A Bowl of Stupid

Yeah, … like jail.

Paris Hilton Sentenced To 45 Days In Jail

LOS ANGELES - A judge sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail Friday for violating her probation, putting the brakes on the hotel heiress' famous high life.

Hilton, who parlayed her name and relentless partying into worldwide notoriety, must go to jail on June 5 and she will not be allowed any work release, no furloughs, no use of an alternative jail and no electronic monitoring in lieu of jail.

The heiress arrived at court 10 minutes late in the back of a black Cadillac Escalade and swept into the Metropolitan Courthouse with several men in suits, ignoring screams of photographers lining the route into a rear entrance.

Hilton, 26, pleaded no contest in January to reckless driving stemming from a Sept. 7 arrest in Hollywood. She had a blood-alcohol level of .08 percent in violation of California law. She was sentenced to 36 months probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines.

Two other traffic stops and failure to enroll in a mandated alcohol education program landed the socialite back in court.

Then, on Jan. 15, Hilton was pulled over by California Highway Patrol. Officers informed her that she was driving on a suspended license and she signed a document acknowledging that she was not to drive, according to papers filed in Superior Court.

Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies stopped Hilton on Feb. 27 and charged her with violating her probation. Police said she was pulled over at about 11 p.m. after authorities saw the car speeding with its headlights off. (Via Yahoo News)

I'm guessing this isn't quite what Hilton had in mind with its new advertising slogan. … but it's funny as hell.

And by the way, forget what I said about how silly it is to believe in god — now I believe, brothers and sisters. Amen.

Share This

A recent news story reported, predictably, by FOX News once again proves that, despite how many people killed, how much cocaine ingested, or how many credit cards stolen, one's "fanaticism" "integrity" can be purchased - and it's only a Bible away:

I'm a God-Fearing Man … and I Can Prove It

CINCINNATI (AP) — A man arrested on Wednesday for allegedly trying to use a stolen credit card at a drugstore got a break from a judge after passing a sort of Bible quiz.

When Eric Hine appeared in court this morning, his attorney described him as a church-goer, hoping the judge would set a low bond.

Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge John Burlew was skeptical and asked Hine to recite the 23rd Psalm.

He did: all six verses. Some in the courtroom applauded.

Burlew was satisfied and released Hine on a $10,000.00 appearance bond, meaning he'll have to pay that amount if he doesn't show up for his next court date.

What the hell? A recitation of the 23rd Psalm earned this guy a "get out of jail free" card?

As a (former) lawyer, maybe this abomination strikes a deeper nerve with me than it would with most, but I get absolutely furious whenever I read about something of this nature taking place in our purportedly "civilized" courtrooms, allegedly a bastion of justice in an otherwise unjust world.

Unfortunately, this type of religious pandering goes on in courts of law throughout the country far, far, FAR more frequently than most people are aware, and can rationally be justified in a society as advanced as ours purports to be.

Quite frankly, I'm too disgusted to come up with my normal smarmy comments. All I can say is that this is a perfect example of how the rule of law (and basic logic) continues to be perverted by simple-minded knuckle-dragger's bowing to ancient myths and legends that should have been discarded centuries ago.

Indeed, such religious faiths were handed down over the centuries for no other purpose than to keep the faithful "in check" - stemming from a period in history when most of the world couldn't even read or write. (Err, strike that last comment … I should check out literacy rates in Ohio before making any rash remarks about any "prior" literacy competence.)

Okay, let's play a game. Let's see if anyone can guess with any accuracy what would have happened had the guy gone in and recited from some Wicken ritual, or even better — recited a passage from the Qu'ran.

Would that guy still have been granted bail? My ass! My best guess is that those superstitious mouth-breathers would have instead called Homeland Security, and the Defendant would have been on the next flight to Gitmo, with electrodes hooked up and for the ready.

Even more appalling, there were persons in the courtroom audience applauding?

Not to disregard the whole "guilty until proven innocent" thing, but let's not forget, this guy was being held (and arraigned) for trying to use a stolen credit card.

In civilized parts of the world, one would think those allegations would take precedent over the defendant's knowledge of poetry taken from an ancient novel filled with thousands of errors, contradictions, injustices, absurdities, and outright lies.

Personally, I'd have shown the defendant more consideration had he quoted from Plato's Republic.

Moreover, the only reason this story ever made the newswire was because the defendant quoted from the bible chapter and verse, people in the audience cheered, and the judge declared that an indicator of the defendant's "integrity."

My continuing issue, however, is the weight the general population still puts on religion as an indicator of "values" and "common sense" and "wisdom" (when clearly it's the exact opposite), rather than looking towards … oh, let's see, whether that persons acts and/or treats people wisdom, respect and reflecting a sense of moral values.

Fucking monkeys (and yes, the puns and historical references were very much intended).

Finally, in a related story, FOX News announced the unveiling of their new slogan: "God created G.W. Bush to train the faithful. One cannot go against the word of God."

(Hat tip to Shark, via the Kang Phorum, for pointing out this nonsense)

Share This

Number four (4) in our continuing series of Public Service Announcements is fairly self-explanatory.

On a personal note, I hope to god the guy standing at the next urinal from me at the Paul Okenfeld concert I attended in Miami last night watches and learns — considering his seemingly eternal fascination with the operation of the button-fly on my jeans.

And on the off chance he is reading, I've got just a word of advise in addition to the below PSA — "Dude, I'm flattered, but I don't go that way (not that there's anything wrong with that). Moreover, the next time, your conduct in this regard will likely garner you a black eye and an unwelcome visit with Santa."

On another note, while I do feel horrible about the fact this PSA is not gender-neutral considering it is Women's History Month (sorry Vanessa), it is an issue that must be addressed. So here is today's announcement — learn it, live it, love it.

Male Restroom Etiquette

Share This

Given my easy access to such an open public forum, I thought I would be remiss to not at least make mention of this.

Eddie McIntyre, the best friend of a very good friend, just took his life the other night. The obituary was just posted today here in the Miami Herald.

In talking with my friend while trying to help her through it, I was telling her that I personally am having a hard time wrapping my head around the situation. First off, although I didn't know him all that well, to the extent I did, I knew that Eddie was just an all-around good guy who deserved better. Secondly, she and Eddie have been friends for many many years and I shudder to think of what it's doing to her.

However, the main issue I'm having trouble with is understanding how, despite the fact that Eddie was very successful, had an abundance of friends, and was very active in the community, his chronic depression finally got the best of him. Specifically, it's difficult for people like myself, who don't suffer from clinical depression, to understand what it must be like. And this, unfortunately, just highlights the issue. Like most everyone else, I have times when I feel down. But I just can't seem to grasp how death could be the only solution for someone who apparently has everything else going on for him or her.

My apologies, this should not be, nor did I intend to make this, about me.

I'm glad I got to meet Eddie, and I send out my deepest sympathies to my friend, as well as Eddie's other family and friends. He was a really good guy, and he will be missed.

Share This

Miss Kitten recently wrote a post listing the many strange and obscure laws apparently still floating around here in the United States. Although most have fallen into obscurity and are not enforced anymore, there are some interesting one's still out there.

She has a complete list of those laws printed up on her website here, in alphabetical order by state. Some of them are merely strange but others are downright disturbing - including the section of Miami Municipal Code which makes it illegal for a man to wear of any kind of strapless gown in public.

How odd, right?

Mental note: Call Macy’s customer service and see if refund still available for “slightly used” Nicole Miller Strapless Silk Evening Gown.

Share This

Time for my weekly rant. This one, unfortunately, will be turned inward a bit. Thankfully, however, it will be somewhat shorter than the norm.

It has recently come to my attention that lately I've been acting like a bigger asshole than usual. And the only thing I can attribute this to is the fact that, due to my latest quarter-life career crisis, I still have no fucking clue as to what direction I want my life to go.

As I have discussed previously in this blog ad nauseum, I was never truly into the whole practice of law. I went to law school as a quick and easy means of obtaining mainstream respectability. I then went to typical route of the law firm lifestyle (that is to say, no lifestyle at all). I then, as I understand do many others, eventually got burned out with that lifestyle on a fairly consistent basis - somewhere around every 2-3 years or so.

I have become very good at what I do - practicing law, that is. Notwithstanding, after each of these "burnouts," I made several attempts to remove myself from a career practicing law. The latest of which occurred last June, at a time when my old firm was undergoing what I understood to be some ugly internal "changes" which eventually resulted in one of the firm's offices splitting off onto their own. The whole episode left a bad taste in my mouth.

As a result, I have spent the last seven (7) months attempting to find something, anything, to do other than practice law - yet again. This time, however, I've thankfully acquired the means to support myself for some time without the benefit of a regular paycheck. A great benefit, to be sure.

Unfortunately, my efforts in this regard have once again been met head-on with such poor luck and timing as to rival the crew of the S.S. Minnow. I'll not bore you with the various obstacles with which I have been faced; but needless to say, things did not go as planned.

So here I am. Once again in the unenviable position of trying to determine what to do with my life - other than remaining fat, drunk and stupid (well, stupid, at least).

Should I look for work as an in-house attorney, as I have been doing, in the hopes of melding my substantial legal prowess with my overwhelming desire to build an organization from the inside? Should I resign myself to the traditional practice of law? Should I sell my place and take the monies I would receive to travel the world's best surf spots for a year? Or should I sit in my house and continue to draft up a novel that, most likely, will never see the light of day?

Don't get me wrong, I'm under no illusions that my problems are in any way unique or, for that matter, substantial. I'm not hurting for cash, I have some really great friends, a family who loves me, and a great career to fall back on.

I know, I know … have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

However, the unfortunate side of my current "dilemma" is that it is making even more bitter and surly than normal. No matter how I try, I find myself passing judgment on peoples who are undeserving of such wholesale contempt (well, not entirely undeserving). It's not that I'm unhappy or depressed in the typical sense, because I'm not - not by a long-shot. It's just that my frustration is starting to get the best of me.

It is for this reason that I extend an apology to those who have unnecessarily borne the brunt of my frustrations. I just hope I figure some of these things out before I insult the wrong people (mental note: no making fun of people with guns).

Share This

In going back through some of the music videos I’ve posted on this site I found that many have been removed due to alleged copyright infringement issues. Turns out that Viacom has demanded that YouTube remove more than 100,000 videos.

I'm just wondering how long YouTube will remain viable if it continues enforcing copyright provisions in such a ridiculous manner. As aptly noted over at The Learning Curve, pretty soon the only thing left on YouTube will be infomercials, movie trailers, and home videos of kids singing karaoke.

Everyone who still thinks it’s was good idea to buy YouTube please step forward. … err, not so fast there, Google.

Oh well, nature abhors a vacuum.

Share This

By now, you've probably heard about the now-infamous Boston ATHF ad campaign, which placed battery-operated light boards around the City of Boston aimed at promoting the late-night Adult Swim cartoon "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." The idea was on par with techniques that my marketing-guru friend, Mark Rapp, has come up with in some of his campaigns.

The two guys who developed this outstanding viral ad campaign were promptly arrested and arraigned by the humorless Boston authorities for allegedly engaging in "terrorist-like" disorderly conduct. Instead of advising his counsel to simply issue the standard no comment, their attorney apparently advised them that it would be okay to take questions about anything but the pending legal case.

The result is this hilarious display of the suspects talking about hairstyles from the 1970's. I view this as a masterstroke since it's protecting them legally (mostly) against discussing the fairly minor charges brought against them, while also dealing with true underlying issue of restitution (i.e., if they get more publicity, they may be better prepared to pay/increase their profit margin after paying the huge fines the City of Boston has said it will assess for their "over-responsiveness"). It's also a nice little "fuck you" to the Bostonian tight-asses themselves, who got their panties all up in a bunch over a few fucking LITE-BRITE machines.

P.S. Don't worry, this will probably be the only time I will ever, EVER, EV-ER, post anything from FoxNews except for when their studios spontaneously implode, smitten by the hand of their own non-existent god.

P.P.S. Actually, I may have to change the title of this post. Did you get a look at their attorney in this clip? He may be letting them do the press conference, but he don't look too happy 'bout it.

Share This

Last weekend, a gent by the name of Darren Barefoot launched a website entitled Get a First Life. Much of the content, like another of my favorite websites, is sublime comic genius.

In it, Barefoot declares:

America's teens, your First Life dream world awaits. Hang out at the mall! Embarrass yourself in gym class! Get acne! Experiment with mind-altering recreational drugs! The First Life world is your oyster.

Got First Life Questions? We've Got Answers!

– Are five senses enough?

– What's this body thing, and what do I do with the dangly bits?

– Why can't I build a dirigible with my mind?

Personally, I think that is the best use of the term "dangly bits" to have ever appeared online. And dirigibles?? Brilliantly random.

"Get a First Life" essentially ridicules the many persons (like myself of late, ironically) who waste away their lives in the virtual world of the internet, rather than the real world existing still outside their dank cave-like apartments. In so doing, it relies heavily upon, and parodies, Second Life, an extremely popular "3-D virtual world entirely built and owned by its residents[, and] inhabited by a total of 2,867,113 people from around the globe."

Linden Labs, the creators of Second Life, could have easily served Barefoot with the ever-popular "cease-and-desist letter" that we all know and love. Indeed, apparently expecting such a draconian response, Barefoot (I refuse to beleive that's his real name) even set up a link specifically to handle any incoming C&D letters. However, Ginsu Yoon, the general counsel for Linden Labs responded with a letter so clever, in and of itself, that it would horrify the overreaching copyright and trademark holders whose missives litter the archives of ChillingEffects.org.

Instead of sending a cease-and-desist letter, Yoon sent a "proceed-and-permit" letter — another work of sublime genius.

First, Yoon addresses the assumption that Linden Labs would act like many of its contemporaries by sending Barefoot an ill-advised cease-and-desist letter, writing:

Linden Lab objects to any implication that it would employ lawyers incapable of distinguishing such obvious parody. Indeed, any competent attorney is well aware that the outcome of sending a cease-and-desist letter regarding a parody is only to draw more attention to such parody, and to invite public scorn and ridicule of the humor-impaired legal counsel. Linden Lab is well-known for having strict hiring standards, including a requirement for having a sense of humor, from which our lawyers receive no exception.

In conclusion, your invitation to submit a cease-and-desist letter is hereby rejected.

I love it! Although he could have written to Barefoot simply acknowledging the various IP issues at stake, Yoon uses standard legal jargon to counter-parody Barefoot's humor.

This letter is exactly how companies should respond when faced with obviously allowed uses of their intellectual property rights. Linden Labs doesn't waste time with any non-issues; instead, it expressly acknowledges that the "First Life" site is a parody site and, therefore, most likely a “fair use” of its copyrighted materials under applicable terms of the Copyright Act and/or the Lanham Act.

What is also refreshing is how Yoon also expressly acknowledges something that many lawyers advocating their client's position do not — that "determining whether or not a particular use constitutes fair use … is often highly complex and frustratingly indeterminate[.]" Indeed, the only winners in most of these situations are the outside counsel billing hundreds of dollars an hour while pushing their clients to pursue questionable claims.

Finally, Yoon also grants an express limited use license on behalf of Linden Labs allowing Barefoot to use the Second Life trademarked "modified eye-in-hand logo" — in my opinion, an absolute masterstroke. The goodwill accomplished by allowing such limited use far outweighs any potential damage. From a corporate point of view, you've just obtained free advertising. And now you can regulate it.

God, how I wish I could have ever, EVER had a client with sufficient business acumen and good sense to understand that more good would be accomplished by allowing, and even sanctioning, such actions than would ever be accomplished by attempting to strong arm the alleged perpetrator into submission.

(Nod to the Electronic Frontier Foundation and High Priestess Kang)

UPDATE: After thinking about this for a few minutes, and after re-reading the last paragraph in this post, I actually submitted a resume to Linden Labs to work with Yoon. I doubt I'll hear back from them, but damn it would be nice to work with sensible people again.

Share This

I'm now spending a majority of my time looking for a full-time job again. After spending the last 7 months attempting to feed myself by some means other than charging an outrageous hourly fee to fight other persons battles for them, it seems I have no choice but to reinsert myself into the Matrix. I mentioned this "dilemma" to a former colleague today and her response echoed those of many other friends whom have already sold their souls in order to put a roof over their head and food in their mouths - "Aww, poor baby."

It's not quite the same response I received before I started this expedition. Indeed, initially many friends and colleagues were very encouraging. I heard everything from "good for you, I wish I had the cajones to pull away from this life (of being a lawyer)," to "good call, do it now while you're relatively young and unattached."

Given the change in tone, I'm starting to beleive that, in their minds, the fact that I've not been able to accomplish what I intended in the time alloted is sufficient justification for them to have engaged - and to continue to engage - in an otherwise unfulfilling career. Or I could just be delusional from eating nothing but Ramon Noodle Soup for the past 2 months straight. Yummy.

UPDATE: Thanks for your comments guys. As HPK and Tisha essentially said: There are no bad decisions in life. Just decisions. You do the best you can with the data you have at the time. Then you look forward with the lessons learned.

Yeah, that's kind of how I'm viewing it. I have no regrets. And now I have a better focus. It's hard to imagine if you've never been there, but the practice of law really is insulated from the "real world."

Lawyers live in their own little megalomaniacal worlds and they look down on everyone who isn't "smart enough" to have become a lawyer. I had thought it was bullshit, but now I know for sure. In only 7 months, I've met so many insightful and intelligent people, and I've learned so much about how things function in the "real world" that I'm absolutely stunned I ever thought as many other lawyers do.

Again, much thanks.

Share This

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

-Margaret Mead

I'm plagiarizing from the Miami-Dade County Surf Forecast website, but it seemed appropriate given that: (1) there was surf this week in the ol' MIA, and (2) the Florida Office of Citizens Services has responded to the inquiry and letter campaign of the South Florida Chapter of the Surfrider Foundation (see my earlier post, "Haulover Inlet Beach Accessway", about how a local developer and the Village of Bal Harbour have conspired to appropriate public parking and access to the local beach).

In response, the Florida Department of Environmental Protection sent out the following e-mail:

Governor Charlie Crist received your e-mail and asked me to respond about closing the public access and parking area at the Village of Bal Harbour.

The Florida Department of Transportation owns the public access and parking area and leases it to the Village of Bal Harbour. In 1999, the Department of Environmental Protection provided funding to Miami-Dade County for the Bal Harbour Shore Protection Project. The amount of funding was based on public access and 65 parking spaces located under the Haulover Inlet Bridge. The funding contract with Miami-Dade County for the Bal Harbour Shore Protection Project has expired.

The Department of Environmental Protection will visit the site in the next 30 days to assess the condition of public access and parking. If our site visit confirms there is no longer a public parking area or public access, the Department of Environmental Protection will notify Miami-Dade County that it is unable to provide similar funding for shore protection projects in this area unless parking and public access is restored.

The Florida Department of Transportation, as the owner of the property, is also conducting a separate review of the location under its authorities. Thank you for your interest in Florida's beaches.

Sincerely,
John R. Peterson, Director
Office of Citizen Services
Florida Department of Environmental Protection

It's typical non-committal legalize, like the stuff I would write if I were in their position. However, given that the evidence supports our claims, it seems likely that the FDEP will enforce the relevant access provisions, and we will have our surf break back. Niiiiice.

I'm heading back out into the water this afternoon to celebrate.

Share This

These guys.

The site is PeekVid.com. It's your basic online video site, with TV shows, cartoons, anime, movies … your basic "still in theaters but you can see them here for free" kind of movies.

I'm guessing the cease and desist letters are being drawn up as we speak. (nod to yesbutnobutyes)

Share This

Entangled on the huge morass of the annual "year-end reviews" is this snippet from Tony Hung at The Blog Herald, discussing the phenomena of online video that has occurred over the past year. He notes that:

While privacy advocates complain that making everyone a video publisher is a quick ticket to privacy disasters, I think the flip side is that it creates a sense of accountability on behalf of people who need it the most — politicians. And they need to be aware that you can’t change the nature of this ‘reality’ any more either. More than blog postings, viral video has the potential to circle the world many times over, and its just in its infancy.

However, the phenomena does not live in a vacuum. And what sounds good in theory does not always present itself in the real world. Just look at what has occurred with respect to YouTube's own internal policies since being purchased earlier this year. Not everyone is Craig Newmark, including me.

As an attorney, one of the biggest issues I see with this type of public hosting of proprietary media is the one the RIAA has been facing for years - the unauthorized use and/or copying of content that has been made public (in this case, on YouTube and others) under a proprietary license. In other words, the price for posting your videos for the world to see is that you essentially lose your rights to capitalize on that video, if possible (unless you chose to remove it). It's a double-edged sword.

It will be interesting to see if the full force of the "digital rights management" measures, such as those the recording industry has pushed for, will eventually make their way into the arena of "user-generated" media as well. For now, most users seem content to simply get their voice heard, but how long will that last when those same users attempt to make money off of their content?

Don't get me wrong, I think there can be, and NEEDS needs to be, a happy balance struck between getting paid for practicing your craft while allowing your fans the ability to enjoy same relatively unfettered. If not, we'll continue to be stuck in the shallow end of the "arts" gene pool - with Britteny, Kevin and Jessica.

If anyone knows anything more about this issue, please let me know. I'm curious to see if anyone has already addressed the matter in further detail.

Share This

I’m going to start looking for a real job again.

I’d prefer to do something outside of the law (over the 10 years I practiced, I did all types of law – from real estate to corporate to litigation). However, lately I have been reminded that, despite my contempt with much of the practice of law, it may still be possible to get a legal job that may not turn my stomach and/or ruin me financially. Unfortunately, at this point, all I know is that I don't think I can continue as a strict "entrepreneur," nor do I want to go back to the traditional practice of law.

That being said, I’m starting to become a real advocate of the whole “blogging community” idea. As aptly noted by my new blog-acquaintance Cooqy: “Blogging in isolation is rather pointless.”

Indeed. The number of people I have met – in the past month alone – by way of blogs, either mine or theirs, has been awesome.

And they have been most gracious.

Upon rethinking my position on employment, I've had offers of guidance and/or assistance from several of these new acquaintances. For example, Stephanie Green over at The Dishalicious kindly suggested that I consider looking into positions with the ADL, EPA or ACLU, all of whom do great work. She also suggested attempting to integrate my desire to read/write/edit with my legal experience, perhaps as a literary agent or libel lawyer (getting to read books all day!)

These are all great ideas I probably would not have thought of on my own. And I’m looking for more. If anyone else has any ideas, I would be eternally grateful for any comments, suggestions, or connections (ahem) you may have in this regard.

But who knows, there's already been one Hunter S. Thomson, and the world needs its janitors too.

Share This

A rational basis for cooperation — and why social integration is critical to make it work. (via David Schraub)

Share This