Dec 10 2009
The First Rule Of Chuck E. Cheese Is ‘You Do Not Talk About Chuck E. Cheese…’
From the 8 December edition of the Chicago Tribune comes this gloriously ironic story, talking about how Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Time Theatres have become the new Fight Club. From the story:
in the past few years Chuck E. Cheese’s has developed a reputation as a sort of impromptu fight club, a place where fisticuffs break out almost as often as complaints about the pizza.
It apparently started after a Wall Street Journal story last December reported that a Chuck E. Cheese in Brookfield, Wis., had prompted more police calls in the previous year than any other restaurant in town. Now, The Obscure Store says that “Chuck E. Cheese brawls are so common they’re hardly ‘news.’”
Really, I got nothing. This is the kind of joke that just writes itself. The only thing I’m thinking of are the number of ways to insert the terms ‘Chuck E. Cheese’ and/or ‘Giant Rat’ into various Fight Club quotes. My top 5:
- I see the strongest and the smartest rats who have ever lived… and these vermin are singing happy birthday and waiting tables.
- I am the all-singing, all-dancing rat of this world…. I am the toxic waste by-product of God’s creation.
- Only in death are we no longer part of Project Playtime.
- The gyms you go to are crowded with mice trying to look like rats, as if being a rat means looking the way a sculptor or an art director says.
- Fuck Chuck E. Cheese! Chuck E’s polishing the brass on the Titanic; it’s all going down, man.
Chuck E Cheese Fight Club was the beginning, now it’s moved out of the basement, it’s called Nolan Busnell’s Tempest of Revenge for Atari Project.