Jul 20 2008
Lest We Forget How Ridiculously Lucky We Are
Those of you who know me personally (and possibly others who are only familiar with my writing) are probably well aware that I never acknowledge — and indeed, often disparage — my personal happiness, lest the karmic fates learn of my condition and decide to wrench that happiness out of my grubby little mitts.
This is perhaps my number one defense mechanism (the other being my need to distance myself from anyone showing the slightest interest in me … but that’s for another therepy session).
Regardless, despite all the bitterness and despair I project to dispel the fates, I hope noone believes — nor forgets — that I am not actually well aware of just how ridiculously lucky, how unfathomably fortunate I am to be leading the life I am.
I say this for a wide variety of reasons — including, without limitation, because I was fortunate enough to be born into middle-class America, and was raised in an uncompromisingly loving family, and received an extensive education (sans spelling, of course), and have the ability to travel the globe as I now do, and have met all the wonderful people I have.
So to those persons who think I am bitter and cynical and mean, and I have forsaken all the gifts provided to me — I am sorry for projecting that impression, for it is a lie. I truly appreciate every last gift in my life … I simply refuse to acknowledge them openly, for a variety of reasons.
Indeed, even were I still living in Miami working the 8 to 6 grind, I would still be just THAT fortunate, if for nothing else than because I am healthy, and my family is healthy (although there still was a great deal more).
And this brings me to the underlying reason why I now acknowledge the greatness the fortunes have provided (and which I hope they will continue to, despite my having admitted it openly) — my friend Jill and her family … again.
Just days after burying her mother, Jill and her family are now faced with the prospect of her brother Craig, who, it now appears, may soon succomb to his own cancer in the coming weeks/months. And unfortunately making the situation even less tolerable, Craig is also suffering immensely from his cancer.
I know I’ve written about Jill and Craig and her family before, but … just … fuck. I really haven’t the words to describe all my hopes and fears and empathy and feelings for them. So instead, I’ll simply acknowledge the fortunes with which I have been blessed, and wait for some of those same fortunes to work their way towards them.
You can’t see me, but I’m standing up & clapping in my cubicle right now. I KNEW IT!! I knew you couldn’t possibly be all doom & gloom. The perky optimist in me knew there was a ray of light in you!
I knew it!!
Ok, people are staring…I’ll sit down down now.
(I KNEW IT!!)
OMG Matt, this is called life. And OG sometimes it’s wonderfull and sometimes it down right sucks. And as I get older I hear more about the friend or family member who is sick, passed away, or have had something in life go terribly wrong. For some reason, as I was younger, this didn’t happen so much. But as I get older, and I’m not that old, it just happens more frequently. I think that this is when we truely learn how lucky we are. Matt, you really have just come of age. Congratulations!!
If I were there I’d give you a big hug and kiss. So just imagine that for now. An revel in the life you have and love. You breath, you long, you need, you love and bleed just like the rest of us kid. Thanks for the honesty. You big adorable Matt, you. And my sincerest wishes for strength and solice to your friend Jill and her family.
Phillygirl
Kerry, thanks very much for the kind words … now shaddap and get back to your damn TPS reports!!
Philly, thanks also to you for all your well wishes, etc. But to correct you, I neither love NOR bleed — actually I’m a robot with sinister on taking over the world. Guess I shoulda mentioned that earlier, huh? Sorry ’bout that.