A Bowl of Stupid

So surf season here in Bali is lurching forward, one minor swell at a time. The winds have changed, the rains have stopped, the surf is picking up, and the entire island seems to be buzzing with a renewed energy.

Yet something else seems amiss.

Oh yeah, the start of surf season here in Bali also hearkens the onset of the annual Australian migration.

The rainy season here generally coincides with the Australian summer. So all of the Aussies are back home, drinking shitty beer, eating copious amounts of beef, feeling up livestock, and doing whatever the fuck else those people do on their own time.

But now that winter’s coming there, they’re coming here.

It’s not bad, really. It’s just a bit disconcerting to see so many of the same, nondescript, vapid, blond haired, blue eyed, Bintang shirt wearing surf-drones descending onto the island like swarms of locust.

I’ve not been here long enough to complain in paradise (altho I will … cuz that’s just what I do), but it really is a mixed blessing. It’s great to be rid of the rain and gloom and trash. And it’s awesome that we’re having consistently good surf again. And yes, it’s even really nice to have new blood in the mix again.

But Aussies? Do they all have to be Aussies?

Really? Sigh. Oh well, I suppose one’s gotta take the good with the bad.

Well then, we’d better amp up production of shitty beer, silly t-shirts, and ‘availible’ livestock — cuz they’re all gonna go fast!

P.S. This is the maid speaking.

I was off the grid traveling for a couple days. I’m back home in Bali now. The following was written in yet another airport departure lounge … this time in the Melbourne airport.

Well, I’m leaving Australia. After less than 2 weeks total.

I know, I know … I had initially planned on staying in Australia and/or New Zealand for at least a month, and possibly more. But a variety of factors took hold that have made returning to Asia much more appealing to me right now.

First, it was just really too expensive in Australia in comparison to Asia. I mean REALLY expensive. I think I spent more money in Oz in 10 days that I’ve spent in Asia in the past six (6) months … TOTAL. So there’s that.

Second, and more importantly, I may not be physically able to be ‘reintroduced into the world. ‘I’ve had so many ‘pseudo-anxiety attacks’ since I first got here that it’s not comical, even on a self-depricating one (which is saying something since I typically love making fun of myself as much as anyone). Honestly however, the sensory overload, even when I’ve been traveling by myself, has been simply overwhelming.

For example, my friends here (thanks to Nicole, Jenna and Thress for showing me such a great time in Melbourne) took me out, showed me around, and introduced me to some really great people.Yet after 10 days here, when I took the train for lunch in downtown Melbourne today (which isn’t nearly as pretentious as Sydney), I was still sufficiently freaked out by the whole experience. Now I know how it must feel for small-towners to visit New York for the first time.

Indeed, I felt much much better when I got back to the smaller, artsy beach area of St. Kilda, where I’ve been staying for the past couple of days. The trip downtown kinda reaffirmed my beleif in the concept of a collective consciousness — I just felt the stressful pace of all those people working and shopping and going to school in hustle of Melbourne’s downtown, which in turn stressed me out since I’m not on that same level.

I’m heading back to Bali for at least a week or two. We’ll see how the waves are, and then I’m heading onward again to see one of my best friends in Hong Kong for a bit. We’ll see how it unfolds.

You never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough.
~William Blake, Proverbs of Hell

Man, I’d forgotten just how delicious an emotion anger can be.

I’ve been working on managing my anger (and other emotions) through Buddhism, meditation, and yoga ever since I first got to Asia. I’ve been doing it for a variety of reasons — in Asia, it’s culturally unacceptable to get angry in public (i.e., everywhere), it’s generally healthier to focus your anger towards such positive outlets (i.e., yoga, surfing, etc.), and because I’m just generally trying to be a nicer, more mature person (i.e., I’m getting to the age where it’s just unbecoming to be angry).

But as I noted in a recent post, pushing those emotion too far away also has consequences. Like letting TOO many things slide without a fight. Like a failure to acknowledge when someone else has been mean or rude or reckless with you. Like diffusing the emotions so often that it becomes emasculating.

Right now, however, I’m over it. Now? I’m just mad. No, strike that — I’m fucking pissed off.

Man, it’s been a while since I’ve felt this way. And you know what? It feels good. Because it is rage justified. And anger fuels better decisions.

I don’t care if it renders my behavior immature, or surly, or what-the-fuck-ever other judgment call is thrown back at me. It’s unnatural to remain smooth, calm, and unaffected by the frustrations experienced in life. And if there’s no slack — either I’m too soft or I’m too surly — fuck it. it’s nice to be happily pissed off again, if only for an hour or two.

It reminds me of who I am, and that I’m still alive.

The sheer stupidity to which I sometimes live up to the title of this blog is staggering. And for how much insight I can often glean when reading people in how they deal with others, it is also staggering at just HOW wrong I usually am when I try to apply that same insight into my own life (the only reason I know is when people have told me months, or even years, after the fact).

But more distressful than either of those things is the fact that, even after all these years, I still sometimes pout like a little boy when things don’t go my way.

I’ve always been a brat, yes, that’s true. But I had conquered (or at least begun to master) the silly little temper tantrums I used to throw when things didn’t go my way.

But all this living alone, and doing everything I want, and going wherever I want, whenever and however I want — day in and day out for the last 3 years — has softened me up again to the point where I’ve forgotten how to deal with things, and people, when I DON’T get to do what I want. And I’ve returned to that place I was at when I was a stupid little boy — acting like a complete ass until I get my way.

It is not who I am. And, after a couple days reflection, I just want to beat myself about the head and neck with a handful of cocktail straws. But unfortunately, it’s something I need to deal with again.

For the moment, I’m too tired, and too angry with myself to explore — in words, at least — how best to deal with my apparent loss of maturity and self-control. And I’m hunkering down against a massive case of sensory overload and culture shock here in Sydney right now.

I really am a bit worried about how, and if, I’ll be able to readjust when I finally do return to the herd.

With that being said, I’m heading out of Sydney to visit friends in Melbourne for several days. Then I may stay with another friend in the small coastal town of Woolongong to get some surf, and try to clear my head a bit. Because it’s all just a bit much at the moment.

I’m in Coolangatta (Gold Coast), Queensland, Australia.

It’s been about 1 and one-half years now since the last time I was in a Western country. So yes, I am feeling very much like an Amish kid on vacation in the big city. But regardless, today was an absolutely awesome fuckin’ day:

• I am in an English speaking country again.
• I can drink water from the tap again (an added benefit, considering a bottle of water costs 3 freakin’ dollars).
• I’ve been hanging with my good friend all day again.
• I bought a sick new surfboard (a 6’4″ Darren Handley, cuz apparently surfboards are the ONLY things cheaper here than in Asia).
• I watched the Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast, the first stop of the 2009 ASP World Pro Surfing Tour.

And, most importantly:

• I ate real cheese for the first time in almost 2 years.

Yes, I’ve still got an extreme case of culture shock. But the cheese helped.

I like it here very much. I really do.

It’s 3:30 in the morning. I’m sitting in the Darwin airport in the midst of a 3 hour layover before my flight to Sydney.

It’s my first time out of Asia, and back into a western country (effectively), since October 2007 — almost 1.5 years ago.

In all my travels throughout Asia during the past few years, I’ve had to deal with stupid regulations that make no sense, security personnel willing to ‘bend’ immigration rules for the right amount of cash (typically no more than US$20), and all kinds of visas and security checks. But in all that time, despite the sometimes lengthy lines I’ve faced, I never had a problem with the system breaking down.

Until now. I swear, Irony will outlive us all.

I got to the airport here in Darwin about an hour ago. But their computer systems have been down all night, and they’ve been unable to process anyone through immigration all during that time.

It’s no skin off my (admittedly rather large) nose. The immigration folks have been exceptionally magnanimous about the whole situation. And My connecting flight isn’t for another few hours. But I find it incredibly ironic that the first time in almost 16 months that I come back through a ‘civilized’ country, and they can’t even get me through the front door.

Welcome back to the machine.

I’m back in Bali for a week or so before heading down to Australia for a while. I don’t know just how long I’m gonna be there, but I’m thinking in the 4-6 week range (depending on fundage).

Ironically, I’m having a pretty nice time here in Bali right now. The surf (although small) has been fun, the beaches are relatively clean, and the rainy season seems to have stopped (for now at least). Moreover, the same group of friends I was traveling with through Borneo last month are here. Which has made this week even better.

Like I mentioned, I head to Australia on Sunday — Gold Coast, Byron Bay, Sydney … and working my way down to Melbourne.

Once again, if anyone has any suggestions as to where I should / need to go along the Eastern Seaboard, please either comment or drop me a line — I’m always up for hitting great restaurants, towns, and (most importantly) surf spots!

Ever since I was in university, I’ve had glorious plans on visiting, or even moving to, the ‘Commonwealth of Australia.’

Indeed, one of my friends in Uni (actually a girlfriend of a friend) went to high school in ‘Oz’ and her stories about the place always evoked the grandest (albeit absurdly typical) visions in my head — the vast outback, long white beaches, and the great barrier reef.

It was always one of my primary goals to visit Oz when I first left the States for Asia. Hell, up until just a few weeks ago, that intent was still stated in the sidebar of this blog.

But somehow I just never got around to it — after reaching Asia I could never quite leave, and there are so many great Ozzies I’m friends with who either live or keep returning to Indonesia and Thailand that I never really needed to visit them on their home turf.

But finally.

Finally. Tonight I booked a ticket to Oz — I leave from Bali on the 6th of March, 2009.

My plan is to meet up with friends in Byron Bay, then down to Sydney, then back up to the Gold Coast, and then hopefully to visit a friend down in Melbourne.

I honestly don’t know if that schedule will hold up, nor do I really care at this point.

I understand it’s pretty expensive down there in comparison to Asia. And that the summer season is actually winding down a bit. And that, in many ways, it is very similar to the States.

But I really don’t care about those things right now.

I am truly excited again. Excited to be visiting friends. Excited to be going to some outstanding world-class surf spots. And overall, just excited to fulfill a dream that has been pending … left on hold … for so long now.

I’m finally going to Australia. Hell yeah!