blogs comments to be the same way I feel about Bali. Last time I was here 8 years ago I nearly missed the bomb at the Sari club, and haven’t been back until now. Came here for a surf trip and stayed at a friends Hotel at Uluwatu and wow, what a joke that place is! Not the wave but the 100-200 guys in the water all day everyday, the locals who act like your best friend but are really trying to get something from you, the horrible food, or overpriced food at the Hotels, and don’t get me started on Kuta. Going to Kuta is like smoking 100 Kuta cigs. Complete tourist trap, commercialized hell-hole and I’ll never be back after getting ripped off by multiple taxi drivers and other businesses. Made the mistake of going to Ubud to check it out; another tourist trap that is so polluted with smog from cars and scooters on the narrow streets I could barely breathe haha. Anyway, enough of the neg comments, but this is to forewarn others about this island that was probably at one time a magical place, now reduced to one of the worst places I’ve ever been and equal to India and Venezuela as the top of my ‘never come back’ list.
just got back from kuta, what a shithole… sick of people trying to rip us off, sell us drugs and in general just “take” our money, the nightclubs were fun but still lacking and as soon as one steps outside you get asked if you want “sudo” (psudoephidrine) or local girl! and that was from every balinese person, men women ad=nd even children, we even got asked if we wanted second hand condoms…..must of being trying to take the piss out of us, the food was nice but as i say way tooo overcrowded and dirty……DONT GO!!!
I’m in bali right now and cant be fucked leaving my hotel room, and its a shit hotel.
Want to ge the fuck outta here but I paid for a motor bike for three days, wondering if I should just let it go. I want to go to lombok now after getting lost on this massive freiking place with no road signs and covered in the filth that is bali. literally my sheets were stained with black crap, although it was a good 6-7 hours of lost riding.
I can hear some stupid techno out my window and know nobody is listening to it, there is nobody interesting here and all the cafes and restaurants are pretty much empty. clubs are in a similar state.
Locals, forget about it, I walk around now with a death stare to stop people bugging me and it seems to work.
I want to get the ferry to lombok, and soon but I know this will involve talking to some scumbag tour operator who will undoubtably rip me off, yet again.
A word for the uninitiated, DONT GO, even phuket, one of thailands biggest tourist shitholes pales in comparison to the lameness of this area with nothing differentiating one area from the next. At least phuket has something interesting to do like play pool or go to a muay thai fight, or go to a kickboxing camp, ride around the mountain without getting so lost you think you will have to live off scraps from the shitty bannana leaf enclosed offerings which feed the vermin of the town.
AT LEAST in phuket you
You certainly get a wave of applause for your entry and more specifically, your blog in general. Very high quality material.