Oct 24 2007
No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.
One of the reasons I've grown so fond, so fast, of the lifestyle and peoples in Southeast Asia is because I see in many of them an adaptation of the underlying precepts I've sought from my whole 'Vision-quest' sojourn:
They have the desire, if not simply the need, to disregard all of the complications and dramas and phobias and self-introspection carried around by Americans, in favor of simply living. To borrow a phrase — they have the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.
When I was out in the boonies of Indonesia, forced to live without electricity and potable water and other such luxuries for weeks at a time, I felt like I was at least starting to leave all that stupid shit behind. Really, in that situation, one realizes that it doesn't matter who Paris Hilton is fucking this week, or what office intrigues are going through, or how much money your colleagues are making, or in my case, ever the psychological effects of the many beatings I took as a kid.
All that shit gradually became superfluous to the art of actually living. I was beginning to find, more and more, that I neither wanted nor desired to waste my entire life questioning my self-worth in relation to everyone else, either emotionally or monetarily.
In the grand scheme of things, it just doesn't matter.
But now, every day I'm back in the States, I find those little things gaining more and more importance. I'm getting upset about again being confronted with continuous questions of employment and money and status and … 'normality.' And I find myself becoming frustrated and angered by these matters — matters that I should know really don't matter.
I once again feel like I've unwittingly been cast in a Broadway show with people who, despite their impressive resumes, are nothing but a bunch of amateurs. For the love of Christ, "life surely isn't as complicated as these brilliant fucktards are making it out to be … is it?"
- Do we really need to worry so much about having a car, or boat, or jewelry, or … whatever?
- Do we really need to work in shitty jobs we hate just to buy shit we don't need?
- Does it really matter if we smoke and drink and eat shitty foods, if they add enjoyment to out lives?
- Do we really need to over-sanitize our food, and our water, and our homes, and … our entire fucking lives.
Simply stated, I am growing more and more pissed off having returned to a culture that — either knowingly or unwittingly — tries to make us miserable and question ourselves.
So, once again, I find myself looking forward to returning to Asia — if only to regain my footing and a sense of what is truly important in my life.
Perhaps, as some think, I really have got much more 'soul searching' to do in order to find happiness, regardless of my locale — I personally don't think so, since 'soul searching,' by definition, interferes with 'life living'. But regardless, my underlying recognition of 'that which truly does not matter' seems to come to me easier outside the States.
I spoke last night to a very good lawyer friend of mine who told me that, apparently I'm the hero of all the the blokes in his Boston office — giving up everything the way I did. I really do find this type of praise (or envy, whatever) to be comically ironic.
People spend decades envying others and trying to 'fix' their unhappiness while losing sight of the fact that, by doing so, they are wasting the lives they're trying to save.
I'm not a hero. I'm not even looking for your goddamn support or condemnation anymore. But the longer I have to put up with it 'tete a tete,' the more I'm gonna recall why I was so pissed off in the first place. Regardless of what happens, I'm not gonna be one of them.
Enough. So fuck them. And fuck you too.
Dude, you need to see Sean Penn’s “Into the Wild.” You would enjoy it. Really.
You might not be a hero but your damn lucky. The Gods of Money allowed you to take your trip to the other side where money has a different meaning.
As a society we believe that being tuned in makes us better inform but sometimes the reality is being tuned out allows us to see the pictures greater detail.
I’ve enjoyed watching your adventure.
Be safe…
Rick, thanks for the info. However, being the dick I am, I gotta say that altho I understand the mindset of Chris McCandless (the kid upon the book and movie are based), I think he was a bit of an idiot - and a bit overrated. There’s escaping society (a la Kerouac) and then there’s going up into the Alaskan wilderness with no preparation and dying of starvation 20 miles from the highway during the middle of summer. I was up in Alaska at that time (I was working on fishing and crabbing boats before law school), and all there couldn’t believe that shit could still happen. But thanks for the comment and the thought - much appreciated.
Lora, nice to see you back. Hope all is well. And while you too have a point, I will say this - something I don’t know if I’ve said before and may not say again - both you and TK have made the point that my ‘money’ has allowed my current trip. Yes and no.
I admittedly made money from the sale of my condo that allowed the trip. But I’m still in debt for student loans in excess of US$80,000. So I don’t think I deserve condemnation for being terribly hypocritical since I don’t HAVE any money. Again, regardless, thanks for the visit.
I haven’t read the book, but those who have say that the movie is a lot different and carries with it a different vibe about what McCandless did. It’s also not just about his time in Alaska. It’s about his journey there and the people he meets and the lessons he takes with him. Still recommend it and would be real interested in your take on it.
Your call though, obviously.
.
Rick,
Fair enough. More than fair, actually. The journey and not the destination is still obviously the main concern (altho I’d like to keep the journey going for some time rathat than die in a bus in the wilderness).
And also, considering Penn’s talents, I’m sure the film itself is something amazing. I’ll make a point to check it out as soon as I get a chance. Thanks, mate.
It’s a matter of don’t sit around thinking of how you could improve your life by comparison to others, just get off your ass and live life. Unfortunately, a lot of people think life and living are defined by others and not by their own existance and experience.
Happy and safe travels Matt, and fuck you.
just one advice.. stop comparing yourself to others.
i believe strongly that dissatisfaction is self-chosen, misery, joy, pain and every other emotion is self-inflicted.
you choose to feel free and satisfied, then just stop looking around and comparing yourself to the world, stop judging life, it won’t lead you nowhere.
Brick,
Thanks for stopping by. Not sure I understand what your saying, considering your judging my views yourself. No worries, still appreciate the drop in, double negatives and all.
ok first, i’m not judging you in anyway. am just trying to express my perspective.
but look at all that you’ve said in the post, you are just comparing your lifestyle to others man.. sorry if i’m wrong but statements like:
“I’m getting upset about again being confronted with continuous questions of employment and money and status and … ‘normality.’ And I find myself becoming frustrated and angered by these matters — matters that I should know really don’t matter.”
just made me think so.
i’m trying to say that this is how “I” go on to look at things… its only when you start looking at what you don’t have, you stop looking at what you actually have. that’s when the dissatisfaction sets in, thats when the need to want the “unattained” sets in. now people say that it helps one’s progress, but the way i look at it, it’s just depriving oneself of enjoying what one possesses and instead chasing stuff thats not there with oneself.. my sole question is why.. it’s unnecessary isn’t it.. if u are able to live without it now, you can definitely do without it forever and finally its not even gonna matter eh.
i’m not saying i’m satisfied being and dont have any needs of my own but i just don’t think anything’s worth fighting for.. live with wat you’ve got.. find satisfaction in what’s present with you now.. fuck the rest of the shit thats not with you.. you don’t need it.. its fine if you get it.. but i don’t think its worth dying for.. it’s just being ungreatful i say, towards the things we’re already, may i say, gifted with.. we;re then acting unjust towards them.
i hope i was clear this time and sorry man.. am not judging you by no means.. have no right to.. am just plainly expressing my take on things you;ve said and well.. my say is strictly restricted to that!
peace
Brick, thanks for the comment, but no need, mate. I was just messing about. Relax kiddo, no worries. And thanks again for popping by.
This is a tangent I’ve been on for a while. And it’s part of the reason I’ve seriously considered not going to college. College, like the military, and Wal-mart, is an industry. The idea is to make more money in the end then what you put in…I have to go to practice, I’ll finish this later.