A Bowl of Stupid

VANCOUVER (AP): The US team once again proved its superiority by dominating the waterboarding exercises at the 2010 Olympic Games yesterday.

Among the US athletes participating in this year’s Olympic Games were three of the top-ranked waterboarders in the world. Adm Jack Francone, Sgt Brian Naismith and Private Kirstie Jacobs were all ranked in the top 5 by Waterboarding magazine at the start of this year, and they easily saw off the less experienced Afghan and Pakistan teams, and even bested their well-lauded Israeli counterparts.

In the event, team members are given ten minutes to simulate the drowning of a suspect volunteer. Judged like figure skating, each athlete is given marks for technical mastery of the skill and is also judged on his overall artistry.

“What really differentiates one waterboarder from another are the flourishes –- trash talk, a well placed knee on the neck, or a fist in the mouth –- that a particular athlete adds when executing his routine. It really is an art form,” explained the U.S. Team Coach, former Vice President Dick Cheney.

The Iranian team also put in a good showing and have shown remarkable improvement in the event over the past few years, progress some analysts attribute to hands-on lessons received at a “secret training facility” of which the Iranians had denied the existence until this weekend, when they publicly declared themselves a ‘nuclear state’.

The Olympics run through February 28th, concluding with rubber-hose cryptanalysis (in which a rubber hose is applied forcefully and frequently to the soles of the feet until the key to the cryptosystem is discovered, a process that can take a surprisingly short time and is quite computationally inexpensive). Las Vegas has the Iranian team as a 12:1 odds-on favorite to win, although Mr. Cheney has said that he is confident “this years U.S. team will be able to end years of Iranian dominance in this event.”

(A photo from Cosmopolitan Magazine of newly elected Republican Scott Brown, who won the Massachusetts U.S. Senate seat held by the late Democrat Edward M. Kennedy for nearly half a century)

See, its not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It’s that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.

-John Stewart, on the election of Republican Scott Brown and the resulting (probable) failure of the Democratically controlled White House and Congress to pass health care reform

While I obviously like to write as a means of self-expression, I’ve never professed to be a grand wordsmith. Or a poet, for that matter. My imagination just isn’t that expansive.

I have, however, always been a huge fan of poetry, and poetry readings, in general. Displays of the spoken word, however, are not all that abundant where I’ve been traveling for the past several years. And I miss them.

Admittedly, the lesser skilled readings may sometimes be tedious, but there are usually a few gems hidden that get your mind lubed up and cranking again — which is nice in light of the steady decline in general knowledge, and the growing disdain of unique self-expression and self-exploration.

HBO’s Def Poetry Jam has been a beacon. A rebirth. And, for many, an introduction to what poetry can be in the modern, urban world. Many of the poets they’ve managed to book have been simply sublime.

And while this particular poem may be somewhat dated (it originally aired on HBO on 25 April 2003, at the height of American post 9-11 paranoia, and the Bush Administration’s exploitation of same), it’s still one of my favorites. And it still holds true today. Perhaps even more so, given President Obama’s decision to “up-the-anty” in Afghanistan — sending an additional (ironically enough) 30,000 troops into that quagmire.

Fighting fire with fire doesn’t seen to be working anymore, perhaps it’s time to try something else?

Jonzi D — “3000 Casualties Of War”

[S]ome people feel it was sort of weird for Barack Obama to throw himself into the fight with such ardor. They may have a point. But if the president is going to take a flier on an improbable and possibly delusional quest, I would prefer that it involve lobbying the Olympic committee rather than, say, invading a country.

-Gail Collins, on President Obama’s failure to persuade the International Olympic Commitee to allow Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics

If you strike them down, they shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

(c/o Andrew Sullivan, again)

Good updates on the situation in Iran continue here:

• Andrew Sullivan
• Neo-resistance
• The Lede (NY Times Blog)
• The Belgravia Dispatch

(photo c/o Andrew Sullivan)

Like CNN, I too have conspicuously avoided writing about the Iranian election debacle and resulting demonstrations. However, I’d like to think that my reasons for doing so are far nobler than the simple neglect shown by CNN’s and the remainder of the mainstream media.

And once coverage actually began in the mainstream media, instead of covering the actual events on the ground, ironically, much has instead been made about how the Obama administration should continue to handle the situation. Many pundits (on all sides of the political spectrum) are claiming the President should lend more vocal support to the protesters.

Personally, I disagree.

Although the cause may indeed be just, it’s not America’s role to engage in internal Iranian politics at this stage. Indeed, in this case, discretion is the better part of valor. The New Republic, of all places, has an unusually coherent editorial in this regard:

the Obama administration has to be very careful about backing, or even placing great hopes on, someone like Iran’s Moussavi and even on his impassioned followers. If we are seeing the beginning of another revolution–or structural transformation–in Iran, it is worth remembering that before the dust clears on this events, Kerensky can become Lenin and Bani Sadr can become Khomeini.

Personally, I hope the violence ends soon. And I also hope, like many Iranians do, for change. The Iranian people deserve it.

However, regardless of the underlying causes behind what is now happening on the ground in Iran, regardless of whatever personal attachments or feelings I or anyone else outside Iran may have to same, and regardless of how the international community chooses to react, what is now happening is the province of the Iranian people. Moreover, it is one of the most important things taking place in the world right now. And it should not – cannot - be dismissed.

I would suggest everyone keep up with Andrew Sullivan and other non-traditional media sources for updates.

Salon published an article yesterday about President Obama’s ongoing attempts to redefine the healthcare industry back in the States. Apparently sensing a potential loss in their staggering profit margins, the healthcare providers and insurance companies back in the States ain’t gonna go quietly:

Obama may have gotten big healthcare industry players to agree to talk about reforms, but now that things are actually moving, they’re not playing along as nicely as the White House hoped they would. “Remember how [healthcare interest groups] all wanted a seat at the table?” one consultant working on the issue said. “Well, now they’re all throwing their food.”

As aptly noted in the article, the U.S. spends more money on healthcare than any nation in the world without much evidence that the quality of the care is any better.

Having lived outside the States for several years now without the ‘benefit’ of American health insurance, I’m starting to get a better grasp on just HOW true this is. And just HOW ridiculously overpriced, ineffective, and at times, simply bizarre, the healthcare industry is back in the States.

I’m had the need to ‘sample’ the medical industries in several Asian countries now, including those in purported ‘third-world’ countries — Indonesia, Philippines, Thailand, Sri Lanka, and India.

And while the range of medical procedures I’ve needed while traveling has ranged from a full-fledged operative procedure to simple medical checkups, none of those countries — NONE OF THEM — were so bound up in red tape and exaggerated costs as they are back in the States.

Indeed, even without the luxury of medical insurance for more extensive procedures and treatment (which I pray I never need), the costs for every treatment and drug I’ve needed so far cost pennies on the dollar for what the same thing would have cost back in the States.

Only after you’ve escaped the prison of the American healthcare system does it become crystal clear just how horribly that industry is raping the American public. Through years of unfettered access to Congressional representatives and Presidents, the American healthcare industry has entrenched itself in the American political and financial world so well as to possess the most coveted position of power outside the oil and banking industries.

It’s not a question of partisan politics. It’s a question of power and money. And as we will no doubt witness over the coming months and years, now that these rapists have become so entrenched, they won’t go without a fight. And they won’t go quietly.

Which is a shame, because I was thinking of returning to the States at some point.

For anyone with a bit of a fond nostalgic streak, or for those who would pity (the admittedly pitiable) departing President G.W. Bush, or even if, like me, you simply want to forget the past and move on — I would ask that you do one thing first:

Read the piece that just came out in the February 2009 edition of Vanity Fair — distilled from scores of interviews — which offers fresh insight into the roles of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and other key players, entitled: An Oral History of the Bush White House.

It’s not so much a news article as it is a cautionary tale to those who may try to forget or otherwise whitewash the raping of the United States, Iraq, the environment, the global financial markets, and the world itself, in its entirety, by the Bush Administration over the past 8 years.

The threat of 9/11 ignored. The threat of Iraq hyped and manipulated. Guantánamo and Abu Ghraib. Hurricane Katrina. The shredding of civil liberties. The rise of Iran. Global warming. Economic disaster.

I’ve no pithy remarks. No smartass commentary. No words of pseudo-wisdom to impart. I just hope as many people as possible read and remember this, and other relatively undiluted accounts of what REALLY took place over the past 8 years — before the Neocon spin masters get to it and turn George W. Bush into another Ronald Reagan.

(Via Failblog.org)

So apparently, the Bushies are at it again, doing the only thing they’ve ever been good at doing — running a false propaganda campaign.

A few days ago, Stephen Hayes of The Weekly Standard discussed what is being dubbed “The Bush Legacy Project”, stating that those involved are “looking at how to sort of roll out the president’s legacy.”

In other words, as Chez put it:

“[T]he revisionists are trying to rewrite history, or at the very least spin it deftly enough so that Bush doesn’t in fact wind up looking like what he is: the worst president this country has ever seen.”

Jeeee-suz! Didn’t these numnuts learn anything from Ronald Reagan’s post-Presidency spin machine? You’re supposed to wait until AFTER you disclose your guy had early onset dementia before you start painting him as the next coming of Christ.

After the dementia press-release. AFTER!!

Okay, so could someone please tell me which is worse:

1. Signing on for a sweet gig writing movie and music reviews on one of the best entertainment websites online today (yeah, I’m not above pandering …), and then getting assigned to review Britney Spears’ latest piece of shit CD.

or,

2. Donating millions to win a long, hard fought and historic Presidential campaign — and then getting tapped again for even MORE money after your candidate wins, just to pay off the US$7.5 million debt from the rival candidate’s failed presidential bid?

Yep, that’s a tough one, but I’m gonna have to go with the Britney Spears review, too. It’s only money, right?

UPDATE: Apparently TK actually VOLUNTEERED to review the Britney album. So that takes him out of the ‘unlucky’ category (like the Obama donors), and moves him into the ‘dumb as a box of rocks’ category — for which he’s entitled to no sympathy votes. Sorry kid.

For anyone interested in watching one of the most inspiring victory speeches ever made, I suggest you watch the following. Not only is P.E. Obama one of the best orators around today, but he and his speech writers are some of the most talented writers out there as well. Watch this and tell me this speech doesn’t make you proud to be an American.

It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.
– President Elect Barack Obama

It’s over. Finally. Thank FUCKING god!

After a seemingly endless election cycle, the race for the next President of the United States has finally been decided. And regardless which of the candidates had won, there now exists a light at the end of the tunnel that has been the George W. Bush presidency. The nightmare — for Americans, Iraqis, and countless others worldwide — will soon be over.

Even better, and more overwhelming news is that the American public — whether due to huge voter turnout, shifting demographics, or the presence of sheer logic — managed to overcome whatever fear, bigotry or hatred they may have to elect the right person for the job at this particular point in history:

President-Elect Barack Obama.

Personally, I didn’t think they had it in them. I never actually thought it would happen. And I had resigned myself to be a reluctant ex-pat “American” for years to come.

Unless you’re an American living abroad during the past 8 years, you probably don’t understand the magnitude of the decision made today back in the States. Even despite the 2004 election debacle, most people worldwide (at least those I’ve met and heard about) continued to believe that Americans — while unbelievably DUMB — were, by in large, still good people that somehow fell under the thumb of an evil, dictatorial ruler, and were simply awaiting someone (or something) to lead them to better days.

Had McCain (his own qualifications, or lack thereof, notwithstanding) been elected, or even had Obama not been elected by the wide margin of victory it now appears he will win by, I’m not sure how much more other citizens of the world could have taken. I honestly feared the rest of the global community may have turned on regular American citizens, in general.

Thankfully, that is a concern I now don’t need to confront.

Instead, a majority of Americans have proved worthy of the trust freely bestowed upon them by the rest of the world. A world which now has the ability — rightly so, in my opinion — to justify their decision in that regard. And for the first time in a very, VERY long time, I’m proud to call myself an American while traveling and living abroad.

Today, I am a true American patriot.

Again, those of you who have never been in my position may judge, heckle or otherwise condemn my feelings as simply riding the “Obama Bandwagon”. However, those of you who do so don’t know how it felt to be traveling around Indonesia and having to deal with the looks of utter contempt on the faces of previously friendly locals upon hearing where I’m from. Nor did you have to constantly distance yourself from the country you love simply because it has been so utterly PERVERTED by the evil whims of one man (or one party). Or to do so simply so you won’t get ‘taken for a ride’ by the local authorities because you’re an American (one time in Costa Rica, the only way I got out of a ‘ticket’ was by saying although I was American, I still hated George Bush — they loved that).

Regardless, I feel like a huge weight has been removed from my shoulders, and from the world’s collective conciousness. I can lift my head high again — something new to me during my only recent tenure living abroad — when saying where I’m from, who is my President, and acknowledging that my fellow Countrymen (and women) voted as they did:

For change. For peace. For logic. For balance. For everything good and right that the United States of America is supposed to embody — proving that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth.

Granted, this comes with a huge amount of responsability to place on the shoulders of any one man. But President-Elect Obama asked for our trust, we gave him our trust, and now I can only sit back and hope he continues to earn our trust — and the trust of the rest of the world.

UPDATE: I just saw this article over at the Huffington Post written by William Kole — an American living abroad in Europe — echoing the sentiments voiced above, and by seemingly every other expat American I know.

CNN is reporting that, over the past several years, the U.S. government has been spying on Americans’ intimate conversations abroad. In particular, the report states:

A terrorist surveillance program instituted by the Bush administration allows the intelligence community to monitor phone calls between the United States and overseas without a court order — as long as one party to the call is a terror suspect.

Adrienne Kinne, a former U.S. Army Reserves Arab linguist, told ABC News the NSA was listening to the phone calls of U.S. military officers, journalists and aid workers overseas who were talking about “personal, private things with Americans who are not in any way, shape or form associated with anything to do with terrorism.”

David Murfee Faulk, a former U.S. Navy Arab linguist, said in the news report that he and his colleagues were listening to the conversations of military officers in Iraq who were talking with their spouses or girlfriends in the United States.

According to Faulk, they would often share the contents of some of the more salacious calls stored on their computers, listening to what he called “phone sex” and “pillow talk.”

So lemme get this straight … on the one hand, we’ve sacrficed our civil liberties so the ‘god fearing’ folks in the Bush Administration could moniter our personal calls, emails, etc.; while on the other hand, a whole other set of civil liberties have been lost because those same nutjobs, in the name of everything holy, work to ban ‘pornographic’ material on U.S. goverment installations.

As a result, governmental personnel have now resorted to listening in on ‘phone sex’ calls smply to get their daily recommended allowance of porn. Umm … does that pretty much sum it up?

Does anyone else see the irony here, or am I taking crazy pills again?

Taking advantage of my brief sojourn into the lands of shopping malls and air conditioned movie theatres, I opted to go to Plaza Singapura the other day to see Robert Redford’s latest movie, Lions For Lambs.

I’ll leave the more sublime dissection of this glorified ABC After School Special to the professionals.

However, having seen the movie in a ‘non-domestic’ setting (i.e., outside the U.S.), there are several things about the movie I picked up on that I may not have had I seen it back in the States. I do at least want to mention them.

Of the movie itself, I will say this — despite addressing one of the most polarizing issues in the last 25 years (America’s psychopathic, and seemingly unending, rampage throughout East Asia), and boasting the talents of some of Hollywood’s best actors — this has got to be one of the most BORING movies I’ve seen since The English Patient (which means something, considering I too was one of the several hapless victims of ‘The Horse Whisperer’).

The point I realized there was a problem is when I found myself trying to learn to read Chinese by matching up the sub-titles (standard for all international films shown in Singapore) with the dialogue on the screen. (That didn’t go so well, by the way. Unlike Wayne Campbell, I’m having no luck learning Mandarin.)

It really is unfortunate, because the film – at scattered, albeit brief, moments along the way – says everything either that I’ve said or heard others say in the past 5 years about the Bush Administration, the Mainstream Media, the War in Iraq, and the ‘War on Terror’ (oh, and how’s that ‘War on Drugs going, by the way?).

Unfortunately, most of these insightful flashes (positive or negative, depending on your view) are either obfuscated by horrible duologue, marred by formulaic acting, and reduced to parody by script recitation — all of which were seemingly retrieved via a daring rescue of the scraps from the cutting room floor of Star Wars III.

Shit, I never thought I’d say this, but Mannequin Skywalker gave a more nuanced performance than did Meryl Streep in this film.

More disquieting is that the movie is, quite simply, a means by which the studio seemingly berates today’s political, media, and social machinery that treats the general public as a bunch of sophomoric high-school students — while at the same time, by and through the preachy, long-winded, convoluted, self-righteous, boring-ass tone of the movie, treats them just as poorly.

Simply put, Lions For Lambs, in my opinion, ironically (unintentionally, in all likelihood) does the same thing of which it complains — talking down to its audience, the general public.

I mean, really … where the fuck does Robert Redford get off telling us about the political, military, and socio-economic ramifications of what’s taken place over the past 5 years. And where was he 5 years ago anyway, when it mattered? Making some fucking horse movie?

C’mon, get a grip.

I saw it on the faces of the Singaporean folks as we walked out of the film. They were chuckling to each other, as if to say: ‘It’s about fucking time. But it’s not like you’re telling us something the entire world doesn’t already know. Really, cuz if you think it’s such big news, at least make it more entertaining.’

I agree. As such, I would ask that the next time Robert Redford makes a movie, remind me to bring along an ‘English to Chinese’ dictionary — at least then I’ll have something to keep me occupied.