A Bowl of Stupid

So much to explain, yet I still don’t know exactly where to begin — at least anywhere significantly different, except geographically speaking. I suppose the easiest place to begin is with the most obvious: I’m back in America.

As noted in prior posts, I left Bangkok over two (2) months ago now, right at the beginning of all the nonsense which has since engulfed Thailand in chaos, and now threatens to spiral out of control into a full-fledged civil war. Much like I saw the housing crisis back here in the States and cashed out / moved out before the storm reached it’s full intensity, so have I done with Thailand.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I found it relatively easy when I had to mentally and physically distance myself from my home country when the time came. Likewise, I found it almost disconcertingly easy to disconnect myself from Bangkok, which I loved as much as (if not more than) any other place I’ve lived. Now I am resigned only to hope for the best — just like every other outside observer.

After Thailand, my desire was to make a life for myself in the small, tropical wonderland of American Samoa. Specifically, an opportunity arose whereby I could live and work in Samoa for a short time, on a trial basis, and see if it suited me before committing further to the island. Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out the way I had anticipated, and after that 2 month “trial period” I left the island — most likely for good.

As I’ve mentioned previously, while admittedly small, the island of Tutuila itself is absolutely gorgeous — with tropical waterfalls, ubiquitous crystal-blue waters, soaring emerald-green volcanic mountains, and many lovely people. However, I would never be able to practice law, or conduct any business there, quite frankly, simply because the American Samoan Government is one of the most corrupt, nefarious, petty, and nepotistic organizations with which I have ever come into contact (which, including Mexico, Indonesia and Thailand, is really saying something).

My plan included returning to law in a relaxed, small-town, environment, which would allow me to also continue with my surfing and other pursuits, and also start a side-gig teaching yoga. During my two (2) months on Tutuila, I explored the beauty of the island, I arranged to start teaching yoga at a local gym, I re-immersed myself back into the practice of law, and I was also fortunate enough to meet some really great people. However, all of that positivity was tempered — no, absolutely nullified — by the sheer absurdity of trying to conduct business in the shadow of malfeasance and crookedness which is the American Samoan Government.

Which is a shame, because I could have made a life for myself there. Regardless, I saw the time had come for me to move on from Samoa. And, just as I was able to distance myself from every other place I’ve lived and loved, I left — again with a disturbing lack of fuss.

That was a couple weeks ago.

And where am I now? Now I’m back in Miami Beach, actually. Back in the same building in which I was living before I left. Granted, I’m now house-sitting for an old neighbor who generously lent me his condo for a couple weeks while he’s traveling. However, needless to say, after everyone I’ve met, after everywhere I’ve gone, and everything I’ve seen, and done, and been through since I left — I’m having more than just a slight difficulty re-acclimating. Indeed, I feel like Captain Willard at the start of Apocalypse Now:

When I was there, I wanted to be here; now I’m here, and all I can think of is getting back into the jungle. I’m here for weeks now … getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker. Each time I look around, the walls move in a little tighter.

Regardless … the point of this post was to point out, and put an end to, my journey. My sojourn. My multi-year vision quest.

I intended a bookend. But now, after writing all this out, I’m not sure. That is to say, although I’m back in the country of my birth, I am still very far from feeling “home.” Moreover, as the days move forward, it’s looking less and less likely that I’ll remain here in Florida, as the opportunities I came here for were apparently nothing more than seductive phantoms.

And so it seems I’ll soon be moving on … again. Despite the fact I still don’t know where I’m going. Or where I’ll wind up.

And while I want more than anything to stop having to write this goddamn blog, and to stay in one place for more than a couple fucking months at a time, and end this seemingly endless adventure (at least for long enough to catch my breathe) — apparently I still don’t have that option. Yet.

(A photo from Cosmopolitan Magazine of newly elected Republican Scott Brown, who won the Massachusetts U.S. Senate seat held by the late Democrat Edward M. Kennedy for nearly half a century)

See, its not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It’s that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.

-John Stewart, on the election of Republican Scott Brown and the resulting (probable) failure of the Democratically controlled White House and Congress to pass health care reform

From the 8 December edition of the Chicago Tribune comes this gloriously ironic story, talking about how Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Time Theatres have become the new Fight Club. From the story:

in the past few years Chuck E. Cheese’s has developed a reputation as a sort of impromptu fight club, a place where fisticuffs break out almost as often as complaints about the pizza.

It apparently started after a Wall Street Journal story last December reported that a Chuck E. Cheese in Brookfield, Wis., had prompted more police calls in the previous year than any other restaurant in town. Now, The Obscure Store says that “Chuck E. Cheese brawls are so common they’re hardly ‘news.’”

Really, I got nothing. This is the kind of joke that just writes itself. The only thing I’m thinking of are the number of ways to insert the terms ‘Chuck E. Cheese’ and/or ‘Giant Rat’ into various Fight Club quotes. My top 5:

• I see the strongest and the smartest rats who have ever lived… and these vermin are singing happy birthday and waiting tables.
• I am the all-singing, all-dancing rat of this world…. I am the toxic waste by-product of God’s creation.
• Only in death are we no longer part of Project Playtime.
• The gyms you go to are crowded with mice trying to look like rats, as if being a rat means looking the way a sculptor or an art director says.
• Fuck Chuck E. Cheese! Chuck E’s polishing the brass on the Titanic; it’s all going down, man.

Happy Thanksgiving, you fat dumb redneck nation. Good luck on trying to form coherent sentences.

Oh yeah, for anyone interested, it’s this type of idiocy that led to my decision to flee the States.

One of the not entirely displeasing aspects of returning to where I grew up is seeing friends and relatives I haven’t seen in years, or even decades. Under normal circumstances, such visits would probably consist of nothing more than a discussion of who married whom, where whom is working, and other such general blather. However, given where I have been traveling and living for the past few years, such blather usually turns to questions of where I’ve been, where my favorite place is, what it’s like, how did I make the decision to leave my career and the States, and the like.

At times, I wish I could just gather up everyone I know in one room and take their questions all at once, so I wouldn’t have to answer the same questions over and over. At other times, I find myself enjoying the attention far too much, and falling into a self-righteous ex-pat characterture — regaling my audience with grand tales of adventure and daring and just how great things are in Asia.

Almost necessarily included in my description is just how much better things are outside the United States in terms of quality of life, inexpensive cost of living, cheap and plentiful health care, and lacking corporate overlords.

To be sure, most of the time, I’m just telling people what I want them to hear, and probably what we both wish is true. At times, it’s extremely easy to get caught up in one owns bullshit. Plus, I’m still a petty and petulant child in many respects, in that I want to prove how much better things are for me, and how much it sucks for everyone else too “weak” to have done what I did.

Those underlying issues notwithstanding, there are times when I’m reminded of just how true my comments regarding the state of affairs here in America really are. And just how bad things really have become, although most people here either can not see it, refuse to acknowledge it, or simply ignore it.

Chez just wrote a post, “Swine At The Trough”, as did Matt Tabibbi, “Goldman One-Ups Gordon Gekko, Says Jesus Embraced Greed” discussing just these issues — the absolute corporate ownership of the entire U.S. economy, its health care system (and associated benefits), and its absolute dismissal of the welfare of America’s general populous.

This is not to say that such things don’t take place in other countries. To be sure, a characteristic of the powerful has always been to hold down those without power, since the beginning of time. But this isn’t the issue.

The real issue, which is absolutely bewildering to me, is how the American public, cattle-like, have been brainwashed and stupefied to such a point that they don’t even realize how poorly they’re being treated. While at the same time, STILL giving their money and power willingly to the very people who have bewildered them into their current predicament. As Chez states, the mass of the American public is expendable. They just don’t realize it.

Once again, I haven’t lived abroad long enough to say this with absolute conviction, but I cannot see this happening in any other developed country in the world. They value their liberty far too much.

Perhaps it’s because Americans have been telling themselves that they are the best country in the world for far too long, that they can’t even begin to fathom just how far they have fallen. Perhaps I’m just a self-righteous asshole, determined to prove my way of thinking is the best. Who’s to say.

All I know is that, while the changing leaves and the brisk weather here in the Northeast are truly beautiful change of pace, I’m looking forward to returning to Asia. True, bribery and corruption may be a way of life over there as well, but at least the people there see those things for what they are, instead of desperately clinging to a perceived reality that no longer exists.

After traveling to most of the best surf spots in the world, I know firsthand that guys like this actually DO exist … en mass. And sadly, most of them are American.

Sigh.

Much like Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators, who entrances and blesses us all with his presence, and prescience, only rarely — I now do the same.

The long wait is over. I’m back. And my return will be … wait for it … wait for it …

Oh, and here’s a clip from the other night’s Emmy Awards. It’s kinda okay, too.

As aptly noted on Gorilla vs. Bear, ‘one of the best new records that no one seems to be talking about at all is No Way Down, the little 6-song EP from Sweden’s Air France that came out several weeks ago on Sincerely Yours.

With that said: yes, this is some outstanding new music, but it’s also some EXTREMELY poor timing for the album’s release, considering the names of the band and the CD. Here’s the first single, Collapsing at Your Doorstep.

Air France – Collapsing at Your Doorstep

As one would imagine, when I head out to the islands (with no electricity and no running water and such), I don’t keep up on the news as much as I might otherwise. Indeed, over the past couple years, I’ve realized that I can gather most of the news I need from the surf report.

Notwithstanding, I HAVE heard about this whole ‘global economic meltdown’ thingy that’s going on. And I heard from several sources — online, televised, written and otherwise — that there may be the stirrings of a genuine economic recovery starting back in the States.

But then I read this uplifting op-ed piece in today’s New York Times, from where the above picture was pilfered. The authors claim:

We are sympathetic to the extraordinary challenge the president faces, but if we’ve learned anything at all two years into the worst financial crisis of our lifetimes, it is that a capital-markets system this dependent on public confidence is a shockingly inadequate foundation upon which to rest our economy.

On the bright side, although one of the authors, Mr. Sandy Lewis, was convicted on federal charges of stock manipulation in 1989, he was pardoned by President Bill Clinton in 2001 and had his lifetime trading ban overturned by the Securities and Exchange Commission in 2006. As such, he can obviously lend his talents towards fixing the current situation.

Umm … perhaps ‘fixing’ wasn’t the bast choice of wording.

Regardless, I’m sure Prez Obama will think ‘outside the box’ to sort this whole mess out. Oh yeah, although he promised to change the whole paradigm in Washington, he IS still just a politician — and a Democrat, at that. Which explains why he ‘handed over his economic policy to worn-out Wall Street gorgons like Larry Summers and Bob Rubin.’

Oh, okay. Well then, there must still be a whole bunch of other people who can still straighten this mess out from the outside-in, right?

I mean, consider Goldman Sachs’ new adviser, Arthur Levitt Jr., the former chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission. He’s gonna be helpful.

Oh wait, what’s that you say? Levitt helped convince Bill Clinton to make two of the most important bad decisions that led to this financial crisis. So now he’s still around helping to liaise between Goldman Sachs and the government.

Oh … okay. Yeah, I see your point — we’re all still pretty fucked. Okay then, I’m going back to the islands and stick to reading the surf reports.

In honor of the newly baptized ‘Swine Flu’ pandemic emanating from the great State of Mexico (the 51st, I believe), I thought the following tune from one of the most unappreciated bands from the late 1980′s — Big Pig, may be appropriate.

The song is Breakaway, and for those of you under the age of 25, the video is from the opening credits to one of THE best movies of all time — 1989′s Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (ironically, the clip is from a Spanish dubbed version of the movie).

Enjoy … and keep the hell away from me, you infected bastards.

I pulled a muscle in my shoulder/neck really bad the other day surfing and it’s gotten to the point where I’ve resorted to taking muscle relaxers and Panadol in an attempt to get the muscle to stop spasming. So, needless to say, I don’t feel much like doing anything right now, let alone writing a post.

With that being said, I’m also getting bored just surfing the web, searching for a nice NGO gig, and laying around being high on muscle relaxers. So, in times like these — we compromise. Here’s a music video of Hallelujah The Hills’ 2007 single, Wave Goodbye To Massachusetts.

The video looks like a fan-authored version and kinda sucks, but the song is awesome.

Today epitomizes one of the many ways Asia is so different to the States.

Today — or rather, this evening — the electricity in the entire towns of Legion and Seminyak — two of the biggest tourist and/or expat locales here on Bali — lost electricity for most of the afternoon and evening. Indeed, it is now about 8:30 at night, I’m at at a coffee shop working off a generator, and the electricity is still not on back in my house.

Chances are, nobody in a position of power (no pun intended) has even been alerted yet to the fact the electricity is, in fact, not working. Granted, the electricity goes out here on a fairly regular basis, but only for 15-20 minutes at a time — most likely due to overloads in the power grid. But the last time something like this happened for an extended period of time (a power pole went down on my street), it took most of 1.5 days for anyone to even START working on repairing the problem (and another 2 days for the power to eventually return — by which time, I was already gone to Bangkok).

Yes, California is also now prone to ‘revolving power outages’. But the outpouring of righteous indignation and immediate demands for assistance I’ve witness there whenever THAT happens is absolutely ridiculous — even by California standards.

In contrast, here in Bali, nobody even seems to notice. Or care all that much … besides us Westerners. To wit, while the local family from whom I rent my villa took the outage as a call to make it an early evening, I simply had to get to a coffee shop and the internet, lest I be bored to death by the presence of candles and silence.

Sure, I like to play Asian, and I may raise my voice in defiance every once in a while, but as soon as the electricity goes down, my true colours come out. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get back to my iced late and the latest episode of The Daily Show — who knows if I’ll have my HBO back on when I get back home.

It’s been widely reported that X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the blockbuster that was supposed to start the wave of 2009 summer movies, is really bad. This, after the unfinished movie was leaked online a month before its world premiere.

The authorized movie trailers do nothing to dispel the buzz that the film is nothing more than a celebrity-packed “B movie.”

And just last night, I saw something locally here in Asia that just adds more fuel to the fire.

Out here in Asia, we’re understandably limited in the number of English speaking television networks, with HBO, Star World and XPN being three (3) of the most ubiquitous. Both HBO and Star have sister networks, with Star Movies being the most popular of the Star networks.

This week, Star Movies is advertising that it will be showing X-Men Origins: Wolverine on PAY PER VIEW on it’s Asian release date next week, rather than going to movie theatres. Let me say that again, THE summer blockbuster has been reduced to essentially a ‘straight to DVD’ production.

Great news, as I can look forward to seeing a pirated DVD version I can buy for .50 cents (US) in the next few days!

This Op-Ed Column in the New York Times, entitled “When Nature Calls”, which details the bizarre case of an air traveler who was refused use of a business-class lavatory on a Delta Air Lines flight, offers a morality tale for our age:

I can hear the snippy reply from the flight attendants, mostly middle-aged themselves, all of whom think the fun of flying disappeared some decades back — about the same time as their job security and sense of humor — and would rather be sipping mojitos in Sanibel than talking up seven-dollar “wraps.”

“You’ll have to wait, Sir. We’re doing the drinks and tiny pack of peanuts service.”

The intonation of that “Sir” will be familiar to many of you, a tone peculiar to American airline companies, one in which resentment, superiority, fear, contempt and impatience are coiled into a venomous parody of politeness — a three-letter expletive really — that stands the notion of service on its head and tells the whole dismal story of U.S. carriers in recent years.

My apologies to any waitresses … err, stewardesses … err, flight attendants who may be reading, but this type of shit (no pun intended) is why I don’t fly American-based airlines anymore. And why I hate flight attendants in general … except the ones on Air Asia — they do it old school, hiring only the hottest women regardless of their skill level.