A Bowl of Stupid

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Although I’ve cut down on my publication of posts here over the past 6-8 months, it doesn’t mean I stopped writing entirely. To the contrary, I’ve probably been writing more, albeit more personal works not really suited for mass consumption (and subsequent regurgitation).

However, by both choice and necessity I’m settling down to (what I hope will be) a long term commitment here in Bangkok. I’m also becoming re-acclimated with the concept of living like most everyone else does — getting a job, getting an apartment, going to work, going to the gym, paying bills, hopefully one day accidentally getting shot in the head during a daring daytime robbery attempt — you know, the normal stuff.

That being said, I’ve found myself inside and on the computer much more than I have been in recent memory. Similarly, I’ve worn a suit and shoes probably more during the past 10 days than I have during the last 4 years combined. Honestly, I will always prefer sandals to closed-toe shoes, but I can’t say I don’t like the change more than just a little bit.

The whole “ex-lawyer surfer bum” thing does get old from time to time. And dressing like a grown-up again has also reminded me of just HOW MANY TIMES I’ve reinvented myself during the 5 years alone — which I sorta started writing about last month en route back to the States for 2 weeks. So I thought I’d put it up here (not that anyone’s really still reading this shit anyway).

** Yeah, the picture has absolutely nothing to do with this. I just like the idea of a polar bear taking a piss in a public bathroom.

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I’ve just started reading Sean Wilsey’s autobiography, “Oh The Glory Of It All.” From what I can tell from the first 100 pages or so, it’s not the most compelling of reads, despite the columns of many corporate shills professing otherwise. However, the way I figure it, I’m going to be spending the majority of the next two (2) days in the air (which I am now, en route from Saigon to Hong Kong), so I’ll have some free time on my hands to read.

At the outset, Wilsey goes through great pains to describe his parents and their history. What I find personally remarkable about them is how, although his parents took different paths, joined up briefly, and ultimately wound up in different places, they both seemed to have lived multiple lives. Both Wilsey’s mother and father were each married four (4) times. They each seemed to have separate families dating from different times in their lives. And they were both masters of reinvention.

It’s an issue I’m dealing with right now, actually. I’m leaving Asia, and heading back to the States, for the first time in a couple years. America is the country of my birth. It’s where I was raised. And where I was schooled. And it’s where I lived my entire life, up until just a few years ago. But going back now, it seems like a lifetime ago.

Although I’m still relatively young, I feel like I’ve already lived several lives at this point — Philly, Arizona, Alaska, Oregon, San Diego, California, Florida … geek, student, fisherman, slacker, law student, attorney, surfer, rebel. I’ve changed and altered myself almost every time I’ve moved that I can barely recognize those prior person(s). My latest, and most public, persona is what now lingers.

But I feel it turning. I have been for a while now. A new persona is needed mainly because I need money, and I need full-time work again. But, as I’ve mentioned several times over the course of the past year, it’s also because my current lifestyle is losing the appeal it once held for me. And my desire for change is metastasizing more each day. If things work out the way I hope they do, I can finally see the next reinvention — more than just the amorphous ‘need’ I’ve voiced previously.