A Bowl of Stupid

   
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Okay, I'll admit it — I'm a bit of a comic book junkie. Always have been, probably always will be.

For that reason alone, I'd been looking forward to the new Iron Man movie for a while now. However, with all the traveling I've been doing, I kinda forgot about the whole thing until I got back to Bangkok last week.

Luckily for me (and for Marvel), posters of Robert Downey Jr. in that goddamn iron suit are pasted up all around Bangkok — so it took me all of .025 seconds to remember about the film. Also luckily for me, the film was formally released in Bangkok theaters on 30 April (about 3 days ago), and unofficially released several weeks prior by the guy selling bootleg DVD's down on Sukhumvit Road.

So I've had the opportunity to see the movie twice so far.

And I gotta tell ya' … it's not bad. In fact, it's a pretty freakin' good.

Admittedly, it takes neither a genius nor a sneak-peak at the script to figure out the plot, before ever stepping foot into a theater (or the Sukhumvit) — successful, morally destitute, yet fundamentally good protagonist suffers harm at hands of TRULY evil persons … realizes the error of his ways … find means to rectify past wrongs and help save the world (in this case, such 'means' being a post-modern bullet-proof flying suit) … hilarity ensues … blah, blah, blah.

And yes, Iron Man can be enjoyed as just another action/adventure superhero movie — with all the requisite blockbuster CGI special effects. But thanks to the strength of primary casting (Downey, Jeff Bridges, Terrance Howard), the movie also works on a more human-scale — as a drama about a reckless man who, in discovering his conscious, decides that being a playboy weapons manufacturer may not be a 'morally sound' way to conduct his life.

On paper, Iron Man and his alter-ego Tony Stark look rather generic, but in the hands of Downey and director, Jon Favreau (remember Swingers?), the stock superhero character is redefined as a screwball romantic that hides a deeper, contemplative side — sort of like a Nick Charles (The Thin Man) for the 21st century.

Admittedly, Downey was an unlikely choice to play a superhero, but his own dark past, infectious self-deprecating humor, intuitive sense of timing, and astounding acting skills infuse the main character with a depth not otherwise seen in films based on comic books.

In fact, the only other actor with the skills to effectively pull that off was Christian Slater in the later-day Batman movies. However, unlike those (and several other deliriously boring superhero flicks), Favreau and Downey remember the underlying issue about comic book movies — generally speaking, they're not meant to be ponderous and steeped in existential angst.

They're supposed to be fun!

In the case of Iron Man, the filmmakers understood the priority had to be fun, albeit tempered with some real world content and criticism; which makes for an entertaining, fun, and yet still ultimately realistic story.

The only, and weakest, link in Iron Man was the casting of Gweneth Paltrow as Downey's assistant/love interest. I won't argue the point — she may have been a great actress at one time, but in this role she faltered … HUGELY. In fact, every time she appeared on film, I guarantee you that the minds behind Iron Man were squirming in the seats at the ridiculousness of her shallow acting — hoping, as I did, that Downey's skills were sufficient to carry the load.

Lucky for them they are. Truly, if ever there was a poster boy for everything that can be accomplished despite the ravages of drug addiction, Robert Downey Jr. is the guy. Go check out the movie, and check out how a modern-day superhero is SUPPOSED to look.

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Hey! Look who I ran into last night here in Bangkok!!

Either that or I'm still hallucinating from all the laew Khao whiskey I drank at and/or after (it's still not clear to me which) the MTV Party at my friends hotel here in Bangkok. Uggh, just kill me now.

The party itself was great. I went to dinner with some friends I met down in Rai Lay Beach before heading over the the hotel rooftop, where the party itself was being held. It was a great venue, Rob Garza from Thievery Corporation was in attendance, as were some other great DJ's. All in all, a fun time … from what I remember, of course.

Sho Nuff!!

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Sic transit gloria mundi. (All glory is fleeting.)
-Ancient Roman Proverb

In checking out the U.S. morning news this evening, I found this utterly unsurprising story to be at the top of the headlines. Hmm, so it appears that Lindsay Lohan has been arrested yet again for cocaine and drunk driving.

Wow. Ya' really got to give it to those U.S. network news guys for sniffing out the issues that are most important to the global community. Bravo, kind sirs. Bravo.

In contrast, their foreign counterparts have much to learn from their American brethren. Indeed, check out these obviously less important items that are in the major headlines in the international news this evening (morning in U.S.):

• Taliban spokesman thinks S. Korean hostage crisis 'will be solved peacefully'

• Suicide car bomber kills at least 22 in Hilla; roadside bomb kills 1; 24 bodies found

• Spain nabs suspected double agent who sold names, secrets to Russia

• Earthquake damage at nuclear plant raises questions in Japan

• Bush to defend focus on Iraq in S.C. speech Tuesday

Uhh … yah. And you wonder why I'm returning next week back to where they don't have any electricity (or U.S. network news)? Just wake me up for the next O.J. trial.

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Yeah, … like jail.

Paris Hilton Sentenced To 45 Days In Jail

LOS ANGELES - A judge sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail Friday for violating her probation, putting the brakes on the hotel heiress' famous high life.

Hilton, who parlayed her name and relentless partying into worldwide notoriety, must go to jail on June 5 and she will not be allowed any work release, no furloughs, no use of an alternative jail and no electronic monitoring in lieu of jail.

The heiress arrived at court 10 minutes late in the back of a black Cadillac Escalade and swept into the Metropolitan Courthouse with several men in suits, ignoring screams of photographers lining the route into a rear entrance.

Hilton, 26, pleaded no contest in January to reckless driving stemming from a Sept. 7 arrest in Hollywood. She had a blood-alcohol level of .08 percent in violation of California law. She was sentenced to 36 months probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines.

Two other traffic stops and failure to enroll in a mandated alcohol education program landed the socialite back in court.

Then, on Jan. 15, Hilton was pulled over by California Highway Patrol. Officers informed her that she was driving on a suspended license and she signed a document acknowledging that she was not to drive, according to papers filed in Superior Court.

Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies stopped Hilton on Feb. 27 and charged her with violating her probation. Police said she was pulled over at about 11 p.m. after authorities saw the car speeding with its headlights off. (Via Yahoo News)

I'm guessing this isn't quite what Hilton had in mind with its new advertising slogan. … but it's funny as hell.

And by the way, forget what I said about how silly it is to believe in god — now I believe, brothers and sisters. Amen.

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Holy crap! With this type of news, I may be gone longer than expected. Manny and TK, if you'll continue minding the store while I'm gone?

Will Iran War Start On Friday? Last weekend saw widespread reports in the mainstream media that the United States will be ready to launch a missile attack on Iran's nuclear facilities "from 4 a.m. until 4 p.m. on April 6." (Via Infowars)

Death toll From South Pacific Tsunami Rises To 28. Survivors scavenged for food and drinking water in towns hammered by a tsunami on the Solomon Islands' west coast, while officials said the death toll was 28 and would rise as they struggled to reach remote communities. (Via Yahoo News)

26 Animals Seized From Calif. Motel Room. Santa Cruz County authorities have confiscated more than two dozen animals from a couple who were hoarding them in their motel room they shared with two children. Inside the room, they found 20 domestic birds, a cat and a rabbit. There was one dead bird in a cage and three others stuffed in the freezer. (Via Red Orbit)

Jenna Jameson Memoir Film On Hold Due to Botched Vaginoplasty. "She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy," said the source, who added, in perhaps an unfortunate choice of words, "she has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody. The producers are about to pull the plug on the movie," which would be a mainstream production. Once again, you can't make this shit up. (Via WWTDD)

Shots Wound 3 at Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards After-Party. Shots were fired at a party attended mostly by teenagers early Sunday following the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, wounding three people. The three victims were hit below the waist and did not face life threatening injuries. No word on whether Jenna Jameson's cootch was among the injured. (Via Huffington Post)

Courtney Love Alive And Well On The Beaches Of Hawaii. New photographic evidence surfaced today showing that Courtney Love is still alive, wearing nothing but a bikini, a bird, and a whole lot of saggy, saggy skin. Oh, and she still didn't kill Kurt Cobain. (Via Hollywood Rag)

Santa Has Left The Housing Market. "Inflation fears will keep the Fed from cutting interest rates and house price may keep falling well into 2008. Maybe it's time to batten down the hatches and buy Government notes and bills with any spare cash." My thoughts exactly. (Via the American Chronicle)

Finally, here's a "scare-jew" video clip in honor of Passover, a holiday where us Jews celebrate when we killed Jesus (I stole that joke from my friend Pablo, so direct any comments and/or death threats his way).

Oh, and if anyone has experience filling out Singaporean visa forms, your help would be greatly appreciated right about now.

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Despite appearances to the contrary, I really do try to remain as non-judgmental as possible about other people - about their looks, their talent (or lack thereof), their background, their fashion choices - whatever.

Moreover, I generally loathe discussing celerities in general, as I view that as being akin to trying to stop a fire by dousing it with propane. Instead, much like one would deal with a debilitating brain tumor, I typically find the best thing to do is ignore the problem until it goes away.

However, every once in a while something from the celebrity world touches a nerve that sends me off the deep end.

In this case - it's the beast we call the Desolate One, otherwise known in the music industry as "Fergie." I can't put my finger on it, but for some reason, I simply cannot stand that woman.

Maybe it's her demonstrated inability to control her bodily functions; perhaps it's the fact that her hairline extends farther down the front of her face than Wolfman Jack's; maybe it's because she is consistently overrated both in terms of her musical talents and her importance in the grand scheme of things; or maybe it's the fact that she's a roaring drunk.

All those factors aside, however, I think the thing that is truly disturbing is the fact that Fergie has an incredible body that is really only made for one thing.

In that regard, maybe what bothers me is simply that she refuses to show off the only assets that may otherwise offset my utter contempt.

I just don't know.

I do know, however, the woman just bothers the fuck out of me. She may be a fine human being, but she just bothers me. I know I may be repeating myself, having written on this particular subject before. And while I apologize for the redundancy, it's a matter that's on my mind right now.

What set me off this time was something a friend of mine wrote on his blog questioning just what does the face of evil look like. While his conclusions differ from mine in this regard, the question was still ringing in my head when I visited another favorite site of mine, which was running the latest paparazzi shots of this horror show.

I apologize for the somewhat self-indulgent rant. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have to go rinse my mouth out with some Liquid Drano. It's what Leatherface would want.

(Fergie photo via I Don't Like You In That Way - although I won't hold it against Jenny & Todd)

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SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Sacramento Kings forward Ron Artest was arrested Monday after a woman called 911 from his home saying she had been assaulted. Placer County sheriff's deputies responded about 9:30 a.m. to Artest's five-acre estate in the Sacramento suburb of Loomis, where they found a woman who had suffered injuries, officials said. Deputies arrested Artest on suspicion of domestic violence and using force or violence to prevent the woman from reporting a crime, sheriff's spokeswoman Dena Erwin said.

Jesus, if there's any NBA player who makes the idea that a milkshake and hamburger solve mysteries seem normal, it's this guy.

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We interrupt your regularly scheduled nonsense to bring you the "Trainwreck Of The Year" Award. And Ladies and gentlemen, this year the award goes to … Britney Spears.

She's Cajun! She's single! She's fabulous! And tonight, she'll be opening for "Sawyer Brown" down at The Sawmill!

Pictures of Brittney shaving her head made their way online over the weekend. Until now, I had refrained from mentioning anything about this redneck freak show for fear of compromising my journalistic integrity.

But at this point, an exception simply must be made. Upon returning from a stint at a rehab facility on the Caribbean island of Antigua last week, Britney immediately did what anyone in her situation would do — she got a tattoo, had an apparent emotional collapse, and shaved her head. Jesus H. Christ, who's running that rehab facility, Baby Doc Duvalier?

I owe an apology to Kevin Federline for all the derogatory remarks I've made about him. Well no, not really. He's still a fucking jackass. But bloody hell, who'd have ever believed that he was the stable one in the relationship? Since their divorce proceedings began, K-Fed has looked like a model citizen compared to Britney.

A cry for help? Maybe.

Surreal? You betcha.

Another lingering reminder of just why the South lost the Civil War? Abso-fucking-lutely.

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As we all know, there hasn't been nearly enough coverage of this story.

Thankfully, "The Daily Show" finally has the cajones to cover the story that CNN, MSNBC, and FOX has simply refused to cover, and to finally ask the question that's been on everyone's lips:

"How did Anna Nicole Smith, a woman in a perpetual downward spiral, somehow spiral downward?"

"Ya' know, I'm not choking on my own vomit, but I'm tasting it a little."

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Micheal Vick. Really? You didn't want to throw your weed away before you went through security? Really!?! You have $117 million left on your contract. You know what $117 million means? You can afford to replace your weed if you have to throw it away at the airport.

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The first thing that Rose O’Donnell says in this clip from "the View" last Thursday morning was:

"And if I have to see Anna Nicole Smith one more time on television…"

And then Rosie continued to make fun of her. And then, of course, Anna Nicole died just hours later.

In my mind, there are one of several explanations for this:

1. Rosie was simply venting because she was in the midst of another in a long line of "bad weeks," and quite unfortunately, the target of her animosity coincidentally died of natural causes just hours later.

2. Despite the fact that Rosie is a nasty bitch, Anna Nicole was one of her biggest fans and, after watching Thursday morning's episode of The View, she killed herself in a desperate attempt to appease her fat and spiteful idol.

3. Rosie is an evil witch who tried to outwit the Prince of Darkness by picking up Anna Nicole and bringing back to her hotel room at the Hard Rock Hollywood, where Rosie bound her naked on a rubber mat, branded a pentacle on her chest, and used a virgin dagger to slice her clean open and eat her heart while it was still beating.

I suppose we'll just have to wait for the autopsy results.

(via WWTDD)

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As I have mentioned previously, many (including myself) have long doubted the benefits of joining the various "blog cataloging" services that have sprung up like virtual crabgrass of late. Indeed, Connected Internet recently posted an article entitled “The Dos And Don’ts For Driving Traffic To A New Website,” in which the author expressly advises: "Don’t Waste Time With Blog Directories."

However, I'm starting to disagree with this advise, at least with respect to MyBlogLog. Since I joined MyBlogLog last month, I have met some really incredible people whom I doubt I would have met otherwise. In addition, the new Google page ranking just came out and the rank on my page jumped tremendously - due in large part, I have little doubt, to the fact I joined MyBlogLog.

Moreover, I also mentioned earlier this week that Yahoo! just purchased MyBlogLog for $10 million. (via Modern SEO). This, I thought, was also an encouraging sign that MyBlogLog may be turning the conventional wisdom on its ear.

Finally this, the kicker. Today, it seems that my profile on MyblogLog was added as a contact by a virtual celebrity - Abi Titmuss.

If she made the addition herself personally, if it was done simply to garner more attention (such as this post itself), or if it was because she actually likes my site - I truly, truly do not care.

If you're unfamiliar with Ms. Titmuss and you still want to know WHY I just don't care, take a look at her website, her spread in Maxim Magazine, or her profile in AskMen. Ay, que rica!

Yes, I know, this Y chromosome just runs me.

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