A Bowl of Stupid

   
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Okay, I'll admit it — I'm a bit of a comic book junkie. Always have been, probably always will be.

For that reason alone, I'd been looking forward to the new Iron Man movie for a while now. However, with all the traveling I've been doing, I kinda forgot about the whole thing until I got back to Bangkok last week.

Luckily for me (and for Marvel), posters of Robert Downey Jr. in that goddamn iron suit are pasted up all around Bangkok — so it took me all of .025 seconds to remember about the film. Also luckily for me, the film was formally released in Bangkok theaters on 30 April (about 3 days ago), and unofficially released several weeks prior by the guy selling bootleg DVD's down on Sukhumvit Road.

So I've had the opportunity to see the movie twice so far.

And I gotta tell ya' … it's not bad. In fact, it's a pretty freakin' good.

Admittedly, it takes neither a genius nor a sneak-peak at the script to figure out the plot, before ever stepping foot into a theater (or the Sukhumvit) — successful, morally destitute, yet fundamentally good protagonist suffers harm at hands of TRULY evil persons … realizes the error of his ways … find means to rectify past wrongs and help save the world (in this case, such 'means' being a post-modern bullet-proof flying suit) … hilarity ensues … blah, blah, blah.

And yes, Iron Man can be enjoyed as just another action/adventure superhero movie — with all the requisite blockbuster CGI special effects. But thanks to the strength of primary casting (Downey, Jeff Bridges, Terrance Howard), the movie also works on a more human-scale — as a drama about a reckless man who, in discovering his conscious, decides that being a playboy weapons manufacturer may not be a 'morally sound' way to conduct his life.

On paper, Iron Man and his alter-ego Tony Stark look rather generic, but in the hands of Downey and director, Jon Favreau (remember Swingers?), the stock superhero character is redefined as a screwball romantic that hides a deeper, contemplative side — sort of like a Nick Charles (The Thin Man) for the 21st century.

Admittedly, Downey was an unlikely choice to play a superhero, but his own dark past, infectious self-deprecating humor, intuitive sense of timing, and astounding acting skills infuse the main character with a depth not otherwise seen in films based on comic books.

In fact, the only other actor with the skills to effectively pull that off was Christian Slater in the later-day Batman movies. However, unlike those (and several other deliriously boring superhero flicks), Favreau and Downey remember the underlying issue about comic book movies — generally speaking, they're not meant to be ponderous and steeped in existential angst.

They're supposed to be fun!

In the case of Iron Man, the filmmakers understood the priority had to be fun, albeit tempered with some real world content and criticism; which makes for an entertaining, fun, and yet still ultimately realistic story.

The only, and weakest, link in Iron Man was the casting of Gweneth Paltrow as Downey's assistant/love interest. I won't argue the point — she may have been a great actress at one time, but in this role she faltered … HUGELY. In fact, every time she appeared on film, I guarantee you that the minds behind Iron Man were squirming in the seats at the ridiculousness of her shallow acting — hoping, as I did, that Downey's skills were sufficient to carry the load.

Lucky for them they are. Truly, if ever there was a poster boy for everything that can be accomplished despite the ravages of drug addiction, Robert Downey Jr. is the guy. Go check out the movie, and check out how a modern-day superhero is SUPPOSED to look.

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I'm back in Bangkok. God, it feels so good just to write that out.

Admittedly, it's not like I've got all that much to do in the first place, but I've accomplished so much in just the past several days that I just really enjoy being back. I'm in Bangkok … and I'm loving it.

• I've resolved all the online banking and money issues with which I was dealing while surfing in the bowels of Southern Sumatra.
• I've spoken and/or emailed with most everyone I had neglected during the past month (most importantly, the parentals).
• I've FINALLY purchased new clothes needed to replace most of those I originally brought with me from the States that were either lost, destroyed, or no longer fit — I've lost about 10 more pounds since I left, and all of my clothes are about 2,000 sizes too big (my waist size has dropped from 36 to 30 inches).
• I've gorged myself on the seemingly endless supply of great diverse food to be found here in Bangkok — Mexican, American, Italian, Thai — as long as it does NOT include rice in any shape or form (I ate nothing but rice in Indo, and I need a few weeks break).
• I've stocked up with a nice selection of pirated DVD's of all the latest movies (by the way, the new 'Iron Man' movie fucking ROCKS!!)
• And, most importantly, I've been to the local massage parlor (not THAT kind, you freaks) about 200 times during the past week. My muscles are fully recovered from the one month of almost nonstop surfing, and my back has been cracked up more times than Chris Rock in 'New Jack City.'

Now, all I have left to do is get the electricity turned back on in the apartment (the local electric company turns it off only 2-3 days after the bill is overdue). It's been several days now, because I just today (Saturday) figured out how and where to pay the bill, which is written entirely in Thai.

It's a small price to pay, tho. I've got an extra battery for my laptop, and the local coffee shop has free wireless AND air conditioning. Nice.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an appointment, and the girls at 'Mama Sans' hate to be kept waiting.

* The title of this post, for the unaffiliated (i.e., anyone OTHER than that musical idiot-savant, TK) is taken from a Sufjan Stevens song.

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Taking advantage of my brief sojourn into the lands of shopping malls and air conditioned movie theatres, I opted to go to Plaza Singapura the other day to see Robert Redford's latest movie, Lions For Lambs.

I'll leave the more sublime dissection of this glorified ABC After School Special to the professionals.

However, having seen the movie in a 'non-domestic' setting (i.e., outside the U.S.), there are several things about the movie I picked up on that I may not have had I seen it back in the States. I do at least want to mention them.

Of the movie itself, I will say this — despite addressing one of the most polarizing issues in the last 25 years (America's psychopathic, and seemingly unending, rampage throughout East Asia), and boasting the talents of some of Hollywood's best actors — this has got to be one of the most BORING movies I've seen since The English Patient (which means something, considering I too was one of the several hapless victims of 'The Horse Whisperer').

The point I realized there was a problem is when I found myself trying to learn to read Chinese by matching up the sub-titles (standard for all international films shown in Singapore) with the dialogue on the screen. (That didn't go so well, by the way. Unlike Wayne Campbell, I'm having no luck learning Mandarin.)

It really is unfortunate, because the film - at scattered, albeit brief, moments along the way - says everything either that I've said or heard others say in the past 5 years about the Bush Administration, the Mainstream Media, the War in Iraq, and the 'War on Terror' (oh, and how's that 'War on Drugs going, by the way?).

Unfortunately, most of these insightful flashes (positive or negative, depending on your view) are either obfuscated by horrible duologue, marred by formulaic acting, and reduced to parody by script recitation — all of which were seemingly retrieved via a daring rescue of the scraps from the cutting room floor of Star Wars III.

Shit, I never thought I'd say this, but Mannequin Skywalker gave a more nuanced performance than did Meryl Streep in this film.

More disquieting is that the movie is, quite simply, a means by which the studio seemingly berates today's political, media, and social machinery that treats the general public as a bunch of sophomoric high-school students — while at the same time, by and through the preachy, long-winded, convoluted, self-righteous, boring-ass tone of the movie, treats them just as poorly.

Simply put, Lions For Lambs, in my opinion, ironically (unintentionally, in all likelihood) does the same thing of which it complains — talking down to its audience, the general public.

I mean, really … where the fuck does Robert Redford get off telling us about the political, military, and socio-economic ramifications of what's taken place over the past 5 years. And where was he 5 years ago anyway, when it mattered? Making some fucking horse movie?

C'mon, get a grip.

I saw it on the faces of the Singaporean folks as we walked out of the film. They were chuckling to each other, as if to say: 'It's about fucking time. But it's not like you're telling us something the entire world doesn't already know. Really, cuz if you think it's such big news, at least make it more entertaining.'

I agree. As such, I would ask that the next time Robert Redford makes a movie, remind me to bring along an 'English to Chinese' dictionary — at least then I'll have something to keep me occupied.

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I've not really voiced this publicly before, but one of the many, many reasons I decided to leave the United States in favor of traveling abroad in various less-developed, and less oil-dependent, countries is an underlying fear — call it a gut feeling — that all the pleasantries we've come to know and love in the Western World will disappear in less time than we are currently aware, or are prepared to accept.

Among the factors leading to this "gut feeling" is not only the unbelievable selfishness and arrogance of the general U.S. population, but also the socio-economic, religious, geopolitical and environmental issues that now dominate our world.

Now add to these problems the underlying element of "Peak Oil" — which will be manifesting itself soon, if it hasn't already (ASPO predicts that oil production will peak this year) — and you've got the recipe for an utter societal breakdown.

Due initially to my prior profession as an international and maritime attorney, I've been aware of this issue for several years now. However, for the variety of reasons you might expect (or at least theorize), the issue has not really made a dent into the general public consciousness.

That may be changing with the release of the environmental documentary, "A Crude Awakening." This film is fundamentally about how our entire civilization has been built on cheap oil, and how the world has been so thoroughly explored that many experts now beleive there is no new oil out there — none (much like the U.S. itself reached its own "oil peak" in the early 1970's and has gradually come to depend more and more on foreign resources).

The result of this ever-diminishing supply of oil will have effects that, to the modern industrialized world, will make global warming itself seem like a walk in the park.

As aptly described by one commentator, if "An Inconvenient Truth" could be considered "The Wizard of Oz" of environmental documentaries, then "A Crude Awakening" must be considered the "Rosemary’s Baby" of that same genre.

I personally think the movie, and this issue, still won't have a significant or lasting effect on the public consciousness, as there already seems to be a bit of "environmental protection" fatigue after the huge success of Al Gore and "An Inconvenient Truth." Indeed, less than a year after Gore won an Oscar Award for that documentary, the Live Earth concerts were generally recognized worldwide as a failure, and SUV sales in the United States have already resurged.

Regardless, commercial success or failure will not take away from the fact that the oil will soon be gone. And with that, there will be ramifications to the global economy and socio-economic-political structure unseen before in the modern world. And not to sound too much like a fear-mongering apocalyptic survivalist (because God knows I'm not — I mean, really, I'm a lawyer with an internet blog for Christ's sake), but when the gas and electricity prices spike, commodity prices soar, and things start to look a little bit like 'Mad Max," I want to at least have options.

And if I'm starting to sound just a bit too psycho for you right about now, take a look a this trailer for the movie, go read up more about "Peak Oil", and read some of the history (as well as the book, Dark Age Ahead by acclaimed urban-economist, Jane Jacobs). Then, if you still think I'm a bit meshugganah … that's okay, I get that from most women.

A Crude Awakening

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After resting and taking a few laps in the pool on Monday, I woke up today by visiting some of my regular online sources for news and entertainment — at which time, I was treated to even more good news.

First and foremost, I saw that finally, FINALLY, saner heads are prevailing down at Gitmo, where on Monday, military judges dismissed charges Monday against 2 Guantanamo detainees. In particular, the courts ruled that, in direct contradiction to the ever illogical position of the Bush Administration, the detainees are "not subject to this commission" under legislation passed by Congress and signed by Bush last year. Thank fucking god. Maybe this signals the first of many steps for the U.S. government to regain whats left of its dignity.

Second, I saw that there is indeed still hope that the upcoming Transformers live action movie may indeed be worth seeing (shit, I knew there was a reason I put them at the top of my MySpace friends list). If the rest of the movie has effects like this stuff, I may even be able to cleanse my mind of the crappy-CGI cryfest that was Spiderman 3.

And finally, there seems to be hope — finally — that we can all live longer, healthier lives with this great new "skin" tightening product (if the advert itself doesn't completely offend you).

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From the twisted mind of Seth Rogan, the man behind to 40 Year Old Virgin, comes this new movie Superbad.

What the plot of the movie? I've watched the trailer about 5 times now and I still have no freaking clue.

But what I do know is that if the film is as funny as the trailer — I may have a new favorite movie (just edging out Super Troopers).

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While sitting here waiting for the hallucinations from the typhoid fever and malaria immunization shots to kick in, I was perusing VH1's Best Week Ever, which itself was referencing the latest article from Premiere Magazine entitled "The 100 Greatest Movie Lines."

The Premiere article purportedly describes … well, the best movie of all time (to which Adam Winer has added his own jocular commentary).

While all the quotes set forth in both the respective articles are fine enough, given my affinity for the more "colorful" aspects of the English language, I thought it appropriate to list the best of those movie quotes as I think they were originally intended (prior to interference by the now-deceased "Satan's Cocksucker"), in no particular order:

• "Fuck you! I'll be back." — The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) in The Terminator (1984)
• "Life is a banquet, and most poor cocksuckers are starving to death." — Mame (Rosalind Russell) in Auntie Mame (1958)
• "I see motherfucking dead people." — Cole Sear (Haley Joel Osment) in The Sixth Sense (1999)
• “I gave her my heart, and that bitch gave me a fucking pen.” — Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) in Say Anything (1989)
• "You fucking assholes! You're tearing me apart!" — Jim Stark (James Dean) in Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
• "You're gonna need a bigger fucking boat, you asshole." — Brody (Roy Scheider) in Jaws (1975)
• "Come back, Shane! You owe us child support, you cheap motherfucker!" — Joey Starrett (Brandon De Wilde) in Shane (1953)
• "Bond. James Fucking Bond." — Sean Connery in Dr. No (1962)
• "Of all the motherfucking gin joints in all the god-damn towns in all the fucking world, she walks into mine." — Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) in Casablanca (1942)
• "Pay no attention to that asshole behind the curtain." — The Wizard of Oz (Frank Morgan) in The Wizard of Oz (1939)
• "I'm the king of the motha' fucking world!" — Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio) in Titanic (1997)
• "Here's looking at you, you cheating whore." — Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) in Casablanca (1942)
• "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit." — Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) in Gone With the Wind (1939)

Yes, I know - this post is prime material to add to my writing portfolio, right next my legal CV and that picture I have of Rachael Ray and a goat (c'mon, how the hell did you think she got that cooking gig?).

If I've missed any good ones, your additions and suggestions are welcome.

(Via Best Week Ever … sorta)

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I'm doing the rounds again after a long absence, and I found yet another Star Wars CGI parody. This one's actually kinda clever, though (and it doesn't appear that they're trying to make money off of it, unlike countless others):

As aptly noted by Adam over at Best Week Ever, the best part of this video is that the guy who gets choked looks a lot like Dane Cook.

The power to strangle Dane Cook from afar? Ahh, if only it were that easy.

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Alrighty, continuing our foray into the bowels of the musical underworld, we bring you this charming little ditty from the Greenskeepers. It's a fantastic homage to "Silence of The Lambs," and while it's not necessarily the most disturbing video you'll find on the internet, it's pretty close. And it's a damn catchy tune, to bat (no pun intended).

The Greenskeepers - It Rubs The Lotion On It's Skin

P.S. Put the fucking lotion in the basket!!!

UPDATE: As per Blue Eyed Cat, the apostrophe has been removed from the title of this post. Thanks for the grammar lesson, kitten, because apparently I didn't get enough of that in 3 years of law school.

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Truth or Fiction? At This Point, It's Really Just Too Close To Call.

Featured News of The Apocalypse:

More News of The Apocalypse:

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Although the term is sometimes used incorrectly to refer to the whole of Indian cinema, Bollywood (Hindi: बॉलीवुड, Urdu: بالیوڈ) is the informal name given to the popular Mumbai-based Hindi language film industry in India. Bollywood and the other Indian film studios are the largest in the world in terms of number of films produced and number of tickets sold. For anyone interested in a further description of the industry, I'd refer you to Wikipedia.

Needless to say, while Bollywood is often mocked by the western entertainment industry, India has a plethora of extremely talented artists.

Indeed, last week, I posted an amazing clip from my "future wife", Indian sitarist Anoushka Shankar. Now, here's another musical piece that has also luckily garnered attention outside the Indian film industry - "Chaiyya Chaiyya" (Hindi: छैया छैया, Urdu: چیّا چیّا), from the Hindi film "Dil Se."

The song is sung in Urdu by Sukhwinder Singh and Sapna Awasthi. The "Bollywood Joint" version also features a trumpet accompaniment and a hip-hop-inflected remix featuring Punjabi MC. Seriously, this is just further proof that the West's self-assumed musical dominance is nothing more than a chimera.

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Mel Gibson was right!! I knew it! I just fucking knew it!!

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I feel like complete and utter crap. I would never have even posted anything but for the fact that I'm getting dangerously close to sinking forever into my couch, which is where I've spent the last — no joke — 20 hours (when not otherwise in the bathroom vomiting).

Not that it matters to anyone, but I'm also listing the movies I've watched/slept through during those 20 hours (just so I'll know for future reference, because I doubt/hope I won't remember anything from today):

Patton;

Fight Club;

Snatch;

Constantine;

Serenity (twice);

The Hulk;

Big Trouble In Little China;

Romancing the Stone (don't ask);

Tron; and

The Boondock Saints.

Yeah, I'm guessing this is payback for gloating about the nice weather we've been having down here. Blah.

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As I've mentioned ad nauseam, last night was the screening of Sipping Jetstreams, which was presented as part of a Charity Event by the local South Florida Chapter of the Surfrider Foundation.

Not only was it a really nice night which raised some desperately needed money for the guys over at Surfrider, I won a $25.00 gift certificate donated by South Beach Divers, the only full service dive shop located on Miami Beach. Sweet.

Anyway, I had not seen the movie before, and I was absolutely blown away. It's not a long film, which is actually a good thing for surf flicks (other than "Riding Giants", of course) since many tend to get boring with the same guys pulling the same moves over and over for 2 hours. However, this film (and accompanying book) by Taylor Steele and Dustin Humphrey is anything but the norm.

From the markets and souks of Marrakech in Morocco to the blues of the Atlantic in Barbados, from Japan to Cuba, Italy, Hong Kong, and Egypt, Sipping Jetstreams is a photographic journey of discovery and adventure. This two-year odyssey focuses not just on the surfing but the places and the faces of each destination.

Here's the teaser trailer for the film.

Sipping Jetstreams

Yes, they got great footage of some beautiful people whom otherwise would never would have gained international exposure, and some incredible footage from places not generally considered to be surfing hot-spots. Moreover, it's got a much more diverse soundtrack than most other surfing movies out there, including songs from Massive Attack, Years Around the Sun, and the Buena Vista Social Club.

This leads me to my second video in this post - the inevitable music video clip. I'm not letting this devolve into a discussion about Cuba. Needless to say it's a "big ticket item" down here in Miami. I try not to get involved since it has very little to do with me. However, one of the inadvertent benefits of the Cuban influence down here is that I dated a Cubana girlfriend who introduced me to the "Buena Vista Social Club" several years ago.

If you've never heard their sound, I've been told it's uniquely Cuban. And it is a bit unlike anything else I've heard, from other Latin countries or elsewhere. The sound is amazing (wait for the trumpet), and the video is beautiful and touching. Take a listen.

Buena Vista Social Club - Chan Chan

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