A Bowl of Stupid

I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. … I hope.

My intent upon initially leaving the States way back when was to engage in what I then called “The Bowl of Stupid World Tour” — a tour that started out in Singapore, made various pit-stops in Indonesia, Thailand and other bright and shiny destinations throughout Southeast Asia. From there, the tour made an unexpected stop in Boston, and would continue on through Sri Lanka and India, and eventually lead to various stops through Australia.

All of that was accomplished — and more.

The tour was also supposed to expand into and through the Pacific — to places like Guam, Palau, and Fiji. But somehow I never got there. Instead, like many people, I got trapped by the allures of Asia and, for the past 3-plus years, I wound up living in Bangkok, then Bali, and then back to Thailand — which is where I find myself today.

My intention upon returning to Bangkok was to make a life for myself here — in the past six (6) months, I’ve spent countless hours looking for work, making new friends, and networking with the Bangkok business community, all in the hopes that I would be able to find a paying job sufficient enough to allow me to stay here, perhaps indefinitely. Indeed, for all its faults and quirks and despite the fact that I constantly have to defend it to my friends back in the States who have a distorted view of the place, I love Bangkok very much. I really do. As do I love mostly all of Southeast Asia, the Buddhist way of thinking, and all the lovely people I’ve met here who have been gracious enough to let me into their lives, however briefly.

But like most things, permanence here is apparently not for me. My destination (if there is one), at this point seemingly lies elsewhere. I’ve not been able to find a decent job that would allow me to maintain even the minimalist lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed. So I’m leaving Thailand, and Asia — most likely never to return, except perhaps as a tourist.

I really don’t mean to come across as a drama queen. But my experiences here in Asia over the past several years have altered me in ways I previously thought unimaginable. As a result, the thought of leaving Asia for good is obviously a bit daunting. The world out here is truly wondrous — with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. And I am also sorry to see this, yet another stage of my life, exiled to the relative oblivion of memories.

In contrast to that melancholy, I am also optimistic, since I’m returning to the original path that has been lost to me — I’m finally heading out into the Pacific. And I’m also returning to the practice of law. And I’m also heading back to the States (in a manner of speaking).

Less than two (2) days from now, I’m moving to American Samoa, the southernmost territory of the United States, with a total land mass about the size of Washington D.C., and a total population of approximately 70,000. I go there with the promise of a paying job, decent surf, tropical island breezes, a lush island paradise and, most importantly, relative peace and tranquility.

As usual, we’ll see how it plays out …

One of the downsides to shopping your wares in a horrible market — one of the MANY downsides — is that it leaves you with little or no time to pursue your own pet-projects, like say … a travel / surf / entertainment blog with an ever-diminishing readership.

Hell, even with regular full-time work, I was able to stuff in a few 30 minute sectors here and there to put together something almost remotely interesting. Now, all my free time is spent pursuing contacts, going to networking events, or getting a 250 baht foot massage (Hey, it’s an investment!). I sometimes manage to fit in a look at one or two of my favorite “regular” web sites here and there. But it’s not much …

For that reason, I’m basically stealing this latest post directly from Chez — who has managed to remain much better connected (and prolific) than I of late. From the (500) Days of Summer soundtrack — yet another movie I’ve not yet had the chance to see — here’s The Temper Trap’s Sweet Disposition. Awesome track. It’s nice to see music returning to the business of … well, music.

**

Although I’ve cut down on my publication of posts here over the past 6-8 months, it doesn’t mean I stopped writing entirely. To the contrary, I’ve probably been writing more, albeit more personal works not really suited for mass consumption (and subsequent regurgitation).

However, by both choice and necessity I’m settling down to (what I hope will be) a long term commitment here in Bangkok. I’m also becoming re-acclimated with the concept of living like most everyone else does — getting a job, getting an apartment, going to work, going to the gym, paying bills, hopefully one day accidentally getting shot in the head during a daring daytime robbery attempt — you know, the normal stuff.

That being said, I’ve found myself inside and on the computer much more than I have been in recent memory. Similarly, I’ve worn a suit and shoes probably more during the past 10 days than I have during the last 4 years combined. Honestly, I will always prefer sandals to closed-toe shoes, but I can’t say I don’t like the change more than just a little bit.

The whole “ex-lawyer surfer bum” thing does get old from time to time. And dressing like a grown-up again has also reminded me of just HOW MANY TIMES I’ve reinvented myself during the 5 years alone — which I sorta started writing about last month en route back to the States for 2 weeks. So I thought I’d put it up here (not that anyone’s really still reading this shit anyway).

** Yeah, the picture has absolutely nothing to do with this. I just like the idea of a polar bear taking a piss in a public bathroom.

————————-

I’ve just started reading Sean Wilsey’s autobiography, “Oh The Glory Of It All.” From what I can tell from the first 100 pages or so, it’s not the most compelling of reads, despite the columns of many corporate shills professing otherwise. However, the way I figure it, I’m going to be spending the majority of the next two (2) days in the air (which I am now, en route from Saigon to Hong Kong), so I’ll have some free time on my hands to read.

At the outset, Wilsey goes through great pains to describe his parents and their history. What I find personally remarkable about them is how, although his parents took different paths, joined up briefly, and ultimately wound up in different places, they both seemed to have lived multiple lives. Both Wilsey’s mother and father were each married four (4) times. They each seemed to have separate families dating from different times in their lives. And they were both masters of reinvention.

It’s an issue I’m dealing with right now, actually. I’m leaving Asia, and heading back to the States, for the first time in a couple years. America is the country of my birth. It’s where I was raised. And where I was schooled. And it’s where I lived my entire life, up until just a few years ago. But going back now, it seems like a lifetime ago.

Although I’m still relatively young, I feel like I’ve already lived several lives at this point — Philly, Arizona, Alaska, Oregon, San Diego, California, Florida … geek, student, fisherman, slacker, law student, attorney, surfer, rebel. I’ve changed and altered myself almost every time I’ve moved that I can barely recognize those prior person(s). My latest, and most public, persona is what now lingers.

But I feel it turning. I have been for a while now. A new persona is needed mainly because I need money, and I need full-time work again. But, as I’ve mentioned several times over the course of the past year, it’s also because my current lifestyle is losing the appeal it once held for me. And my desire for change is metastasizing more each day. If things work out the way I hope they do, I can finally see the next reinvention — more than just the amorphous ‘need’ I’ve voiced previously.

Yes, it’s true.

I’ve started looking for work again (and by ‘looking for work’, of course I mean ‘hitting up just about every person I’ve ever met over the course of the past few years for a gig’).

Good lord, I forgot just how daunting a task this is. Really.

In talking to my friends over the past couple years about such things — in Bangkok, the States, and elsewhere — it all sounded so easy getting work. And enjoyable, good paying work, at that.

Yeah, not so much …

Apparently, it turns out there’s some sort of ‘global financial crisis’ or something that’s cropped up over the past year while I’ve been be-boppin’ my way through the inner depths of Southeast Asia. And I guess this may not have really been the best particular time to rejoin the capitalist race.

What makes it worse is, just as when I left my legal career back in the States a few years ago, I still haven’t really narrowed my options very much. I’m interested in doing pretty much anything and everything outside the exact practice of law (with the exception of Federal Pleading Practice … which I greatly enjoyed. which I was best suited, and at which I was really, really good).

However, the problem is now compounded by the fact that, unlike before I left the States, now I’m willing (and hopeful) to take on a position not only back in the States, but also all over Asia, Australia and the whole of the Pacific Rim.

I’m in way, way, WAY over my head at the moment, people.

Fuckin’ hell, things were a whole lot easier before those damn Jedi’s fucked up everything for everyone!

P.S. Oh yeah, as an aside .. remember how I wrote last week about meeting that beautiful girl in Vietnam, and how:

I had an absolute and total blast [traveling] with her … and I regret nothing.

Well, turns out I was wrong. I’ve one regret — I should never have left Bangkok.