Feb 19 2007
And The “Trainwreck Of The Year Award” Goes To …
We interrupt your regularly scheduled nonsense to bring you the "Trainwreck Of The Year" Award. And Ladies and gentlemen, this year the award goes to … Britney Spears.
She's Cajun! She's single! She's fabulous! And tonight, she'll be opening for "Sawyer Brown" down at The Sawmill!
Pictures of Brittney shaving her head made their way online over the weekend. Until now, I had refrained from mentioning anything about this redneck freak show for fear of compromising my journalistic integrity.
But at this point, an exception simply must be made. Upon returning from a stint at a rehab facility on the Caribbean island of Antigua last week, Britney immediately did what anyone in her situation would do — she got a tattoo, had an apparent emotional collapse, and shaved her head. Jesus H. Christ, who's running that rehab facility, Baby Doc Duvalier?
I owe an apology to Kevin Federline for all the derogatory remarks I've made about him. Well no, not really. He's still a fucking jackass. But bloody hell, who'd have ever believed that he was the stable one in the relationship? Since their divorce proceedings began, K-Fed has looked like a model citizen compared to Britney.
A cry for help? Maybe.
Surreal? You betcha.
Another lingering reminder of just why the South lost the Civil War? Abso-fucking-lutely.
This is the saddest thing I’ve seen since… well, I can’t think of it right now, but it sucks.
Trainwreck is absolutely the most accurate description.
The whole sad state of affairs brings tears to my eyes.
Tears of AWESOME.
I suspect her next attempt at mega-attention will be to have her crotch given the once over with hot Brazillian wax while the video tape rolls. It wil make her crotch world famous but she’ll still be the same pathetic train wreck. This is what happens when parents exercise absolute control over a kid before the kid goes out into the real world. She’s never had the opportunity to exercise self control or to get away from her narcissistic badass self. I cannot help but believe that britney spears wants to be the next anna nicole smith. For her kids’ sake, I hope she has a valid will.
It’s only a matter of time before Britney has a reality show detailing her increasingly wacked out life.