A Bowl of Stupid

Okay, as noted in my last post, I’m traveling again through Southeast Asia. I’m doing so despite having an underlying feeling of apathy towards this whole expedition.

For the most part, I’ve stayed with my initial travel plan (I picked up a nasty head cold the day I left, which I had neglected to work into said plan) — I took off by overnight sleeper train from Bangkok to Ubon Ratchathani, where I caught a taxi (i.e., some guy with a car) from the train station to the bus station, where I caught a bus to the border town of Mukdahan.

I had been misinformed about how to get over the Thai-Laos border (e.g., the Mekong River) from Mukdahan, and I took a tuk-tuk from the bus station to the actual border bridge — where I found I had to pay to get back ON a bus (which I could have caught for the same price back at the bus station) to ride over the ‘Friendship Bridge II’ into Laos.

Once over the bridge, the bus promptly disappeared into town without waiting for me (apparently having served its purpose of taking me across the 200 meter-long bridge), leaving me to take yet another tuk-tuk the 8 km or so into the Laotian border town of Savannakhet.

I eventually wound up staying in Savannakhet for a couple days — first, because I felt like shit and needed to rest; and second, since I was TOLD the only bus leaving town for Vietnam would not be leaving until then. When I did wind up on that bus, it only took me as far as the Vietnamese shithole town of Dong Ha, where I had to pay almost as much as I did for the bus from Laos to go the next 67 KM down to Hue.

So here I am. In Hue, Vietnam — which is known for its infamously bad weather. It has not disappointed.

For the sake of brevity, for anyone ever interested in going this route (up to this point, of course), in addition to the above and the general stuff of doing a bit of research beforehand, I also have these following suggestions:

• Avoid the Savanbanhao Hotel in Savannakhet, Laos if you want to sleep — although recommended by several travel guides, it also owns a restaurant/nightclub RIGHT next door that’s open until 2-3 a.m., and I’m pretty sure it’s a front for a whorehouse.
• Avoid buying a bus ticket from Savannakhet to Hue from Saphon Travel (also recommended by some travel guides) — they don’t actually bring you to Hue, but only to some shithole of a town called Dong Ha, where they will tell you you need to stay in their hotel overnight until you can buy ANOTHER ticket on their next bus to Hue, which leaves the following morning (for essentially double the price you would have paid for a ticket directly to Hue from another company).
• Try to get rid of all your Laos Kip before you leave Laos — there’s little to no need for it once you get on the bus, you can get Dong from ATM’s in Dong Ha or Hue, and you will … repeat, WILL … get ripped off if you try to exchange it for Vietnamese Dong with those little gnome-ladies on the Laos-Vietnam border (one way or another: for another person, they fucked him on the rate; for me, they simply grabbed my cash and ran) — just like the James Gang, there’s a reason they all wear face-masks.
• Trust nobody here until you know them — despite being a ‘communist country’, many of the Vietnamese I’ve met to date are some of the most opportunistic and slyly deceitful people I’ve met. Whereas folks in other Asian countries I’ve visited and/or lived (especially the Buddhist and Hindu ones, where they believe in Karma) will always try to out-bargain you — even to the edge of theft — I’ve never had anything actually stolen from me until Vietnam (so far, I’ve had money and my camera stolen here in only 2 days).

All in all, Vietnam is a fascinating place. The people are esthetically gorgeous. The food, while not outstanding, is interesting and diverse. And the history is extensive. But I’d rather be back in Bangkok.

* Extra points for anyone who knows, or cares enough to cite the reference.

First off, Akismet has caught 119,277 spammer comments for me since I installed it on this site about a year ago. I’d like to thank all you spammer ass-munches for keeping the good people at Akismet in business … and educating me all about the wonderful world of Russian porn.

Second, I’m heading out to Vietnam today for a couple weeks. I’ll be making my way overland from Bangkok — first, by train through the eastern part of central Thailand to Ubon Ratchathani, then by bus to Mukdahan, where I can cross over into Savannakhet, Laos.

Then, I’ll then make my way across central-southern Laos to the Laos/Vietnam border at Lao Bao, Vietnam. From there, I plan on making my way to Khe Sanh, then over to Hue, and finishing up in Da Nang (from where I’ll probably fly back to Bangkok).

I should have internet access intermittently, and may be updating from the road about the trip. Hope everyone stays well.

I’m back home in Bangkok after a nice relaxing trip to Luang Prabang, Lao PDR. Just in time to celebrate my 30th birthday (ahem) in style — and queue the music …

‘One night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster The bars are temples but the pearls ain’t free You’ll find a god in every golden cloister …’

(Kuang Si Waterfall — about 26 K south of Luang Prabang, Laos)

Yesterday morning I woke up nursing a massive (MASSSSS-IVE) hangover acquired after drinking entirely too much Beerlao and lao-lao the day/night before. Ahh, good times.

So I figured the best way to deal with said hangover would be to take a 28 kilometer bemo ride to the famous Kouang Si waterfalls. I had heard they were awesome … and honestly, I was not disappointed. The waterfalls — actually a series of waterfalls topped off by a 120 meter(ish) high grand waterfall — was absolutely magnificent. And honestly, any pictures you see do not do it justice.

Plus, the water was a brisk 20-22 degrees (C) or so, which helped to cool the red-hot pokers that were surreptitiously placed behind my eyeballs whilst I slept the night before.

And while the waterfalls themselves were indeed spectacular (unlike the jarring, jostling, sphincter-clenching bus ride up to here Luang Prabang from Vang Vieng), I think I’ve reached a turning point on this particular trip. It’s happened to me before when I travel without the specific intent to go surfing — I get sick and tired of the type of people I run into (and hang out with) in the whole Southeast Asian tourist/backpacker scene.

Simply stated — it’s all been done before.

There reaches a stage when there is nothing more the majority of these people can say, do, or be that is of any interest to me. The majority of these people think they are the most outgoing, adventurous, and brave people in the world — simply because they have been staying in shithole guest-houses and hostels for a few months.

C’mon, get the fuck over yourselves, people!!

Yes, there is something to be said about doing what you’ve done and being to all the ‘backpacker’ haunts you’ve been to, but not THAT much.

So you’ve swung from a rope into a river … ooohh, here’s a cookie!

So you’ve gotten pissed drunk or stoned incontinent in the middle of the jungle somewhere … umm, okay.

Got over it. It’s NOT a big deal!!

Go surf triple overhead at G-land, go climb the Himalayas, go live in some cave or shithole village for a few months — THEN maybe I’ll have some respect for your boring-ass stories. But as it now stands, your shit stinks just like the rest of us.

This is what happens when my gills dry out. This whole backpacker scene can hold my interest for only so long, and I just want to go someplace to surf with people whose company, and stories, I actually enjoy.

I just wanna go back to where things make sense to me. I wanna go surfing again.

Bowling in Luang Prabang: Good.

Beer Lao: Good.

Lao-Lao (homemade) whiskey: Questionable.

Resulting Hangover: Bad.

Try to remember this the next time one of your buddies tells you to do something like that.

Yes, me being who I am, I was bound to get injured sooner or later. The good news is that it’s a minor injury — more aggravating than anything else. I’m still here in Vang Vieng, and I was planning on going tubing down the river today, as per suggestion of my buddy ‘Dee’. However, yesterday I went rock climbing and in returning down from the set climbing route, I slipped in some mud, my flip-flop came off, and I sliced open the bottom of my foot fairly deep on a rock.

Sigh.

Like I said, not a really big deal, except that there’s no way in HELL I’m going tubing down a muddy ol’ river today with an open wound like that. Plus, I don’t have any shoes, so it’s a real pain in the ass keeping it clean for the next couple days (at least) — especially now, during rainy season.

What a drag. I may go up to Luang Prabang a bit sooner than I thought since there’s not much else to do here besides eat and get drunk, while nursing a sliced foot. Oh well, it could be worse … I could be working on Wall Street. HA!

P.S. Dee, funny thing – the 2 brothers that run the climbing place I went too have a brother that I (and almost certainly you) know that works for Hot Rocks down in Railay. Fucking small world, huh?

I’m now up in Vang Vieng, Laos. It’s a small(ish) little village on the banks of the Mekong River, which for some reason has devolved into a haven for wayward backpackers.

The main street is littered with guest houses, bars, restaurants, internet cafes and tour agencies. Almost all the restaurants have large televisions playing American sitcoms (most of them ‘Friends’ — no, I’m NOT kidding) on a rotational basis.

And despite the hell (and gag reflex) this vision invokes, it’s actually not all that bad of a scene. This is saying something, considering the praise is coming from yours truly. I think it’s because the whole Laos lackadaisical attitude doesn’t push the whole issue on you as much as it does down in similar spots in Thailand and elsewhere in S.E. Asia.

Regardless, I’m still only staying a few days to do some climbing, some rafting, and some drinking (did I mention Laotion beer, coffee, and food just fucking ROCK!?!). before heading up to Luang Prabang for another few days before rafting back down to Vientiane.

P.S. Dee, sorry I forgot to respond to your continued suggestion that I hit Vietnam. I’m not doing it this round — for 2 reasons: 1. I head back to the Philippines to go surfing in only a couple weeks; and 2. they changed the visa requirements for Vietnam (it now takes 5-7 days and about US$65.00 for 30 day tourist visa — so fuck all that right now). Thanks anyway, mate.

Hey guys, I’m currently in Vientiene, but pressed for time as I’m catching a bus to Vang Vieng in about 20 minutes. As per the claims of my buddies Dee and Desh (no, I’m not kidding about the names), there’s not much to do in Vientiene besides eat and drink … a lot.

But I will say this:

Yes, Beer Laos is the BEST fucking lager beer I’ve had in S.E. Asia (perhaps ever).

Yes, Laotion (sp?) food is perhaps the BEST in S.E. Asia (whereas the Philippines has taken the WORST food and drink combinations from all the cultures it was conquered by, Laos has taken all the BEST … think baguettes with pate and spicy guava salad – damn good!)

Yes, there’s not much going on here, and the pace is beyond laid back. It’s a lot like the Indo islands I frequent … but with no surf to pass the time. Still, it’s nice.

Okay, more later, but gotta go.

Aloha you nutjubs, listen up: I’m taking the suggestions of several of my friends and heading up to Laos tommorow for a week or so. My first stop is Vientiane, where I’ll probably spend 1-2 days. Then my plan is to take a bemo to vang Vieng, where I’ll probably stay another 1-2 days. From there, I’ll be heading up to Luang Prabang, and then from there, I’ll probably take a slow boat down Mekhong river back to Vientiane.

These plans are tentative, but it’s a start. If I get sidetracked, I’ll let y’all know. But for now, that’s the plan.

If anyone has any other suggestions (ahem … Dee), please lemme know. I’ll try to post some pics and stuff from the road wherever there’s internet and such. Thanks kids, I’m outta here.