Before heading to Vietnam in January, I’m going to the place pictured above — Koh Lipe, Satun Province, Thailand.

Since I may be out of pocket for the next week or so diving, climbing and taking a break from my strenuous schedule, I’ll wish everyone a happy and healthy new year.

Peace and Namaskar.

Well, it’s already Christmas Eve out here in the Far East — which is quite the coincidence because Thailand is, of course, the birthplace of Christianity.

Celebrating this holiday spirit, and in keeping with what may or may not be a Bowl of Stupid Christmas tradition (I honestly can’t remember if I posted any videos the last 2 years, and I’m just too lazy to check), here are the three (3) best Christmas Songs ever recorded (by anyone other than Burl Ives):

Christmas Wrapping – The Waitresses (sorry, I couldn’t find the actual video, if any — here’s an annoying suburban Christmas light display instead)

The Kinks — Father Christmas

The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl — A Fairytale Of New York

(props to Kang for reminding me of this one)

Merry Christmas, everyone!!

Signed,
Your Second Favorite Heeb

On behalf of myself and our none-to-soon-to-be Commander In Chief, to those who actually celebrate (or just fake it, like everyone here in Asia), here’s wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, and/or Happy Kwanza. We here at the Bowl hope you all get whatever you’re looking for this holiday season.

And if you don’t, I suppose you could always just get really fucking high instead. Cheers!

That’s right … bros before hoes. Deal with it, sucka.

So I’ve got this really bad problem about not being able to sleep-in late when I’ve got a hangover. Which explains why I’m writing a blog post at 7 a.m. Saturday morning after only a few hours of sleep and with a pounding headache.

Yeah, my pain is your pain, fuckers.

It’s pretty comical (well, not in any kind of “ha-ha” way) in that when I’m in Indonesia, I really don’t go out at all, I eat healthy, I sleep well, I surf and do my yoga regularly. So I stay pretty even keeled.

But literally my first full night back in Bangkok, I’m drinking, smoking, clubbing, and finding dead hookers in my bed generally having a mess of things.

I love it here, I really do. But if I stay too long, I’ll probably be dead by next Thursday — my liver and lungs ruined, and my kidneys in the possession of some Dutch guy who bought them on the black market for 5000 baht.

You guys know that’s just a joke, right? Thailand’s not really not that crazy (well, sorta … ish).

Although I no longer have cable here in Bali, I’m still privy to some English-spoken advertisements circulating on local Indonesia television, including the one recently launched by Sony for their Bravia HD-TV, shot on location in the Indian states of Rajastan and Uttar Pradesh.

I absolutely love this video (which is essentially what it is) — not only for its stunning visuals (it takes viewers on a journey from a magnificent fort in Jaisalmer through the desert all the way to the Taj Mahal in Agra), but also for the splendid original music (composed in Singapore at Song Zu and recorded by Rob Barbato, from the indie L.A. band Darker My Love).

This is one of those things that, because the spot was developed by Sony Asia in and for the Pan-Asia region, I’m not sure if it’s in rotation back in the States. If not, here’s the spot (HD version here):

The spot has generated a lot of interest here in Asia, and now making the rounds online at YouTube is the “Making Of” behind-the-scenes documentary. I suggest you check them both out — this is some really great work.

(Via The Inspiration Room, which has even more information and production notes)

According to their website:

Helping Hands: Monkey Helpers for the Disabled is a national nonprofit serving quadriplegic and other people with severe spinal cord injuries or mobility-impairments by providing highly trained monkeys to assist with daily activities.

I’m sorry to be a dick about this — I know it’s a really good cause and there are a whole bunch of disabled people who benefit from this program, but after my initial desire to get one of these furry little fuckers for myself, my very next thought was:

Isn’t this how “Planet of the Apes” started? (not the stupid Tim Burton version, though).

Yes, these monkeys look all cute and cuddly now. Yes, they provide substantive and broad-based assistance to quadriplegic individuals. Yes, it’s a unique concept using a trained monkey to run the country help disabled folks and all. Sure, it would finally provide the perfect cover for when I buy adult diapers. (Err … forget that last one).

But can’t you people see? — this is all part of their master plan!!

First the monkeys have us bring them into our homes. Then they start stealing our peanut butter, and the next thing you know they’re performing human brain surgery … all in the name of simian survival.

Some of you probably think I’m overreacting, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?

Hehe – hehe …maybe I am. But when the revolution comes and you’re being led around on a leash, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

I’m sure that, by the time I get to it, this story will already be old news all over the interwebs … but fuck it, it’s still one of the funniest stories to come out in recent months:

An Iraqi reporter set off pandemonium Sunday by hurling two shoes at President Bush during a news conference that was the centerpiece of his secret goodbye visit.

The president successfully ducked both throws. Photos show him with his head down near the top of the podium. The embarrassing incident marred a visit meant to show off the improved conditions since the troop “surge” dramatically reduced casualties to U.S. troops.

“This is a gift from the Iraqis. This is the farewell kiss, you dog,” the journalist shouted (in Arabic), Steven Lee Myers of The New York Times reported in a pool report to the White House press corps.

Myers reported that the man threw the second shoe and added: “This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq.”

When I first heard about this, I actually thought it was a fake article from the latest series on ‘Bush Mishaps’ in The Onion. But then I saw this video. Gentlemen, start your poetic justice …

Man, you couldn’t make up something this funny! Oh wait, maybe you can.

I was just thinking it may be about time for me to go back to the States for a visit.

Yeah, not so much.

I’ve mentioned this here before, and during the past month or so, it’s been bothering me more and more often.

Yes, there are a great many (obvious) perks that come with not having a job and living off of savings in the bowels of Southeast Asia — surfing, eating, and waiting for the day when it’s both practical and fiscally sound to return to the real world (given the state of the current financial crisis that has expanded into almost Biblical proportions, I still don’t think that time has yet arrived).

But there is a huge downside to the whole no working, surfer bum, ‘drop out‘ thing — it sometimes feels that I have absolutely no purpose but to sit around and wait a seemingly ever-increasing amount of time for the next surf and/or yoga session.

Some deeper part of me knows this is just a phase I go through when there’s no surf for an extended period of time (in the movie Riding Giants, Laird Hamilton compared it to being a dragon slayer when there are no dragons). And I also know that I’m better off seeing the reality of not having any true purpose, rather than still being one of the multitude confounded by the illusion of purpose.

It took me 10 years to realize that 90% of the work I did in my prior life as a lawyer — brokering money between wealthy people — contributed nothing to the world, or to my soul. A vapid, soulless existence.

I sometimes feel I’m descending into that same void again — contributing and doing virtually nothing with my life.

On the bright side, I can at least see it for what it is. But it doesn’t make things any easier. In fact, it may be worse in some respects.

I’m in the midst of living out a dream — doing exactly what I wanted to do right now. But I’m still bored, and restless, and I’m getting tired of living this way — where every day is exactly the same.

I used to live in the University City area of San Diego when I was in law school. In our particular neighborhood, the Naval Air Station (now Marine Corps Air Station) Miramar — where the movie ‘Top Gun’ was based — was only 1-2 kilometers away from us, separated only by the 805 freeway.

I actually got to tour the facilities (including their gazillion dollar flight simulator). It was, and still is, an amazing place staffing some really talented people. No shit, I’m not really a military hawk anymore, but in my opinion, the entire Air Station is a testament to the necessary military advances that can be accomplished with enough skill, education, and funding.

We would rejoice whenever the Air Show came into town, since the Blue Angels would use the park at the end of our block as a visual point, and they would scream right over our house at tree-top levels — so close that we were actually able to wave back and forth with the pilots.

The obvious downside was that we would have to deal with fighter aircraft jet engines drowning out whatever activities we would otherwise be engaged in (i.e., horse-shoes, drinking, and an occasional study session).

Often, the jets would come — what we considered to be — perilously close to our homes. Thankfully, due to the unwavering skills of the pilots and crew, there were never any accidents until now:

LOS ANGELES (AFP) – Two people were killed and two others missing after a US F/A-18 fighter jet slammed into a densely populated residential neighborhood in California on Monday, officials said.

The accident occurred shortly before 7am (AEDT) when the two-seater plane spiraled out of control and crashed into two homes in the University City suburb of San Diego, officials said.

First off, I really, really, REALLY hope this occurred nowhere near my old house — where my law school roommate still lives. I am also tremendously sorry for the persons killed and I hope their families will come through thus okay. I also have sympathy for the pilot, since my guess is that this will haunt him for some time to come.

Finally, I sincerely hope that, in this age of ‘blame’, people won’t lose their heads about this accident and the location and role of stateside military installations — especially in Southern California, where they not only play a huge role in the local culture, but also have managed to provide some of the only environmental preserves still separating Los Angeles from San Diego (and the vast suburban sprawl that has choked out all other land in SoCal).

Ever since I was in law school, every purported boxing fan who knew just enough to get by, but not quite enough to understand the intricacies of the sport have told me that Oscar ‘The Golden Boy’ De La Hoya was their fucking idol. Yeah, what-the-fuck-ever …

Admittedly, De La Hoya has had some skillz. He was well trained from an early age (coming from a longtime fighting family), which eventually translated into an Olympic gold medal and ten world titles in six different weight classes. No small feat.

But more telling than his record is the fact that, as a handsome, clean-cut corporate sweetheart, De La Hoya has generated more money than any other boxer in the history of the sport. And in the ‘incorruptible’ world of professional boxing, this too is no small feat.

Moreover, critics have knocked De La Hoya throughout his entire career for lacking aggression, and his pre-bout antics are quite often more entertaining that the bouts themselves — which often devolve into clinics on ‘lifestyle maintenance.’

While not stating anything overtly about his ‘interesting’ pro record (the Mayweather split-decision and the ABSURD Sturm middleweight WBO title decision among others), and also not discounting his recent victory against a contestant on television’s boxing reality show, ‘The Contender’, I’m baffled as to how De La Hoya STILL manages to be such a HUGE box office (and pay per view) draw.

Because of this oxymoronic nature of De La Hoya’s career, I was pleased — although not shocked — to read about the results of the much heralded December 6th bout between him and Filipino hero, Manny Pacquiao (the TRUE golden boy):

LAS VEGAS (AP) — Manny Pacquiao fought a lot bigger than he looked. Oscar De La Hoya simply looked old. Pacquiao dominated his bigger and more famous opponent from the opening bell Saturday night, giving De La Hoya a beating and closing his left eye before De La Hoya declined to come out of his corner after the eighth round.

De La Hoya’s left eye was closed shut as he sat on his stool after the eighth round and the ring doctor, referee and his cornermen discussed his condition.

The fight was so lopsided and De La Hoya looked so inept that it could spell the end for boxing’s richest and most marketable star.

It’s about fucking time.

Again, admittedly, De La Hoya’s retirement will probably do nothing to change the underlying nature of professional boxing. Nor will De La Hoya cease to get rich off of the de-evolution of the sport (he, together with fellow ex-boxers Bernard Hopkins and Shane Mosley, owns ‘Golden Boy Productions’ — one of the largest combat sport promotional firms in the world). But at least this chapter of his career is over.

Yeah, he may be rich … and I may just be hating … but I gotta tell ya’ — it’s good to know that De La Hoya got the shit beat out of him as he sets off on that long, slow road to the middle.

P.S. Also a good read about the hype vs. reality that professional boxing has become, go read this great piece by Kevin Iole on Yahoo! Sports: “Boxing hype finally reaching the 21st century.”

(Via Failblog.org)

So apparently, the Bushies are at it again, doing the only thing they’ve ever been good at doing — running a false propaganda campaign.

A few days ago, Stephen Hayes of The Weekly Standard discussed what is being dubbed “The Bush Legacy Project”, stating that those involved are “looking at how to sort of roll out the president’s legacy.”

In other words, as Chez put it:

“[T]he revisionists are trying to rewrite history, or at the very least spin it deftly enough so that Bush doesn’t in fact wind up looking like what he is: the worst president this country has ever seen.”

Jeeee-suz! Didn’t these numnuts learn anything from Ronald Reagan’s post-Presidency spin machine? You’re supposed to wait until AFTER you disclose your guy had early onset dementia before you start painting him as the next coming of Christ.

After the dementia press-release. AFTER!!

Okay, so could someone please tell me which is worse:

1. Signing on for a sweet gig writing movie and music reviews on one of the best entertainment websites online today (yeah, I’m not above pandering …), and then getting assigned to review Britney Spears’ latest piece of shit CD.

or,

2. Donating millions to win a long, hard fought and historic Presidential campaign — and then getting tapped again for even MORE money after your candidate wins, just to pay off the US$7.5 million debt from the rival candidate’s failed presidential bid?

Yep, that’s a tough one, but I’m gonna have to go with the Britney Spears review, too. It’s only money, right?

UPDATE: Apparently TK actually VOLUNTEERED to review the Britney album. So that takes him out of the ‘unlucky’ category (like the Obama donors), and moves him into the ‘dumb as a box of rocks’ category — for which he’s entitled to no sympathy votes. Sorry kid.