A Bowl of Stupid

So I took a road trip for few days up north to Ubud, which is about 2 hours north of the Kuta/Denpasar area of Bali. Ubud has an increasingly renowned arts scene and is still very touristy, but it’s off-season so it wasn’t all that crowded (especially in comparison to the Kuta/Legion/Seminyak area where I live down south).

I really enjoyed the place. Despite the fact that it IS a well-known tourist destination, Ubud still has a great ‘vibe.’ Ubud also has the ‘Monkey Forest’, a small nature reserve that houses a temple and over 200 long-tailed macaque monkeys.

It’s obviously a very artsy place. But it also has a genuine spiritual feel — the people seem to be much more about living their Hindu faith than here in the south, where it feels like the faith has devolved into a Westernised characterture of itself.

It’s a bit slower. The people seem a bit more genuine. The smiles more forthcoming. The people — locals and expats alike — seem less influenced by the whole tourist trade than down here. They’re all just a bit … nicer! (a friend of mine says most of the expats living down south area look like someone just pissed on their face — unfortunately, he’s right).

Additionally, I took the cycle for a ride 2-3 hours further north and it all just felt a bit like India SHOULD have felt (if that makes any sense). Also, I finally got the first good back massage ever outside of Thailand.

So, all in all, it was very nice.

I just went for a few days to scope it out, but I’ll be heading back up again in the next week or so. I plan to be up there often over the next couple months (which are the rainy season here in Bali, and the surf isn’t all that great). Instead, I’ll do what I did last year this time, when I went to Sri Lanka and India — focus on my yoga practice (there are several really good yoga places in Ubud) while still going out for a surf every once in a while.

I’ve been told there are numerous OTHER places in the north of the island that are just as,if not more, laid back as the Ubud area. I’m looking forward to visiting them in the coming months. And I’m just really glad I decided to move to Bali — especially considering I’d effectively be a hostage right now had I stayed in Bangkok.

P.S. I’ve started taking pictures again and should have some from this Ubud trip up online in the next few days.

When I first started writing this blog a couple years back, it was ostensibly for three reasons: (1) to practice my narrative writing skills, (2) to provide a public outlet, however small, for all my outrage against the American political and social landscape, and — what I considered to be — the unfortunate state of my life in general; and (3) to make fun of Britney Spears.

Now, considering the fact that I am in the midst of a 3 year ‘surf sufari”, Americans wholeheartedly voted against the Republican, neo-conservative agenda that has been poisoning the world for the past 8 years, and that Britney Spears will apparently be successful in conducting her comeback number 23, that leaves me with just ‘working on my writing skills’ as the main emphesis for this blog.

And anyone who has been reading this dribble (like the above, for example) can tell how THAT’S going … yah, not so well. Ever since I left the States in an effort to find the perfect wave, my writing has become pretty stale, and fairly one-dimentional.

In fact, it’s much worse that that. It’s not just my writing that has become one-dimentional, it’s my entire being. And while I enjoy the idea of simplifying my life to the extent where I can focus my energies into only 1-2 things that are really important to me, it’s now reached a level where I can’t even speak to people — good friends of mine — unless the conversation is about surfing or yoga for surfing (okay, so maybe 1 and 1/2 dimentional).

It has taken the election to sort of rattle me out of this self-induced slumber — I never thought I’d again be interested in politics, or anything else for that matter. But I guess recognizing you have a problem is the first step in correcting it — isn’t that what they say at all the 12 step programs?

Yeah, I’ll think about it. In the meantime, I’m late for my yoga class, so if you’ll excuse me …

(MC Hammer, on left, and one of his neo-hippie fashion disciples, on right)

First off, no … I don’t have any actual pictures here from India to upload, since I lost the USB cord for my camera somewhere in the Philippines. Sorry.

Second off, I’m not sure I would want to put any pictures of the many, many MANY hippies roaming Kerala in their ‘Hammeresque’ Indian ‘harem pants.’ These pants are ostensibly used for yoga practice, but it seems that just about every Westerner here wears them at all times of the day, despite just how fucking silly they look.

It’s a bit baffling, considering that even the hottest of girls can ruin all that beauty simply by wearing pants that make her look like she’s wearing a big set of diapers. It’s really hard to tell if someone’s got a nice ass if she looks like she’s carrying around a load of shit in her pants.

And if the cute girls can look absolutely awful in these things, imagine — really imagine — just how unappealing all the aging, new-age, hippie wannabes look in them. It’s just …

just … wow.

I understand the concept of wearing comfortable clothing. Trust me, I haven’t worn a pair of shoes or pants in months. It’s hot and humid out and things can get hot and sticky (and stinky) really fast, so thongs (flip-flops) and shorts are obviously a necessity for maintaining any semblance of comfort (and dignity). That being said, I don’t see how wearing a big bulky diaper can make one MORE comfortable in this heat and humidity. To the contrary, I’m guessing there’s a bit of ‘hippie chafing’ going on right now.

In addition, apparently nobody has told these guys that parachute pants went out when Jim Carry and Jennifer Lopez were on ‘In Living Color‘ and Micheal Jackson was still black (well … sorta). Even then, they looked silly … and MC Hammer could DANCE in them.

These hippies in their yoga-parachute pants, though? Who are they kidding. C’mon buddy, just put on a pair of fucking shorts. Please?

Seriously, I knew MC Hammer, and you sir, are no MC Hammer.

Yes, I’m finally in India – what a fascinating country shithole! And what better way to celebrate this auspicious occasion than for me to immediately book a flight to Krabi, Thailand.

Yes, India is just THAT good.

The presence here of what I had feared most — rabid European tourists and ego-driven nuevo-hippies everywhere — has indeed come to pass.

I originally planned on staying in India for 2 full months practicing my yoga and getting some further training should I ever wish to pursue it as a career in the future. However, I’ve since learned that most of the yoga ashrams and schools here — and especially those specializing in Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga, which is what I practice — are a complete farce.

On the one hand are the loads and loads of ‘yoga centers’ catering to all these Westerners who have been led to believe that the best practitioners MUST be in India since that’s where modern yoga developed. That’s complete bullshit. My brief experience has confirmed what others have told me — you can probably get just as good, if not better, training anywhere else in the world.

Then, on the other hand is the fact that yoga practitioners here, and especially in Mysore, which is known for being ‘ground-zero’ for ashtanga training, in fact produces bigger egos than true ashtaga yogis. Most of the guys here project a real ego-driven sense of “I’m more at peace than you are, and I can prove it!!” Fuck that, if I wanted to sit in a room full of bitches comparing how flexible and happy they are about living with no money, I could have gone to any ONE of the many fabulous nude bars in Miami and had a much (much) better time.

I know, I know … don’t be hatin’ on India. Yeah, I guess you’re right … it’s not ALL that bad.

I mean, the food here is probably some of the best in Asia — I actually enjoy eating vegetarian cuisine when it’s prepared THIS good. Plus, all the wannabe hippies with their long flowing gowns and ponytails DO make for excellent dinner theatre. And as an added bonus, all the garbage burning throughout the day makes for an absolutely beautiful sunset.

Okay, granted, you really shouldn’t go into the ocean unless you want to bring a pet parasite back home with you. But then again, the numerous packs of stray dogs and the occasional elephant you may encounter whilst trying to walk back to your room will more than make up for any ‘wildlife’ you may otherwise be missing underwater.

So, rather than stay here any longer than necessary, I’m going back to Thailand in a couple weeks to meet up with friends from Singapore before they all head back to states for good.

I’ve got a multiple entry 3 month visa, but I’m not really sure for how long — or even if — I’ll head back to India. Moreso, given the continuing escalation of violence in Sri Lanka (one of the same private buses that I took to leave Kandy on 1 February was blown up by Tamil terrorists the VERY next day, killing 18 people and injuring 55), I fear it’s not safe to travel there again until it all resolves itself. Instead, I will go back through and pick up my surfboards on my way to Thailand.

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a hater, I’m just drawn that way.

(a view of Mirissa bay, where I’m currently staying, with a view of the point in the background)

Despite the chaos slowing making its way down south, I’m heading up into the hill country next week — mainly to get my Indian Visa. This, of course, means that after Sri Lanka, I’m heading to … wait for it … wait for it … India.

I’m heading to Kerala, India at the start of February. Kerala is on the Southwest coast of India, and has little to no surf. I’m heading there ostensibly to practice on my Yoga in preparation for a potential career change (should I ever decide be forced to go back to work, of course). I’ve been getting fairly involved in my Yoga (Ashtanga) during recent years — mostly in an effort to increase my strength and flexibility for surfing (and tantric sex, of course).

As described by one commentator, in Kerala:

Mosques, Hindu temples, Christian churches, Jewish synagogues and Chinese fishing nets exist companionably side-by-side. There’s a heady scent of spice in the air and Arab, Portuguese English and Dutch influences.

Kerala is also, from what I’ve learned so far, a fairly laid back area of the sub-continent, and fairly devoid of the fruity, cultish, neuvo-hippies on holiday from the West, seeking ‘enlightenment’ at a 7 day course in some random Ashram. I only hope I can better my yoga practice down in the Kerala province while avoiding these nutjobs as best I can.

If anyone has any suggestions as to other places I should hit during my two (2) month stay in southern India (other than Goa), suggestions and comments are greatly welcome (but not from you fruity nut-jobs, tho — no offence intended).