A Bowl of Stupid

Yes, me being who I am, I was bound to get injured sooner or later. The good news is that it's a minor injury — more aggravating than anything else. I'm still here in Vang Vieng, and I was planning on going tubing down the river today, as per suggestion of my buddy 'Dee'. However, yesterday I went rock climbing and in returning down from the set climbing route, I slipped in some mud, my flip-flop came off, and I sliced open the bottom of my foot fairly deep on a rock.

Sigh.

Like I said, not a really big deal, except that there's no way in HELL I'm going tubing down a muddy ol' river today with an open wound like that. Plus, I don't have any shoes, so it's a real pain in the ass keeping it clean for the next couple days (at least) — especially now, during rainy season.

What a drag. I may go up to Luang Prabang a bit sooner than I thought since there's not much else to do here besides eat and get drunk, while nursing a sliced foot. Oh well, it could be worse … I could be working on Wall Street. HA!

P.S. Dee, funny thing - the 2 brothers that run the climbing place I went too have a brother that I (and almost certainly you) know that works for Hot Rocks down in Railay. Fucking small world, huh?

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Hey guys, I'm currently in Vientiene, but pressed for time as I'm catching a bus to Vang Vieng in about 20 minutes. As per the claims of my buddies Dee and Desh (no, I'm not kidding about the names), there's not much to do in Vientiene besides eat and drink … a lot.

But I will say this:

Yes, Beer Laos is the BEST fucking lager beer I've had in S.E. Asia (perhaps ever).

Yes, Laotion (sp?) food is perhaps the BEST in S.E. Asia (whereas the Philippines has taken the WORST food and drink combinations from all the cultures it was conquered by, Laos has taken all the BEST … think baguettes with pate and spicy guava salad - damn good!)

Yes, there's not much going on here, and the pace is beyond laid back. It's a lot like the Indo islands I frequent … but with no surf to pass the time. Still, it's nice.

Okay, more later, but gotta go.

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(Yep, I'm starting to handle those perfect Indo lefts okay enuf…)

So, after 5 towns, 4 airports, 3 plane rides, 3 bemo rides, 3 taxi rides, and 1 ferry ride, I'm back from Rote and in Bangkok again. And while the surf was less than I expected it was still a very, VERY enjoyable trip.

I was in Rote for about a month, and while I did get several days (about 6-7 total) of some really great, single to triple overhead surf … I pretty much got skunked (in terms of big waves). Oh well, not much to do about that.

Regardless, like I said, I still had a really good time there … again. I'm may be starting to enjoy that area just a bit too much. I enjoy learning Indonesian, I enjoy the local peeps (just such great folks), and even when the surf is small, if there are no (like 'NONE') people out in the water, it's still a fun little wave to dick around on in between naps.

As usual, I'm also now sans the extra 2-3 kilos I tend to put on living in civilization (i.e., Bangkok, Singapore, Miami … wherever). The food is soooo good, and sooo healthy — rice and veggies and fish (all locally and naturally grown stuff, too), that it's hard NOT to get healthy there. Also, I was spending anywhere between 1.5 — 6 hours in the water and practicing yoga almost every day — damn it feels good to feel this healthy!!

And my surfing has also improved tremendously — my new(ish) single-fin retro board doesn't do much in smaller waves (I just bought a 6′8″ super-fish in Bali to handle anything less than head high waves), but in anything 1.5 overhead and bigger … man, that thing fucking FLIES!! And it's so, so, sooooo much fun.

I never really knew what was achievable on bigger waves with the right equiptment!! Now I'm starting to find out … and I LOVE it!! Even now, after getting almost 'complacent' with surfing the near-perfect conditions of Indonesia for the past year, it's like getting that 'first time surfing bug' all over again. Damn, now it just feels so good to go surfing again!!!

Anyway …. and then there's Bangkok…

After almost another month sans electricity and internet, I got back to Bali yesterday to hear word of riots and another potential coup here in Bangkok. Strange days.

As usual, the mainstream media is doing it's best to overstate the situation simply to scare the world's population. As it turns out, however, it doesn't seem to be all that bad here. From what I've seen so far, it's pretty much 'business as usual' around here, except that the entire town is kinda subdued right now. It's sort of like everyone is just staying quiet and keeping their heads down until all the political bullshit blows over.

Noneteless, it does reminds you that regardless of all the western influences it IS still Asia and they do things a bit differently over here. I head to Krabi this weekend for a friend's birthday retreat, but I'll keep everyone posted.

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Not really much to write about at the present. I'm just enjoying my stay here in Bangkok before leaving again back for Rote, Indonesia in three (3) days.

I've said it before and I'll say it again — Bangkok really is a great town. But it also has a tendency to drain money from your wallet at an alarming rate (and this is coming from an ex-pat who's living here — I can only imagine how much money all the tourist 'falangs' are forking out while here on holiday).

Just today, I bought a new rice cooker, a French drip coffee pot, and new headphones for my iPod. This is in addition to the books and DVD's I bought to take with me to Rote, as well as all the movies I've been seeing (including the new 'Speed Racer' movie … which sucked on too many levels to discuss right now without suffering a cerebral hemorrhage), and the new clothes, and the yoga classes, and the coffees, and the lunches, and the dinners, and the nightclubs.

It's kinda like Miami — it's so good it's bad.

Thankfully, I had the foresight to plan ahead — like I said, I leave again in 3 days. I really need to get out of this town and back to the peace and quiet of Indonesia before I go broke … or wind up marrying a Thai hooker, whichever comes first.

Okay, I'm off to go play poker with a bunch of Swedes — dammit, there's another 1000 baht I'll never see again.

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I finally made it!! After weeks of abusive viral infections and neo-hippie hombres, I'm finally out of India!

And probably not a moment too soon. I swear, I thought that place was trying to kill me — dengue fever, food poisoning, the constant smoke from all the burning garbage (and people). I really do feel about 1000% better now that I'm back in Sri Lanka.

Not that THAT process itself wasn't a bit of a ball-buster. First, I had to spend about 4-5 hours on a train from Cochin to Thiruvananthapuram (affectionately called 'Trivandrum'), seemingly stopping at every backwater hole-in-the-wall en route. I tried to eat and drink as little as possible during that time, which made me kinda weak, too. That may seem a bit much, but my stomach was still 'bothering me' [ahem], and if you see the hole in the bottom of the train they euphemistically call a 'toilet', you'll understand my aversion.

I couldn't sleep in a hotel in town, because thanks to the local Kerala Communist leadership, the next day — the actual day of my flight — the locals were staging a 'fuel strike' protesting the fuel cost hike, so no taxis, tuk-tuks, or anything motorized would be able to take me to the airport. When I asked someone about catching a random taxi working outside the strike, I was told I didn't want to do that just in case it got stopped by an angry mob. Nice.

So instead, I went to the airport the early morning beforehand and I was able to get a nice 1-2 hour nap in the front lobby of the Trivandrum airport. Then, when it was finally time to check it, I had to wait another 8 hours in the airport while my flight was delayed. Shit, at that point, I honestly felt like the country was trying to keep me there - just to finish off the job.

The good news is that we eventually made it onto the 45 minute flight to Colombo, Sri Lanka. The bad news is that we arrived at 1:30 a.m. I somehow finagled my way into getting a free ride from the airport to Colombo (about 1 hour away), at which time I slept on the front steps of the Colombo train station for another couple hours until the station opened at 5:30 a.m.

Yes, I know this is the same train station that was bombed by Tamil Tiger separatists — killing dozens — just weeks ago. Yes, I know it probably wasn't the smartest of ideas sleeping on the front steps of a public train station in downtown Colombo. But fuck it, I made it out of India alive — at that point, I felt absolutely invincible. Exhausted, but invincible.

I caught the 6:30 a.m. train down to Mirissa, where I am again — at Dinu's Resort. I'm still a bit too 'blech' to eat anything, but it's nice to be back in a place where the only things actively trying to kill you are the terrorists.

I got a couple surfs in yesterday before crashing for about 13 hours. I hope to have at least one more before I have to begin the 5 hour trek back up to the Colombo/Negombo airport for my 5:00 a.m. flight to Bangkok tomorrow morning.

I'm already really happy to be back in Sri Lanka. But I REALLY can't wait to get back to Thailand. Sawadee kap, bitches!

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Yes, I was stupid enough to step DIRECTLY on a black sea urchin in my rush to get out into the surf break right in front of my new guest house in Marissa, SR. Yes, it fucking hurt.

Given my sister's fascination with divulging my various minor physical woes with my technologically inept parents (apparently in a unilateral attempt to turn the rest of my mom's hair grey), I had resolved not to discuss the matter any further.

However, I've been asked by several folks for details. So, with a request to my sister NOT to tell my parents about this (at this point, hopefully) trifling issue for now, here are the details.

I stepped on a whole flock of black sea urchins. For those not acquainted, they are a mass of hollow black spikes with tiny spurs on them, apparently present just to add that extra special touch.

If you happen to step on them and remove your foot back without moving side to side, it may be possible to break off the spike while they are still sticking out of your foot by a few centimeters. If you 'jerk' back your foot (or feet, in my case) in response to the shock of having razor sharp spikes jammed 1-2 centimeters into the soles of your feet (no, I am NOT kidding), then the spikes will break off just below the surface of the skin.

This makes removal a particularly wonderful experience.

A large majority of the spikes in my left foot fell into the former category, and thus were removed fairly easily (all but a small one, which I'm keeping as a pet). The right foot however was not so fortunate. I had about 20 spikes in all. Most of them were removed using a mixture of native plant seepage, Sri Lankan rum, and a big fat splif.

One particularly vicious spike went thru the outside of my pinky toe in such a way that, rather than trying to pull it out, it was actually easier to cut the skin along the length of it and remove it by opening the skin flap.

There were also several others that were too deep to remove with the instruments at hand (a safety pin, nair clippers, and a pair of tweezers (all of which obviously just cleaned in an alcohol bath, of course). For them, we applied a mix of coconut, sugar, and curry powder and let it sit overnight.

Yes, I let them do that to my foot. I'm a very trusting soul.

Amazingly, the mixture worked (for the most part), as all but two of the bigger spikes were drawn to the skin surface overnite. That's where the fun starts. Long story short, after letting Dinu (my host) dig around in my foot with a safety pin for the better part of 2 hours, we instead decided to go to the doctor and let him remove the remaining spikes (this turned out to be a VERY good idea, considering the spike we removed from my little toe had gotten poisoned and was swelling from infection).

We did, of course, go to the snake farm first. Dude, if you've never seen a brown cobra hissing and rearing at you from only a meter away from you, I HIGHLY recommend it. Okay, maybe not … I hear ya.

The doctor's 'office' was something special, as was also the local anesthetic that must be applied at the site of EACH puncture. After applying the local, the 'doc' went to replace the old scalpel head with a fresh (and presumably clean) blade. In doing so, the old blade 'popped' off and flew across the room, landing behind some table or another.

Both I and my new Brit friend Paul (who was there to get some drops for his manky ear) starting laughing hysterically at the flying scalpel blade. The doc was not amused, and after setting down some newspapers to mop up the blood, he set to work digging into the sole of my foot with a scalpel.

That was just precious. Absolutely precious.

Those of you who know me personally may know my quirk that I tend to laugh more in direct relation to the amount of pain I'm in. You can ask Paul, in a matters of only seconds I was laughing hysterically in a way I haven't since watching "Showgirls." Again, just precious.

So, there you've got it. I'm on penicillin to treat the infection/poison for the next few days, and I'm out of the water for at least 1 more day (day 4, in total). All total, the doctor and the drugs cost me about US$5.00. Not bad, all things considered.

Other than that, though, I'm having a blast. No, really! Before this sea urchin bullshit, I was getting some decent surf (not Indo surf, but still …), the food is simply AMAZING, the locals are nice to a fault (almost creepily so), and the other surf-tourists I've met to date have been absolutely fantastic.

Hey sis, knock yerself out. But if mom goes all postal over this shit, it's not my fault.

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After 2 days in Singapore, although I'm settling in, I'm still not fully recovered from the trip here.

Maybe it was the 20 hour flight from Los Angeles. Maybe it's the fact that I went out until 5 a.m. and 3 a.m. the first two nights here, respectively. Maybe it was the 5 bottles of Chivas Regal I helped down each of those nights with one of my best friend's best friends (a.k.a., the guy who's letting me crash in his spare room; a.k.a., my new best friend) and the rest of his ex-pat buddies. Maybe it was the head cold I got from the girl hacking up a lung in the seat adjacent to me on my nightmare flight aboard American Airlines.

Regardless, I don't feel quite up to snuff. If I did, I would be going to Bangkok tomorrow with my buddy for the week. I may still go there later in the week, but as it now stands, I'm gonna stay here in Sing to relax and take in the city for a few days.

This morning, I went to a supermarket here on Robertson Quay (where I'm staying), where I was absolutely overwhelmed by the different and exotic foods, especially the fruits and vegetables.

The fruit that caught my eye the most was the above-pictured "dragon fruit" (or pitahaya).

Like I said above, I don't know what it is, what it tastes like, or who came up with the name — but it looks, and sounds like the most bad-ass fruit on earth. Seriously, they couldn't make up something this creepy looking on an episode of Star Trek.

This new food is the first step of many, I hope, which brings into sharp relief (for me, at least) the differences between the East and the West.

Don't get me wrong, I've seem some cool foods in the countries in Central and South America; but in the Americas, the same basic foods are eaten, available and similarly prepared as in the US — and most of the west (given that's where the Latino cultures originated). But here, they have dried/fried cuttlefish as a snack in the "outbox" of the local 7-11, right next to the Kit-Kats, Hershey Bars, and Trident (yes, they do chew gum here).

By the way, if you're interested, dried/fried cuttlefish snacks taste like something scraped from the bottom of a fishing-bait bucket. Hell, maybe it was.

But there are a number of other great foods that I've either never seen, or not had in a long while. I bought more food than I care to describe just to see what they taste like, at a pretty upscale market, and it still only cost me about US$40.00.

It was too much money in the grand scheme of things, but I'm starting to get a sense of pricing — with Singapore being the most expensive place in the area (with Robertson and Clark Quays themselves being among the most expensive areas in the city).

Tomorrow I plan to downsize. I'll be visiting one of the "hawker centers", which are big open-air markets where you can get, among other things, a huge bowl of rice noodles and chicken for about $3.00 Sing (about US$1.80).

As an aside, the other main difference that's caught my eye is that the sizes (meal portions, cars, scooters, … people) are remarkably smaller — even in a vastly metropolitan country such as Singapore. Indeed, I've yet to see an SUV or truck anywhere.

Don't get me wrong, this place is still pretty glutenous as far as cities go, but it's done in a much more simplified way. It's like an Eastern attempt at Westernization, much like (although in reverse) the Chinese food you get in the U.S. is a Westernized version of the original.

There's less water in the toilets, there are less cars on the road, and there's less food on the plates. They're just not needed.

I have, however, only been here for a couple days, and I could be completely wrong. But for now, it feels like a great first step for me to take in my ever-growing movement towards simplicity.

P.S. Dragon-fruit looks even cooler in real life than in that picture. Don't ask me why, cuz I couldn't tell ya.

P.P.S. In tribute to a friend I didn't get a chance to meet before I left the States, I'm watching one of my favorite movies today — Big Trouble In Little China (it just seems appropriate, doncha think?).

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As I mentioned a few days ago, I haven't watched cable television for the last couple years.

As such, I'm a couple months behind on this thing, but this Starburst ad I saw this morning is quite possibly the funniest disturbing commercial I've ever seen.

Much like The Exorcist, I've watched it about 100 times now, and it keeps getting funnier every time I see it.

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UPDATE: Thanks to a note from Zesty (who has a disturbingly familiar blog layout), we also know just where they’re going to get it.

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On the footsteps of my last post inadvertently plugging car insurance comes this, a post plugging a wine bar located here on Miami Beach. Whereas my last post was based on entertainment value, however, this one is nothing more than a blatant advertisement for my friend's bar.

My friend Gigi C. Olah and her husband own Vino Miami, probably the only serious wine bar and retail wine outlet located on Miami Beach. Although Miami Beach is well known for having purportedly outstanding food and drink, there is in actuality very little of both. And that which is here is outrageously overpriced beyond the grasp of locals seeking a decent and reliable local restaurant (read: not worth the money).

Vino, however, has gained a reputation among us locals for having high quality wines at reasonable prices. The menu features a world-class selection of small production and boutique wines and champagnes by the glass and bottle. In addition, Vino's food menu is designed to pair specifically with the wine selection.

Now, wine aficionados will be able to enjoy a "Uniquey Boutiquey" wine pairing dinner two (2) Thursdays of each month. Each of the bi-monthly dinner offerings will feature a unique food menu to be paired by Gigi with wines from various regions around the world. For anyone here in the Miami area, I highly recommend you check it out. Reservations must be made by 5pm on the Wednesday before the event, and you can contact Gigi through Vino's website: VinoMiami.com.

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Considering the fact that most of my "side projects" are not really bringing in any substantial income right now, I am actually considering going back to work as an attorney - if nothing else, probably just part-time. I shudder at the idea, but like I said, none of the projects I've tried to implement over the past six (6) months seem to be coming to fruition as of yet.

Regardless, in the interim, I will keep plugging away - quite literally. This time, I'm posting a site link and a "coupon" prepared by my partner over at Wish Upon A Stove. I personally think it's a great idea, my friend is a gourmet chef and he's taken to posting "learn to cook" videos online as a preface to starting his own online culinary school. The guy taught at one of the big schools in California and from what I understand, there's nothing you can learn there that you can't learn by watching videos and a small bit of personal guidance (much like sex, I suppose).

I've been told that, if you're a foodie (a term I never even heard about until earlier this year), it's like nirvana.

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