I’ve mentioned this here before, and during the past month or so, it’s been bothering me more and more often.

Yes, there are a great many (obvious) perks that come with not having a job and living off of savings in the bowels of Southeast Asia — surfing, eating, and waiting for the day when it’s both practical and fiscally sound to return to the real world (given the state of the current financial crisis that has expanded into almost Biblical proportions, I still don’t think that time has yet arrived).

But there is a huge downside to the whole no working, surfer bum, ‘drop out‘ thing — it sometimes feels that I have absolutely no purpose but to sit around and wait a seemingly ever-increasing amount of time for the next surf and/or yoga session.

Some deeper part of me knows this is just a phase I go through when there’s no surf for an extended period of time (in the movie Riding Giants, Laird Hamilton compared it to being a dragon slayer when there are no dragons). And I also know that I’m better off seeing the reality of not having any true purpose, rather than still being one of the multitude confounded by the illusion of purpose.

It took me 10 years to realize that 90% of the work I did in my prior life as a lawyer — brokering money between wealthy people — contributed nothing to the world, or to my soul. A vapid, soulless existence.

I sometimes feel I’m descending into that same void again — contributing and doing virtually nothing with my life.

On the bright side, I can at least see it for what it is. But it doesn’t make things any easier. In fact, it may be worse in some respects.

I’m in the midst of living out a dream — doing exactly what I wanted to do right now. But I’m still bored, and restless, and I’m getting tired of living this way — where every day is exactly the same.

(A view down Phloen Chit from the Sukhumvit line BTS station)

One of the best things about traveling abroad with (relatively) no time limitation and (relatively) no agenda is the ability, and indeed, the tendency to randomly meet a larger range of people than you might otherwise by simply living in one place. Indeed, one of the reasons I initially decided to leave Miami was due to my ever-diminishing circle of friends — whether due to marriage, relocation, diverging interests, or whatever.

Since then, however, I have been alternatively blessed and cursed to meet some truly amazing people throughout the course of my travels. The blessed part of this is, of course, getting to meet such great people. I now have people I very much want to go visit all throughout the world — the UK, France, Australia, the Philippines, the Netherlands, Sweden, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, and yes … even India (among others). The downside is that, due to the transitory nature of my life, I don’t get to spend much time with these folks which, to put it simply, really sucks.

It truly is one of the larger issues in my life right now — how to regularly deal with new ‘best friends’ whom, in all likelihood, will soon lose that ’status’ whenever one, or all of us, move on (or goes home).

Another, and connected major, issue is the fact that I have no home. As I’ve mentioned previously, my friend who was so kindly putting me up in his extra room in Singapore has since ‘flew the koop’ — he’s moved back to Miami with his new fiance. Similarly, my other mate who was letting me crash on his couch in Singapore will, in all likelihood, be moving back to the States in the near future (plus, staying with him was never a long term option anyway; indeed, I haven’t even been back to Singapore since early last November).

However, another benefit of living with (relatively) no time constraints or agendas is the ability to simply ‘ride the crest’ of whatever wave may be passing by at any particular time — both literally and metaphorically.

Presently, due to a bizarre sequence of events I’m not at liberty to discuss, this ‘wave’ comes in the form of the ability for me to take over a friend’s lease here in Bangkok for 1-2 months. Initially, I thought twice about doing it since surf season in Indonesia is just about to pick up. However, after thinking on it for a bit, I thought it just a bit too coincidental that an opportunity like this would come up right now.

• Right now, when I’ve just met (and/or gotten to know better) some really great people here in Bangkok who have already taken me in as one of their own — just when I’ve been lamenting the transitory nature of my traveling friendships.
• Right now, when all I really wanted – needed – was a few weeks (at least) to relax and catch my breath between surf trips, like I would do in Singapore last year — just when I was contemplating quitting my travels en toto because I just wanted to sleep, with no pressure to stay, somewhere safe and comfortable for a little bit.
• Right now, when I was already looking from India and Sri Lanka towards Thailand as a place to take a deep breath and restore a sense of myself again after 4 months on the road.

Given these coincidences, it seemed the right thing to do, y’know?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still heading to Indonesia for a surf trip in a few weeks. But at least I’ve got a home to come back to — which, quite candidly, is a greater comfort than I ever thought it would be.

And no, it’s not perfect. I mean, I’ve been living in bamboo huts for the greater part of the past year, and Bangkok is a huge, modern, crowded, bustling city (very similar to NYC, in my opinion). And Bangkok is more expensive than India, Sri Lanka, or even the rest of Thailand (again, think NYC vs. rest of USA).

But it’s still relatively cheap (around US$250-300/mo. rent at a good location about 1/4 block from the Skytrain). And I have friends here I’m looking forward to spending time with. And the rail and bus lines are easy. And the food is both diverse and delicious. And English is spoken pretty much everywhere.

And most importantly, I have a place to call home for a month or two. Tonight, at last, I am coming home.

It’s 4:00 a.m., I’m up all night in another random airport for the second time in 3 days, and I’m jacked up on a whole boatload of Nescafe instant coffee. This is the part of traveling abroad that they never tell you about on National Geographic Explorer.

Welcome to my fucked-up little corner of the world.

The latest in our continuing series of Public Service Announcement (PSA’s) is of a more pragmatic sort that the first and second clips (both of which I realized only recently involved deviant sexual behavior — the first pertaining to the sexing up and disposal of a dead hooker, and the second pertaining to the sexing up one of the cast members from “Star Trek”).

In an attempt to assist the loyal “Bowl Illuminati” — all of whom are as involuntarily celibate as the undersigned author — as well as other nomadic visitors with no social lives, we hereby provides a more practical PSA; one which has been sorely lacking, for years, in sleepy retirement communities and Asian neighborhoods throughout the United States (as well as here in Miami and other third world countries):

Sick of a car taking up two spaces on the street? How about a car too close to yours? What about the car at the mall parked diagonally? Now you can do something about it. Simply download a notice and place it on the car’s windshield. The owner of the vehicle will be informed of their asshole status as well as the proper tips to improve their poor parking techniques. It’s time to put an end to asshole parking, or at least to make fun of it.

So just remember what the good book says, “it’s better to give than receive.”

(Provided by You Park Like An Asshole, via Blog Paul)

P.S. For extra credit, we’re giving out prizes to anyone who can scientifically prove which of the two following pictures shows the bigger super-duper asshole. We will be collecting all proofs, calculations, and worksheets used in reaching such conclusions.

• White House Adds Eight Inches To White House Fence. This move comes amongst recommendations to Mr. Bush from senior staff, including Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice. In related news, General Electric executive VP Jack Donaghy has been arrested and imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay by the Department of Homeland Security in connection with alleged “terrorist activities.” (Via The Onion)

• Squirrel Birth Control Aims To Curb Breeding Frenzy. CNN reports that Santa Monica, California, officials have tried poison, gassing and euthanasia to control a breeding frenzy among squirrels in a city park here. Now, they plan to give birth control a shot. And now back to CNN’s continuing coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith trial. (Via CNN)

• Starbucks Aims For 40,000 New Stores. U.S. coffee shop giant plans to open at least 40,000 more stores over the medium term, at a rate of six shops and 350 new employees per day. U.S. officials have tried poison, gassing and euthanasia to control the breeding frenzy among Starbucks. Now, they plan to give birth control a shot. (Via Reuters)

• Politician Seeks Klingon Votes. Out of Helsinki, Finland, comes news of a Finnish member of parliament aiming for re-election by campaigning with a translation of his Website into Klingon, used in the TV series “Star Trek.” He said his politics posed some translation difficulties, since Klingon does not have words for matters such as tolerance. Translation issues have arisen for other applicable terms, including sad, pathetic, geek, and virgin. (Via CNN)

• Starbucks Forms “Hear Music” Record Label. Starbucks announced on Monday that, in furtherance of its continuing attempts to conquer the Klingon Empire, it has formed its own record label, “Hear Music,” to develop records for sale both in its coffee shops and through traditional music retailers. Upon release of the announcement, rioting was reported outside the homes of Maroon 5 and Vanessa Carlton. (Via Yahoo News)

• MSNBC Special Report: Ashley Tisdale is No Pantyless Party Girl. Hot new starlet Ashley Tisdale is taking on the more established party girls. The star of “High School Musical” says she’s nothing like them — she always wears panties. And now back to MSNBC’s continuing coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith trial. (Via MSNBC)

• Priests to Purify Sacred Mayan Site of ‘Bad Spirits’ After Bush Visit. Yeah, I got nothing, the headline just speaks for itself. (Via CommonDreams.org)

• Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee Back Together? Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee ended their on-and-off again relationship in 1998. However, the two were seen getting mouth-to-mouth this past weekend after lunch with their kids in Santa Monica. Publicists for both Anderson and Lee denied the couple have reconciled, but instead were simply rehearsing for their next video — “Manaconda II, The Reckoning”. In related news, the U.S. Center for Disease Control issued a “high alert” warning for possible outbreaks of hepatitis, gonorrhea, and a new form of epidemic cerebrospinal meningitis immune to all form of antibiotics. (Via D-Listed)

• Belfast Lingerie Thief Claims To Be Female Elf. A man accused of a stealing underwear at knifepoint believed he was a female elf at the time, Belfast Crown Court has heard. Ahh yes, the old “female-elf defense.” Now why didn’t I think of that? Oh yeah, because I’m not completely fucking insane. (Via BBC News)

Miss Kitten recently wrote a post listing the many strange and obscure laws apparently still floating around here in the United States. Although most have fallen into obscurity and are not enforced anymore, there are some interesting one’s still out there.

She has a complete list of those laws printed up on her website here, in alphabetical order by state. Some of them are merely strange but others are downright disturbing – including the section of Miami Municipal Code which makes it illegal for a man to wear of any kind of strapless gown in public.

How odd, right?

Mental note: Call Macy’s customer service and see if refund still available for “slightly used” Nicole Miller Strapless Silk Evening Gown.

I saw this video Marc posted over at Uniquely The Epitome, describing how the Earth has been overrun by a bunch of monkeys. I liked it so much that I’m “borrowing” it from him (just like Tim Burton allegedly “borrowed” Kevin Smith’s idea for “The Planets of the Apes”).

Money (or mon-key) quote from video:

“See, the monkeys feel alone. All 6 Billion of them.

Some of the monkeys pay another monkey to listen to their problems.

The monkeys want answers. The monkeys know they’re going to die, so the monkeys make up gods and then they worship them.

Then the monkeys start to argue over whose made-up god is better.

Then the monkeys get really pissed off, and this is usually when the monkeys decide that it’s a good time to start killing each other.”

If you don’t catch it the first time, check out the fleeting reference to “The Flying Spaghetti Monster” as a nice little backside “Ba Fangul” to established religion.

P.S. Monkey? MONKEY? I’m a fucking gorilla, you clown!

I mentioned to one of my friends that I’m maintaining this blog. Now, apparently he’s got nothing better to do than to read it on a regular basis. So for him, I’m posting a bunch of random links I found from all around the “internets.” This should keep him busy for about 10 minutes. After that, kid, you’re on your own.

Raw Story:

A drug-resistant bacteria that is infecting wounded US soldiers in Iraq — and has spread to civilian hospitals in parts of Europe — accidentally evolved in US military hospitals in Iraq, Wired Magazine will report in a massive expose on Monday, RAW STORY has learned.

The several thousand word expose is set to bring uncomfortable new light to the bacteria Acinetobacter baumannii that Pentagon officials previously said was likely a product of Iraqi soil.

“By creating the most heroic and efficient means of saving lives in the history of warfare, the Pentagon had accidentally invented a machine for accelerating bacterial evolution and was airlifting the pathogens halfway around the world,” the magazine reveals.

Wired

Since OPERATION Iraqi Freedom began in 2003, more than 700 US soldiers have been infected or colonized with Acinetobacter baumannii. A significant number of additional cases have been found in the Canadian and British armed forces, and among wounded Iraqi civilians.

The Armed Forces Institute of Pathology has recorded seven deaths caused by the bacteria in US hospitals along the evacuation chain. Four were unlucky civilians who picked up the bug at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, DC, while undergoing treatment for other life-threatening conditions. Another was a 63-year-old woman, also chronically ill, who shared a ward at Landstuhl with infected coalition troops.

Crooks and Liars

The spread of a pathogen that targets wounded GIs has triggered broad reforms in both combat medical care and the Pentagon’s networks for tracking bacterial threats within the ranks. Interviews with current and former military physicians, recent articles in medical journals, and internal reports reveal that the Department of Defense has been waging a secret war within the larger mission in Iraq and Afghanistan – a war against antibiotic-resistant pathogens.

I’m not kidding, if I read any story in the news next week even mentioning the words “fire,” “frogs” or “locust” in the same sentence as “Operation Iraqi Freedom” – I’m heading on the first flight to Tahiti and burying my head in the surf.

Most people would agree that New York City has got to be among the best places in the world for people watching. That being said, it’s also truly amazing to see some of the people living here in Miami. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting having dinner with a few friends and Hulk Hogan and Mean Gene Okerlund walk by, with the Hulk still wearing his trademark yellow bandanna.

There are a number of celebrities who reside here in Florida to take advantage of the nonexistent State Income Taxes, so okay, fine. That’s not terribly unusual (I’m not even gonna discuss the circumstances of when I saw Hogan and Regis Philbin chatting with O.J. Simpson at a local restaurant – in that situation, you’ve gotta tell yourself: “just look away, don’t make eye contact”).

I raise this issue because I was going to court today on a case (shudder), and as I was walking into the courthouse I walked by a guy who looked like he stepped out of a bad “Dick Tracy” comic. I was looking around for the camera crew. It was absolutely comical, it’s 2007 and the guy was wearing a bowler hat, with a cigar, bow-tie, a yellow searsucker suit, and a pinstriped navy blue overcoat (it’s almost 90 degrees here today, by the way). There’s tons of gangsters down here in the MIA, don’t get me wrong. I just never thought I’d see one dressing the part so well.

I just noticed that a couple guys I’ve met on MyBlogLog have referenced in their own blogs this manic, stream of conscious, sanctimonious bat-shit I type here when I’m not busy spending money. I’ve no idea what the hell I’m saying here, but they seem to enjoy it. Don’t ask me why, your guess is as good as mine.

Unlike this blog, both of them actually have a purpose. One of them, Uniquely the Epitome, is by a really creative art director named Marc Rapp. He “draws pictures, make pictures move, write words to go with pictures, and put pictures in places for people to interact with them.” Actually, he’s really talented. take a look at his portfolio. Plus, just like me, he’s also interested in the complete misuse of the English language. Righteous!

The second of them, California Wine Hiker, is written by a gent named Russ Beebe who leads “winehiking” tours, and blogs about the California winehiking experience. Russ leads dozens of tours each year and is always on the lookout for new trails, wineries, and venues that will ensure a relaxing and memorable group experience. It’s a great concept, and there are no issues with drunken walking as far a I know.

Thanks guys. Much love. Peace out Player!

UPDATE: I also wanted to add another few blogs I neglected to discuss above because I was kinda busy. Um, well I am now too, so I’ll make it quick.

If you have any interest in Search Engine Optimization (SEO) stuff and the like, this guy David Templeton (who coincidentally has already commented on this post, ahem) has a great SEM SEO Certification Training Blog. It’s not dry like many similar ones are, and I especially like the caption of one of his latest entries: “SEO isn’t rocket science but neither is rocket science according to NASA.”

There’s also a nicely written blog by Vanessa Byers. Vanessa is a “fiscal management professional, freelance writer, poet and activist” who also, coincidentally, resides here in Miami. She just threw some love to a couple of friends of mine who own “Karma,” a local carwash/tapas lounge here in town. She can count, she can write and she’s got a clean car. Nice. Now I’ve just got to teach her to surf.

Finally, and with as much fanfare as I can muster today – there’s Tisha at Serenity Quest. She is incredibly insightful with respect to a variety of topics. Moreover, some of her content is decidedly “lipstick feminist” in nature, which simultaneously educates, intrigues, and frightens me all at the same time (my apologies if that gets taken as anything but a compliment).

As I’ve mentioned previously, in addition to pursuing my current projects (or schemes, as I like to think of them), I am currently looking to rejoin the standard workforce – either as a full-time attorney (shudder) or as an in-house counsel/consultant. As such, I am scouring the various job boards and employment firms, and contacting various friends and family to see if they know of anything that may fit my background and expertise.

During my virtual travels in this regard, I’ve come across a wide range of careers and job titles, some of which I was previously unaware. I have been chalking this up to the fact that, in practicing law, you are somewhat insulated from Corporate America and its 500 levels of Vice Presidencies. However, I recently came across one position that, I think, goes beyond my simple naivety. Indeed, even after reading the duties and responsibilities associated with this position, I STILL have no freaking idea what it is.

Specifically, one company is looking for a “Persusion [sic] Architect.” Even if I am to assume they meant “Persuasion Architect,” I still have no fucking clue what that means.

Is this now a course of study being offered at colleges and universities around the country? Since it involves architecture, are there drawing and design classes involved? And if there are lab classes and trigonometry requirements, I want nothing to do with it.

If you want to hire a marketing manager or a copy writer – just say so. I don’t have a problem with it. And if it’s a paying job, I’m sure the applicants themselves also won’t have a problem with it. But please don’t make up meaningless positions and titles just to make the job and the company sound more important than they are. That is, in my mind, the equivalent of calling Paris Hilton a “whoring architect.”

Whatever credibility you had to begin with drops yet another notch when the job comes with a silly title.

Nota Bene: Please no ugly commentary, I am aware that the term “Persuasion Architecture” is the invention of Bryan Eisenberg (for which he has a patent pending), the co-founder of Future Now, Inc. and co-author of (no, I’m not kidding) “Waiting for Your Cat to Bark?” I have nothing against Mr. Eisenberg – or his cat. I’m simply making a point about, among other things, the extent to which Orwellian doublespeak has permeated out daily lives.

Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more.
Over hill and highway the banana buggies go, Comin’ to bring you the Banana Split show.
Flippin’ like a pancake, popping like a cork, Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper an’ Snork.