A Bowl of Stupid

So much to explain, yet I still don’t know exactly where to begin — at least anywhere significantly different, except geographically speaking. I suppose the easiest place to begin is with the most obvious: I’m back in America.

As noted in prior posts, I left Bangkok over two (2) months ago now, right at the beginning of all the nonsense which has since engulfed Thailand in chaos, and now threatens to spiral out of control into a full-fledged civil war. Much like I saw the housing crisis back here in the States and cashed out / moved out before the storm reached it’s full intensity, so have I done with Thailand.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I found it relatively easy when I had to mentally and physically distance myself from my home country when the time came. Likewise, I found it almost disconcertingly easy to disconnect myself from Bangkok, which I loved as much as (if not more than) any other place I’ve lived. Now I am resigned only to hope for the best — just like every other outside observer.

After Thailand, my desire was to make a life for myself in the small, tropical wonderland of American Samoa. Specifically, an opportunity arose whereby I could live and work in Samoa for a short time, on a trial basis, and see if it suited me before committing further to the island. Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out the way I had anticipated, and after that 2 month “trial period” I left the island — most likely for good.

As I’ve mentioned previously, while admittedly small, the island of Tutuila itself is absolutely gorgeous — with tropical waterfalls, ubiquitous crystal-blue waters, soaring emerald-green volcanic mountains, and many lovely people. However, I would never be able to practice law, or conduct any business there, quite frankly, simply because the American Samoan Government is one of the most corrupt, nefarious, petty, and nepotistic organizations with which I have ever come into contact (which, including Mexico, Indonesia and Thailand, is really saying something).

My plan included returning to law in a relaxed, small-town, environment, which would allow me to also continue with my surfing and other pursuits, and also start a side-gig teaching yoga. During my two (2) months on Tutuila, I explored the beauty of the island, I arranged to start teaching yoga at a local gym, I re-immersed myself back into the practice of law, and I was also fortunate enough to meet some really great people. However, all of that positivity was tempered — no, absolutely nullified — by the sheer absurdity of trying to conduct business in the shadow of malfeasance and crookedness which is the American Samoan Government.

Which is a shame, because I could have made a life for myself there. Regardless, I saw the time had come for me to move on from Samoa. And, just as I was able to distance myself from every other place I’ve lived and loved, I left — again with a disturbing lack of fuss.

That was a couple weeks ago.

And where am I now? Now I’m back in Miami Beach, actually. Back in the same building in which I was living before I left. Granted, I’m now house-sitting for an old neighbor who generously lent me his condo for a couple weeks while he’s traveling. However, needless to say, after everyone I’ve met, after everywhere I’ve gone, and everything I’ve seen, and done, and been through since I left — I’m having more than just a slight difficulty re-acclimating. Indeed, I feel like Captain Willard at the start of Apocalypse Now:

When I was there, I wanted to be here; now I’m here, and all I can think of is getting back into the jungle. I’m here for weeks now … getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker. Each time I look around, the walls move in a little tighter.

Regardless … the point of this post was to point out, and put an end to, my journey. My sojourn. My multi-year vision quest.

I intended a bookend. But now, after writing all this out, I’m not sure. That is to say, although I’m back in the country of my birth, I am still very far from feeling “home.” Moreover, as the days move forward, it’s looking less and less likely that I’ll remain here in Florida, as the opportunities I came here for were apparently nothing more than seductive phantoms.

And so it seems I’ll soon be moving on … again. Despite the fact I still don’t know where I’m going. Or where I’ll wind up.

And while I want more than anything to stop having to write this goddamn blog, and to stay in one place for more than a couple fucking months at a time, and end this seemingly endless adventure (at least for long enough to catch my breathe) — apparently I still don’t have that option. Yet.

I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. … I hope.

My intent upon initially leaving the States way back when was to engage in what I then called “The Bowl of Stupid World Tour” — a tour that started out in Singapore, made various pit-stops in Indonesia, Thailand and other bright and shiny destinations throughout Southeast Asia. From there, the tour made an unexpected stop in Boston, and would continue on through Sri Lanka and India, and eventually lead to various stops through Australia.

All of that was accomplished — and more.

The tour was also supposed to expand into and through the Pacific — to places like Guam, Palau, and Fiji. But somehow I never got there. Instead, like many people, I got trapped by the allures of Asia and, for the past 3-plus years, I wound up living in Bangkok, then Bali, and then back to Thailand — which is where I find myself today.

My intention upon returning to Bangkok was to make a life for myself here — in the past six (6) months, I’ve spent countless hours looking for work, making new friends, and networking with the Bangkok business community, all in the hopes that I would be able to find a paying job sufficient enough to allow me to stay here, perhaps indefinitely. Indeed, for all its faults and quirks and despite the fact that I constantly have to defend it to my friends back in the States who have a distorted view of the place, I love Bangkok very much. I really do. As do I love mostly all of Southeast Asia, the Buddhist way of thinking, and all the lovely people I’ve met here who have been gracious enough to let me into their lives, however briefly.

But like most things, permanence here is apparently not for me. My destination (if there is one), at this point seemingly lies elsewhere. I’ve not been able to find a decent job that would allow me to maintain even the minimalist lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed. So I’m leaving Thailand, and Asia — most likely never to return, except perhaps as a tourist.

I really don’t mean to come across as a drama queen. But my experiences here in Asia over the past several years have altered me in ways I previously thought unimaginable. As a result, the thought of leaving Asia for good is obviously a bit daunting. The world out here is truly wondrous — with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. And I am also sorry to see this, yet another stage of my life, exiled to the relative oblivion of memories.

In contrast to that melancholy, I am also optimistic, since I’m returning to the original path that has been lost to me — I’m finally heading out into the Pacific. And I’m also returning to the practice of law. And I’m also heading back to the States (in a manner of speaking).

Less than two (2) days from now, I’m moving to American Samoa, the southernmost territory of the United States, with a total land mass about the size of Washington D.C., and a total population of approximately 70,000. I go there with the promise of a paying job, decent surf, tropical island breezes, a lush island paradise and, most importantly, relative peace and tranquility.

As usual, we’ll see how it plays out …

The Fifth of December is a huge day here in Thailand — it’s the birthday of His Majesty King Bhumibol Adulyadej, the world’s longest reigning monarch.

Known in Thai as ‘Wan Chalerm’. The King has a very special place in the hearts of the Thai people. He completely revitalized and redefined the country for the modern era. As a foreigner, it’s my view that the most important thing His Majesty has done is provide a firm foundation for the modern Thailand we know today, allowing it to weather, relatively unscathed, the turmoil that beset other countries in the region since the end of World War II.

In celebration of The Kings birthday, buildings and homes all over the country are elaborately adorned with flags and portraits of His Majesty, predominantly in the color yellow. On the evening of the holiday itself, the streets around Ratchadamnoen and Sanam Luang are closed to traffic and thousands of people take to the streets.

However, for anyone in town not familiar with HM the King’s birthday and the intermittent week-long holiday associated with it, you may get a slight ‘Twilight Zone’ twitch when you notice everyone but yourself wearing pink shirts and randomly throwing lit firecrackers into the street. It’s just another of the awesomely quirky things about Thailand (much like being caught on the BTS train here at 0800 or 1800 each day, when everyone simply stops moving — they just stop — for the duration of the Thai National Anthem).

Since the King’s actual birthday fell on a Saturday this year, the official state holiday was yesterday (7 December), while Constitution Day, another public holiday, is this Thursday (10 December) to commemorate the start of the constitution monarchy in 1932.

The result of all this is that it feels like a mixture of July 4th and Thanksgiving (back in the States) — there’s essentially a 2-day work week, with most people not even going that far. So it’s relatively quiet here in Bangers right now. It’s a welcome change of pace, and it’s another reminder of why Bangkok is such a great place to live.

**

Although I’ve cut down on my publication of posts here over the past 6-8 months, it doesn’t mean I stopped writing entirely. To the contrary, I’ve probably been writing more, albeit more personal works not really suited for mass consumption (and subsequent regurgitation).

However, by both choice and necessity I’m settling down to (what I hope will be) a long term commitment here in Bangkok. I’m also becoming re-acclimated with the concept of living like most everyone else does — getting a job, getting an apartment, going to work, going to the gym, paying bills, hopefully one day accidentally getting shot in the head during a daring daytime robbery attempt — you know, the normal stuff.

That being said, I’ve found myself inside and on the computer much more than I have been in recent memory. Similarly, I’ve worn a suit and shoes probably more during the past 10 days than I have during the last 4 years combined. Honestly, I will always prefer sandals to closed-toe shoes, but I can’t say I don’t like the change more than just a little bit.

The whole “ex-lawyer surfer bum” thing does get old from time to time. And dressing like a grown-up again has also reminded me of just HOW MANY TIMES I’ve reinvented myself during the 5 years alone — which I sorta started writing about last month en route back to the States for 2 weeks. So I thought I’d put it up here (not that anyone’s really still reading this shit anyway).

** Yeah, the picture has absolutely nothing to do with this. I just like the idea of a polar bear taking a piss in a public bathroom.

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I’ve just started reading Sean Wilsey’s autobiography, “Oh The Glory Of It All.” From what I can tell from the first 100 pages or so, it’s not the most compelling of reads, despite the columns of many corporate shills professing otherwise. However, the way I figure it, I’m going to be spending the majority of the next two (2) days in the air (which I am now, en route from Saigon to Hong Kong), so I’ll have some free time on my hands to read.

At the outset, Wilsey goes through great pains to describe his parents and their history. What I find personally remarkable about them is how, although his parents took different paths, joined up briefly, and ultimately wound up in different places, they both seemed to have lived multiple lives. Both Wilsey’s mother and father were each married four (4) times. They each seemed to have separate families dating from different times in their lives. And they were both masters of reinvention.

It’s an issue I’m dealing with right now, actually. I’m leaving Asia, and heading back to the States, for the first time in a couple years. America is the country of my birth. It’s where I was raised. And where I was schooled. And it’s where I lived my entire life, up until just a few years ago. But going back now, it seems like a lifetime ago.

Although I’m still relatively young, I feel like I’ve already lived several lives at this point — Philly, Arizona, Alaska, Oregon, San Diego, California, Florida … geek, student, fisherman, slacker, law student, attorney, surfer, rebel. I’ve changed and altered myself almost every time I’ve moved that I can barely recognize those prior person(s). My latest, and most public, persona is what now lingers.

But I feel it turning. I have been for a while now. A new persona is needed mainly because I need money, and I need full-time work again. But, as I’ve mentioned several times over the course of the past year, it’s also because my current lifestyle is losing the appeal it once held for me. And my desire for change is metastasizing more each day. If things work out the way I hope they do, I can finally see the next reinvention — more than just the amorphous ‘need’ I’ve voiced previously.

I’m back in Bangkok. Again. And I’m just really glad to be here right now. The trip back to the States, while allowing me to see some great friends and family that I’ve not seen for a while (or, in couple cases, at all in person), was more of a shock to my system than I thought it’d be.

I felt nervous and anxious for most of the trip back, although I’m not quite sure why. Regardless, now that I’m back in Asia, I feel comfortable, more at ease again. Relaxed. I just really can’t explain how nice it feels being back here, with the beautiful weather, the great (and cheap) Thai food, and my other “family” and friends.

I still need a job (REALLY need a job). And I don’t want to jinx things, or else this entire life may come to a screeching halt. But suffice to say, I’m having one of those weeks that you’d hope to recreate over and over for the rest of you life.

Which brings me to my next thought — music. There’s a reason the Beatles were “The Beatles” — while some of their music is admittedly dated, other songs are fairly timeless. The following is one of the latter. It’s probably one of my favorite Beatles songs and it’s WAY before it’s time (indeed, there’s a Chemical Brothers remix/mashup that sounds like it could be released now). Plus, it just suits how I’m feeling this week.

Now listen, turn off your mind, relax and float downstream …

So, it’s been a whole year since I moved to Bali. Looking back, I can still (barely) remember my reasoning for doing so:

At the time, I was basing myself out of Bangkok, but throughout the extensive (Northern Hemisphere) summer, I was only staying there 2-3 weeks every other month and spending most of my other time jockeying around the Indonesian archipelago, looking for surf.

It was costing my heaps of money in terms of running back and forth to Bangkok for visa runs, to pick up clothes, pay bills, and other random crap. Plus, at the time, there were no inexpensive direct flights from Bangkok to Bali (which Air Asia now has), and I was spending additional moneys heading through Kuala Lumpur, Jakarta, and elsewhere — most of the time heading to, or through, Bali for surf supplies before heading to another destination.

So, although I had never been a fan of Southern Bali (the over-commercialized center of the Indonesian tourist/surf scene), I decided to give it a go in the hopes the island would grow on me — I’d practice my Indonesian, be able to surf on a more regular basis, and save some much needed money.

One year later and, despite all I’ve learned in terms of Indonesian culture, the international surf scene, and my own surfing abilities … I am, quite possibly, less of a fan of Bali than I was before I moved here last year.

The main reason for that is (apparently) indicated in the Taylor Steele movie I referenced in my last post — now that I’ve been here and I’ve been able to get a feel for some areas still untouched by tourism, it puts into sharp contrast the tourist nightmare that exists everywhere else on the island. And the greed, crowds, and incongruous stress that has become indicative of life here.

It used to be a lovely island, a tropical paradise. But no longer. That era is long gone.

It’s getting far too tiring to live here. The positives no longer outweigh the negatives. And it’s time for me to go.

For the uninitiated, Thailand has been engulfed by political turmoil in the form of “colored shirt” protests which have been taking place, on and off, for the better part of three (3) years.

The protests took an ugly turn this week when Thai military troops cracked down on rioting protesters from the anti-government “red shirt” group. Now, in the latest news, the leader of the rival ‘yellow shirt’ faction was gunned down yesterday:

BANGKOK (AP) — The founder of Thailand’s “yellow shirt” protest movement that shut down Bangkok airports last year was shot and wounded in an assassination attempt Friday, just days after troops cracked down on rioting protesters from the rival, anti-government “red shirt” group. Sondhi Limthongkul was in stable condition after surgery that removed a bullet from his skull.

Thai authorities have just released the following photo of a suspect in the shooting.

Despite the mask, police have tentatively identified the gunman as one John “Ham” Burglar. Mr. Burglar has a long criminal history — mostly limited to petty theft of various fast food items — and is presumed to be armed and dangerous.

We will keep you apprised of the situation as events unfold.

P.S. This is the maid speaking.

First off, Akismet has caught 119,277 spammer comments for me since I installed it on this site about a year ago. I’d like to thank all you spammer ass-munches for keeping the good people at Akismet in business … and educating me all about the wonderful world of Russian porn.

Second, I’m heading out to Vietnam today for a couple weeks. I’ll be making my way overland from Bangkok — first, by train through the eastern part of central Thailand to Ubon Ratchathani, then by bus to Mukdahan, where I can cross over into Savannakhet, Laos.

Then, I’ll then make my way across central-southern Laos to the Laos/Vietnam border at Lao Bao, Vietnam. From there, I plan on making my way to Khe Sanh, then over to Hue, and finishing up in Da Nang (from where I’ll probably fly back to Bangkok).

I should have internet access intermittently, and may be updating from the road about the trip. Hope everyone stays well.

I am not partial to goodbyes.

That being said, however, I’m also not quite like those who never allow new people into their lives for fear they will soon experience the pain of having them leave. But after traveling so much, and meeting so many wonderful people, I can at least understand where they’re coming from in that regard.

One of the biggest problems socially about Bangkok — much how it was back in Miami Beach — is that it’s essentially a transitional place for most of the foreigners here.

I really haven’t much room to complain, considering I’m a cause of the problem as much as anyone — moving back and forth throughout Asia, the first words usually out of the mouths of my friends is not so much a ‘Hello,’ as it is ‘Hey! You’re back!‘

Unlike many falangs here, however, I’ve had the incredibly good fortune to meet a group of ‘Bangkokians’ born and raised here, who will probably stay (or at least return) here again and again. While incredibly fortunate, they (and I, of course) also take in, and give back, friends whom are here on short term work contracts, on long-term holiday or, more often than not, simply passing through.

Yes, it’s difficult finding the energy to attach yourself firmly to so many new people over and over. But for me, at least, many of these folks are just so incredible that I usually find myself growing attached to them despite myself.

And then they still leave.

I know this. And it sucks. For better or worse, this has made it easier for me to compartmentalize my relationships — they are great while in the midst of them, but once over, I’ve grown accustomed to moving on. More often than not, I do so out of sheer necessity, since it seems there are always 2-3 new people heading into the social circle … from Sweden, or Germany, or Australia, or wherever.

Today is one of those transitional days for me.

Last night we held the final celebration (which ran until 5:00 a.m. today) in what was essentially a 2-week long ‘going away party’ for one of the irreplaceable linchpins in my tightly-knit circle of Bangkok friends — tomorrow she will be returning back to her home in Australia (we probably would have burned the plane ticket had it not been issued electronically).

She is probably the most genuinely nice person I have ever met. A truly selfless person. She has consistently been a friend to me for reasons I still cannot fathom. And she will be missed.

So I’ve got this really bad problem about not being able to sleep-in late when I’ve got a hangover. Which explains why I’m writing a blog post at 7 a.m. Saturday morning after only a few hours of sleep and with a pounding headache.

Yeah, my pain is your pain, fuckers.

It’s pretty comical (well, not in any kind of “ha-ha” way) in that when I’m in Indonesia, I really don’t go out at all, I eat healthy, I sleep well, I surf and do my yoga regularly. So I stay pretty even keeled.

But literally my first full night back in Bangkok, I’m drinking, smoking, clubbing, and finding dead hookers in my bed generally having a mess of things.

I love it here, I really do. But if I stay too long, I’ll probably be dead by next Thursday — my liver and lungs ruined, and my kidneys in the possession of some Dutch guy who bought them on the black market for 5000 baht.

You guys know that’s just a joke, right? Thailand’s not really not that crazy (well, sorta … ish).

I know the title of this post is probably one that will be, or has already been, used many times this week, but really … WHAT THE FUCK?

After months of (in my opinion) useless demonstrations, things have been taken to a whole other level of insanity. Specifically, the anti-government group People’s Alliance for Democracy (PAD) has been leading protests against the government since May, accusing the government of being a front for ousted former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, and protesters surrounded the parliament building on Monday, forcing lawmakers to postpone their session.

Now, according to the latest from CNN:

Blasts at two Bangkok airports wounded four people early Wednesday, triggering the closure of the main international airport, authorities said.

The explosions come a day after thousands of anti-government protesters stormed the airports to protest the return of Thai Prime Minister Somchai Wongsawat from the APEC summit in Peru.

One blast occurred at Suvarnabhumi Airport at 5 a.m. (2200 Tuesday GMT), an airport official said. One person was wounded in that attack.

Continued protests caused authorities to cancel all incoming and outgoing flights there.

I know I kid a lot, but this is really fucked up — especially considering it’s taking place in a Bhuddist country (and somewhere I called home as recently as last week).

For the first time in a while, I’m glad to be anywhere BUT Bangkok right now. All I can do now is hope for quick and non-violent outcome, and of course that all my friends in Thailand emege from this unscathed … soon!

(Yours truly — sporting the latest)

สักยันต์ – Sak Yant; Sak – meaning “to tap” or, “to tattoo”, and Yant, meaning “Yantra”. Originally derived from the Sanskrit word “YANTRA”.

Through some sort of Google ‘search engine magic’, this site — and, in particular, the posts HERE, HERE and HERE — has become some sort of pseudo-authority on the sacred Bhuddist art of ‘Sak Yant’ tattooing.

The bad news is that, as I stated in the comment section of one post:

Just to set the record straight, I pretty much know jack-shit about EVERYTHING.

My admitted stupidity notwithstanding, people STILL continue to be directed here by the search-engine gods in their quest for knowledge about Sak Yant. My apologies, everyone.

The good news, however, is that I too know know how to use Google to find ACTUAL authorities on the subject of Sak Yant tattoos and have posted links in my above-referenced posts to ACTUAL sak yant authories. Moreover, one of my best friends in Bangkok actually did a video piece for the Bangkok Post (see below) about Arjan Noo, one of the best know Say Yant artists in the — having given Angelina Jolie her well-publicized sak yant tattoos.

The other good news is that there has also been some faily interesting information posted by visitors in the commentary of my posts, including this latest comment by ujalakali:

I have a sak yant tattoo and I am a woman. I made a kind of pilgrimage to bkk to get it done. actually, i would have gone to anyone, but ended up at arjan noo’s to get it done in the belief that women cannot be touched by monks–which arjan noo is not.

later a westerner with plentiful sak yant told me that some bkk temples will put sak yant on women.

here is my experience:
I only have one and was not allowed to choose it. this is important! i think you often dont really get to choose. you tell them what is going on with you (i was on my way to afghanistan so i recieved the protection yant) and they give you the one that is best. also, i felt that they strongly encouraged putting the yants in the classic places. AJ’s is in the normal place for a protection tattoo. they put mine in a slightly different place. they were very clear that they were not going to do anything on my lower back, even though i didn’t ask for such a thing. this was a clear rule.

one final thing–this is for real. everything changed for me after recieving the tattoo. come correct.

This is all I really know, that which is my experience–i dont know about the other yants and dont know what the experience is for men.

i have a question if anyone knows– are there rules explicit for women? as far as i can see the rules are mostly for men, so i just try to stay on the right path as i see it. but if there are ladies rules, i would love to know them! thanks!

As I mentioned in those comments:

… it’s my understanding that the ‘rules’ on Sak Yant (in general) is that you cannot have an actual image of the holy Buddha anywhere on your body, and that the yants themselves are not to be placed anywhere beneath the waistline (which, for obvious reasons, is considered unclean — that’s also the reason monks are not allowed to touch women, as they are alleged to be unclean … sorry girls, I’m just the messenger.

That being said, I can also advise all of you fellow tattoo enthusiasts (read: freaks) that obviously Arjan Noo himself does sak yants for women (although when I went for one, he charges foreigners — ‘falangs’ — about US$2,000.00 per, and presumably more if you’re a celebrity).

Further, there was also a Malaysian woman behind me to get inked at Wat Bang Phra when I got my first sak yant. I assume she eventually got one there, although I didn’t stick around to confirm it, and it’s my understanding that women there are only allowed to get ‘invisible tattoos’ made with vegetable oil instead of ink.

Again, what the hell do I know, right?

So for those of you still interested in more info, you can go to the appropriately named Sak-Yant.com — it has just about everything you may want to know on the subject.

And who can (or want to learn to) read Thai, here’s a link to Arjan Noo’s website — actually, there are a bunch of links there written in English also.

Last, but not least, there’s this: the VERY BEST news story you’ll ever see about the subject — where my buddy, Desho Bernard of the Bangkok Post (a.k.a. Guru Bangkok), went to do a story on Arjan Noo and got tattooed instead:

That is all … freaks.

I’m back in Seminyak. Bali. I had an incredible 3 weeks back in Bangkok — essentially ‘closing up shop’ and packing up the rest of my things in my Bangkok apartment to bring to my new place here in Bali.

But, as always, I was also able to visit and spend some time with my friends in Bangkok (whom we sorta affectionately call The ‘Bangkok Brat Pack’ — I’m Judd Nelson). And while it’s nice to back to an island pace, I already miss my friends in Bangers. I really can’t describe just HOW lucky I’ve been in meeting the people I have in the past couple years (and beforehand too). My friends in Bangkok are simply amazing people and I love them dearly. I don’t know what’s gonna happen if and when I ever have to return to the States. I really don’t.

But that time is (hopefully) some time away still. And I’m back in one of the most beautiful tropical paradises in the world. And I have friends here, as well. So my goal is to try to continue to enjoy myself as much as possibly in the midst of missing my Bangkok friends, and so much doom and gloom elsewhere.

On another note upon which I plan to expand later, I’ve recently been contacted on Facebook by a number of people I grew up with back in Philly. It’s both interesting and a bit disconcerting. I haven’t thought about many of these folks for a long time, and while it’s interesting, I’m not sure exactly how I feel about having to explaining myself all these people I left in the dust decades ago — especially considering I’ve been doing it here — publicly — for the past several years.

We’ll see how it unfolds. I’m going for a surf.

Sala-POW!!

(Via my buddy Desho at Guru Bangkok).