A Bowl of Stupid

The list of woes is far too thorny a thicket in which to venture here, but suffice to say that 2009 — and the entire Aughts — will go down as quite possibly one of the absolute worst eras in recent history.

For me personally, it’s been an absolute banner fucking year at the ol’ Bender household — despite my attempts to move on to another career path, a significant loss of accrued savings due to the financial meltdown has left me looking for full-time work again (and, dear God, legal work, at that). Plus, the seemingly worldwide hiring freeze resulting from that crisis doesn’t seen to offer any immediate respite, even in that industry.

That being said, given the Scuba diving and surfing pics adoring this site, I still can’t delude myself into thinking that my year was all that bad. I actually do consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. I sorta saw this whole thing coming and had the means to escape to Asia before I suffered any significant woes. I sold my property back in the States for a profit, was able to distance myself from my old gig with little issue and, unencumbered by any significant emotional entanglements, I’ve been able to traipse about Asia for the past several years.

However, as everyone obviously knows, many others haven’t fared even a fraction as well as I have. Indeed, countless millions have lost their life savings, their friendships, marriages and, thanks to that walking void who ran the store for the better part of the decade (cough, cough, George Bush, cough, cough), millions of others have lost their lives, as well.

I know far too many of these types myself — friends who have lost their jobs, homes savings and insurance to corporate malfeasance. Others who have separated or divorced (either directly or indirectly) due to the ’09 shitstorm. And others yet who still can’t find a decent gig even after years of involuntary under/unemployment.

Yes, it has been nice to be able to lend some comfort, either directly or by way of allowing them the means to live vicariously through me. But as one can tell simply by looking through this blog, it’s been getting harder and harder for me to comfort anyone from atop my self-aggrandized perch, even as my own world is contracting at an ever-increasing pace.

This being said, all I can hope for is that 2010, and the entirety of the next decade, will be far, far better than the last one. Well, that and a hearty ‘fuck you, good bye, and good riddance’ to 2009.

Just last week, I was lamenting the general decline in American education with respect to the most recent embracement of Sarah Palin-esque ideals by many Americans. In all honesty, however, that kind of stuff is made in jest (for the most part).

Where the rubber really meets the road is the fact that, while Americans have been busy invading other countries, arguing over which is the true nonexistent God, and debating whether or not Lady Gaga is a man or not, other peoples around the globe have been making some truly INCREDIBLE technological advances.

The following is one of the most inspired, and inspiring, demonstrations of technological prowess that I’ve seen in a long time. Watch Pranav Mistry talk about the thrilling potential of SixthSense technology. It’s absolute genius.

Continuing with the early ’90s era musical kick I’m on this week, I’m going back to a less intense song. Partly because I’ve been listening to it over and over the past couple days, but mostly because I’m not really up for a heavier song this morning — apparently consuming large quantities of rum until 0400 a.m. can lead to an absolutely agonizing hangover.

Yeah, who knew, right?

So here’s another tune from the Singles Soundtrack (I don’t care how ‘gimmicky’ and exploitative of the then up-and-coming Seattle-scene that people say the move was, it still had one of the best soundtracks ever produced). Knock yourselves out.

P.S. Please kill me.

Chris Cornell – Seasons

Happy Thanksgiving, you fat dumb redneck nation. Good luck on trying to form coherent sentences.

Oh yeah, for anyone interested, it’s this type of idiocy that led to my decision to flee the States.

MEH (mē’)

1. (n.) A multi-purpose response, primarily used to imply a degree of indifference.

2. (n.) Vietnam, a country of southeast Asia in eastern Indochina on the South China Sea.

My posts on this blog have been less than prolific in recent months, I know. That’s not to say that much hasn’t been happening in this time. To the contrary, it has — I simply haven’t written about it.

This can be blamed on the fact that I’ve become obsessed with finding a full-time paying gig in Thailand and/or Singapore, which admittedly does take up a lot of my time. However, the ‘truthier’ reason is that I simply haven’t had anything all that stunning to write about.

Don’t get me wrong, over the past several months, I’ve taken a trip back to Sri Lanka, I’ve moved from Bali back to Bangkok, I’m heading back to the States in a few days for the first time in a couple years, and I’m currently in Saigon helping out a friend.

But all of this has been done before, nothing has pissed me off significantly where I felt the need to write about it, and nothing else has happened warranting a full-fledged blog post. Rather, over the past several months, I find that everything I have to say can be said with a 1-line status report on Facebook.

That being said, being back in Saigon has finally piqued my vitriolic creative juices again.

I’ve been to this country three (3) times now, and even not including the times when I had my money grifted at the border crossing and my digital camera stolen from my bag, I STILL have yet to find anything even remotely redeeming about this place.

It’s not so bad that I actively dislike the place, it’s just that, in relation to all the other countries in the region, Vietnam is a Southeast Asian version of Carnival Cruise Lines — on paper, it appears just as good as … say, Thailand or Laos or even Indonesia. But then, when you actually get there, you find out the other passengers are trashier, the cabins are dingier, the food less tasty, the daiquiris watered down, the cruise overbooked, and the crew less accommodating than other cruise lines. And sure, the pool LOOKS great, but there’s a lingering feeling the entire crew has been surreptitiously pissing in the pool every time your back in turned.

The total effect of all this is to leave a nasty aftertaste in your soul, despite any efforts to the contrary.

Maybe my problem (if it can be called that) is that I’ve grown to love Thailand and Laos to such an extent that everything else pales in comparison (even Indonesia, which I also like). As a result, as it now stands, I’d rather hang out in my hotel room surfing the net rather than go outside, dodge traffic, and otherwise watch the locals piss in my pool.

It’ll be interesting to see how I react upon my return to America next week.

The Indonesian Army on Saturday finally reached some of the areas worst hit by Wednesday’s earthquake, bringing two desperately needed tractors to unearth people and houses buried in landslides that swept away entire villages here. One of the tractors promptly broke down.

–New York Times, reporting on the extremely slow Indonesian response to the 7.6 magnitude earthquake that hit Sumatra last week (United Nations currently estimates the death toll at more than 1,000, with thousands more still missing).

If you strike them down, they shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

(c/o Andrew Sullivan, again)

Good updates on the situation in Iran continue here:

• Andrew Sullivan
• Neo-resistance
• The Lede (NY Times Blog)
• The Belgravia Dispatch

It’s been widely reported that X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the blockbuster that was supposed to start the wave of 2009 summer movies, is really bad. This, after the unfinished movie was leaked online a month before its world premiere.

The authorized movie trailers do nothing to dispel the buzz that the film is nothing more than a celebrity-packed “B movie.”

And just last night, I saw something locally here in Asia that just adds more fuel to the fire.

Out here in Asia, we’re understandably limited in the number of English speaking television networks, with HBO, Star World and XPN being three (3) of the most ubiquitous. Both HBO and Star have sister networks, with Star Movies being the most popular of the Star networks.

This week, Star Movies is advertising that it will be showing X-Men Origins: Wolverine on PAY PER VIEW on it’s Asian release date next week, rather than going to movie theatres. Let me say that again, THE summer blockbuster has been reduced to essentially a ‘straight to DVD’ production.

Great news, as I can look forward to seeing a pirated DVD version I can buy for .50 cents (US) in the next few days!

The sheer stupidity to which I sometimes live up to the title of this blog is staggering. And for how much insight I can often glean when reading people in how they deal with others, it is also staggering at just HOW wrong I usually am when I try to apply that same insight into my own life (the only reason I know is when people have told me months, or even years, after the fact).

But more distressful than either of those things is the fact that, even after all these years, I still sometimes pout like a little boy when things don’t go my way.

I’ve always been a brat, yes, that’s true. But I had conquered (or at least begun to master) the silly little temper tantrums I used to throw when things didn’t go my way.

But all this living alone, and doing everything I want, and going wherever I want, whenever and however I want — day in and day out for the last 3 years — has softened me up again to the point where I’ve forgotten how to deal with things, and people, when I DON’T get to do what I want. And I’ve returned to that place I was at when I was a stupid little boy — acting like a complete ass until I get my way.

It is not who I am. And, after a couple days reflection, I just want to beat myself about the head and neck with a handful of cocktail straws. But unfortunately, it’s something I need to deal with again.

For the moment, I’m too tired, and too angry with myself to explore — in words, at least — how best to deal with my apparent loss of maturity and self-control. And I’m hunkering down against a massive case of sensory overload and culture shock here in Sydney right now.

I really am a bit worried about how, and if, I’ll be able to readjust when I finally do return to the herd.

With that being said, I’m heading out of Sydney to visit friends in Melbourne for several days. Then I may stay with another friend in the small coastal town of Woolongong to get some surf, and try to clear my head a bit. Because it’s all just a bit much at the moment.

Several years ago, Alec Baldwin played a character in a Saturday Night Live skit where he was surprised to learn that his voice sounded gay to other people. Every time he recorded a voice message in a normal voice, the recorded playback piped back an incredibly feminine voice, with disco paying in the background. Although it was a pretty funny skit, I never really gave it any further thought.

But today, I went to a bookstore here in Bangkok to get something to read for my upcoming trip to Bali and Australia. While there, I struck up a conversation with a beautiful Thai woman there. We wound up having a great time, we exchanged phone numbers, and we spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out together. I had a great time.

But once again, I’m leaving Bangkok first thing tomorrow morning. Deja-fuckin’-vu, right?

I swear to all that is holy, if I meet yet another attractive girl RIGHT before either she or I move to another country, I’m gonna beat every last one of you fuckers about the head and neck with a dead flounder.

But even more disconcerting than the fact that I’ve no realistic chance of pursuing a relationship with this chick (yet again), is what she let slip later in the day. Apparently, the main reason why she felt comfortable enough to talk to me in the first place — she thought I was gay.

Me? Gay?

What? The? Fuck?

I don’t see it. I really don’t. But then again, that Kiwi girl I met in Vietnam last month told me something similar. Specifically, she said that I may have been here in Asia too long, because I apparently no longer have some of the more ‘masculine’ mannerisms used by Western blokes.

At first, I chalked that up to the fact she hasn’t spent much time here in Asia (and to my propensity for using obscure words most guys don’t otherwise use in everyday conversation). But now a Thai girl is also telling me the same thing.

Umm … yah, perhaps I may have been here too long.

It’s ironic, one of the things I sought to accomplish by coming to Asia (as well as exploring Buddhism and furthering my yoga practice) was to reduce my Western aggressive tendencies, and to stop acting like such a loud American prick, in general. And I also chose to move around so much because I no longer wanted to deal with all the drama bullshit that comes with having a long-term girlfriend.

So now … I tend not to get mad anymore when people bump into me on the street, or step on my toes on the train, or just act like pricks in general. And now my posture and mannerisms have indeed changed due to my extensive yoga practice. And I’ve also learned (except for the past month, of course) generally not to pursue women I’m attracted to because I know I won’t be sticking around in one location for too long.

Wait a sec — no aggressive tendencies? good posture? no more stupid pick up lines? — holy hell, I DO sound kinda gay!!

Fuck that shit!! No more yoga — I’m going back to the boxing gym. Time to start hitting people again. Hard!

And I tell ya’, this whole Buddhism ‘be nice to people’ shit is for faggots!

And to hell with the fact that I may never have a long term relationship out here — I’m gonna start chattin’ up the birds as much as I can, wherever I can, whenever I can. To hell with all that ‘deep feelings’ bullshit! … Let’s just be honest. You want it. I wanna give it to you. So let’s fuck!

Hey, I think it’s working!! I can feel the gayness draining out of me already!!

“Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career.”
–Jack King, Confessions of a Winning Poker Player

There are no nice ways out. Not really.

Even now, almost 8 years later, I can remember with clarity one particular moment of realization.

I had been with my then-girlfriend for several years and our relationship was in the final throes of a long, slow death rattle. And we were going shopping, or to the movies, or off to do some such random shit. And as we were walking down the stairs from her apartment to my car, I realized that, although we were still technically a ‘couple’ … I was alone.

There was just nothing there anymore. Whatever had been was gone. And I was on my own again, for better or worse.

I’ve had similar epiphanies over the years — with respect to both friends and intimates — and for some reason those times seem to be the ones I tend to recall with the most clarity.

Based on (among other things) many of your recommendations, I decided earlier this week to follow up on the spark I found on the beach in Vietnam last month.

So I’ve been in Brunei for the past several days visiting my princess before she goes home. And for a variety of issues — many of them mine own — those days unfortunately contained far too many uncomfortable moments than I care to recall.

It sucks not being able to make things work out the way you want them to.

So this morning, as I was walking back to my hotel after having just made travel arrangements to leave Brunei for my next port of call, I had a distinct sense of deja vu.

Despite still being in the company of that beautiful princess I fell in love with back in Vietnam, I was once again on my own.

Once I made that realization, I was (and am) actually okay with it. It just is how it is.

But fuck man, it’s been so long since I put my heart into someone or something to the extent I have these past weeks — even when I went to Boston for KB a couple years ago. I didn’t realize until it was already done just how much I had pinned onto this one person all my hopes for stability — which I guess have been building over the past several years now.

It just gets so tiring sometimes, tho. It’s tiring carrying the entire load of everything alone all the time under my particular circumstances — constantly moving, the cadre of ever-revolving friends, not having a home … everything.

I really thought I didn’t need anyone’s help.

Apparently I was wrong. And I didn’t even realize just how wrong until my unconscious pressed the issue — one which would not have otherwise existed in normal circumstances. I just wanted someone to help me take care of things a little bit, y’know?

It was unfair and inappropriate to look for that — especially from someone on holiday. But sometimes you can’t see these things from the inside looking out. And while I still don’t think I’ll be able to look at pictures from Cambodia or Vietnam for a while without a little bit of my heart breaking, I can tell that I’m alone again.

And the worst part is that, if the past is any indication, despite the amazing time I had then and there, I will most likely recall most vividly only today’s walk back to my hotel.

That’s right … bros before hoes. Deal with it, sucka.

All these years, I’ve been fighting the whole spamming thing tooth and nail — installing enough pop-up blockers, email spam blockers, and other crap to choke a horse.

But all these prophylactics also tend to block some of my regular email as well, which sometimes necessitates my going through my various spam filters and folders to weed out the spam from the occasional non-spam. Rarely do I take the time to even read the stuff.

I happened to look at a couple of these emails today, however. And I gotta say — some of them are pretty fucking funny! And by funny, I mean stupid. Really, these advertising whores have branched out since their inception. And here I thought they were only advertising penis-pumps and fat pills. Who knew?

So today I’m starting what I hope will become a new tradition — a ‘Fun With Stupid Spam Mail’ feature, where I’ll post these moronic spam-mails verbatim for us to ridicule. So we start out with the following, because practical witchcraft is always a big seller:

Dear [OMITTED],

“Old Witchcraft Secrets” will show you in detail, how you can cast powerful spells, to make your wildest dreams come true.

It’s NOT your fault that your spells and rituals aren’t turning out like you want… Yet.

The truth is… you’ve been misled by self-proclaimed powerful wizards and witches… and the truth is that 99% of these ‘professionals’ are Dead Wrong!

In fact, a lot of what they say will actually diminish your powers.

They don’t want you to know the right way to cast spells because if you did, you’d never need them again and they would lose their power!

You cannot invent ‘new’ spells just like you cannot invent a new tree. Everything is old. But not everything is known in the right way.

Get 3 Spells just for visiting our site [SITE OMITTED]

Old Witchcraft
642 Main Street
Chalestown, Nevis, Saint Kitts Nevis

The problem with this is that there are just so many ways to go:

So it’s not my fault my spells aren’t working? No shit?! And I thought it was just because there’s NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC!

And what’s that, we can’t ‘invent a new tree’? Really? What ever happened to that whole ‘seed-planting’ thingy that seems to have been working since, ohh … for-fucking-ever?

And ‘everything is old’, huh? Go tell that one to the Judge at the statutory rape hearing … trust me, I’m a lawyer, I guarantee it’ll work! (‘But Your Honor, this girl quite obviously cannot be under 18 — because everything is old!’)

What does it take to become a ‘professional wizard or witch’? Do they have to go through a minor league first? Is there a draft? Is there quidditch? Can you drop through the pro ranks like in boxing?

Probably the saddest part about this is that they wouldn’t send out this crap if at least SOMEONE didn’t buy their shit. Who knows, it could work — look at Sarah Palin.