A Bowl of Stupid

Over the weekend, having been "tagged" herself, Lora from The Power of Trinity in turn "tagged" me and several others, requesting that we answer and pass on to subsequent bloggers several questions concerning themselves.

This particular "tagging" exercise requires bloggers to "compose a new blog post listing the top 5 to 10 things that [they] do almost every day that help [them] to be successful."

Being the effete snob that I am, my first instinct was to try to find a polite way of begging off her invitation since, although I think very highly of Lora, I find "tagging" to be the adult equivalent of a homeroom chain-letter ("if you could date anyone in school, who would it be?").

Moreover, the underlying concept, as developed by the initial "tagger" (not the subsequent ones, like Lora), is typically nothing more than an easy means of getting attention; a cheap and easy ploy of shouting to the online world: "look at me, look at me!", which these days often translates into a far more lucrative venture than simply gaining enough votes to be named Homecoming Douchebag of the Year.

In other words, it is glorified spam.

Moreover, even if I were not so supremely cynical as to view tagging in such a harsh light, I really don't think that anyone short of Mahatma Ghandi or Scott Baio is especially qualified to expound on just what made them "successful."

Indeed, nine times out of ten, success can be attributed to nothing more than being in the right place at the right time, or to form following the function of having glorious physical attributes, propelling such genetic freaks ahead of the seething hordes until they overdose and die, sad and alone on some Indian Reservation in the middle of the Florida Everglades.

These issues notwithstanding, as Lora is a complete and absolute sweetheart (and one of the few people who actually reads on a regular basis the nonsense spewing from my keyboard), I attempted to forgo my baseline cynicism and have a go at answering her questions about "The Secret of My Success."

After only a couple seconds, however, I realized it is doubtful that I have any ideas, let alone secrets, of success that could be of any help to anyone anywhere. My only secret be known, for all the benefits I have been afforded throughout my life, I am one of the least successful people I know. I have forever lived in the shadows of others, bitterly surviving off the scraps of their triumphs - an attribute which I unfortunately carry with me to this day. I have also failed to accurately plot the direction of my entire adult life, resulting in one bad decision after another. Moreover, I wound up stumbling, dazed, into a career that eventually robbed me of my soul and compassion.

And when the frustration of living with such miscalculations and mistakes became staggering, I dropped out from all of it - claiming it to be in the interest of my own happiness, although I constantly look back with hunger at that which I voluntarily forfeited.

I'm sorry Lora, but at this point, the only thing I can honestly say is that my decisions should really only serve as a warning to others.

Oh, and as per Brantley Foster, you should never screw the boss's wife. That's really bad, too.

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