A Bowl of Stupid

I’m back in Bangkok. God, it feels so good just to write that out.

Admittedly, it’s not like I’ve got all that much to do in the first place, but I’ve accomplished so much in just the past several days that I just really enjoy being back. I’m in Bangkok … and I’m loving it.

• I’ve resolved all the online banking and money issues with which I was dealing while surfing in the bowels of Southern Sumatra.
• I’ve spoken and/or emailed with most everyone I had neglected during the past month (most importantly, the parentals).
• I’ve FINALLY purchased new clothes needed to replace most of those I originally brought with me from the States that were either lost, destroyed, or no longer fit — I’ve lost about 10 more pounds since I left, and all of my clothes are about 2,000 sizes too big (my waist size has dropped from 36 to 30 inches).
• I’ve gorged myself on the seemingly endless supply of great diverse food to be found here in Bangkok — Mexican, American, Italian, Thai — as long as it does NOT include rice in any shape or form (I ate nothing but rice in Indo, and I need a few weeks break).
• I’ve stocked up with a nice selection of pirated DVD’s of all the latest movies (by the way, the new ‘Iron Man’ movie fucking ROCKS!!)
• And, most importantly, I’ve been to the local massage parlor (not THAT kind, you freaks) about 200 times during the past week. My muscles are fully recovered from the one month of almost nonstop surfing, and my back has been cracked up more times than Chris Rock in ‘New Jack City.’

Now, all I have left to do is get the electricity turned back on in the apartment (the local electric company turns it off only 2-3 days after the bill is overdue). It’s been several days now, because I just today (Saturday) figured out how and where to pay the bill, which is written entirely in Thai.

It’s a small price to pay, tho. I’ve got an extra battery for my laptop, and the local coffee shop has free wireless AND air conditioning. Nice.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got an appointment, and the girls at ‘Mama Sans’ hate to be kept waiting.

* The title of this post, for the unaffiliated (i.e., anyone OTHER than that musical idiot-savant, TK) is taken from a Sufjan Stevens song.

[Originally transcribed: 12/04/08]

It’s funny, I’m here in Sumatra — between surf sessions — and the amazing sitar playing of Anoushka Shankar came up on my iTunes during a random shuffle. Even now, after all the shit I went through in India, listening to this Punjabi music STILL fills me with a vague, if not altogether sane, desire to visit India again.

Luckily for me, I’ve already been there (at least briefly), so I can separate that romanticized sitar-filled vision of India with the India of reality.

Yes, I still dislike the contemptible, toga-laden ‘drippy-hippies’ I met who were seeking out the India of their dreams. Yes, I still think India itself is an overcrowded and over-polluted cesspool. Yes, I still equate the entire country with the wrenching agony I suffered in the clutches of the Dengue Fever.

However, for possibly the first time since before I first left for Sri Lanka and India last November, I can empathize with these knuckle-dragging simpletons in drag — albeit on only a slighter, more sane level.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had a chance to just sit back, relax, and get in some halfway decent surf sessions during the past couple weeks. Maybe enough time has passed to mellow my views on the country. Maybe it’s my new diet of virgins’ blood and truffled chocolates.

Whatever. It’s actually kinda nice to look back at India with a ‘bit’ less disgust. Now, if I can just hold out until November 2, maybe I’ll be able to do the same with respect to the United States … but I ain’t holding my breathe.

[Yours truly, waiting patiently at the Air Asia counter in the Singapore airport]

Okay, so here’s the thing — I hate planning return flights just because they tend to lead to confusion or unnecessary complications 1-2 months after the plans were initially made. Case in point:

I just spent a month surfing in the relative back-country of southern Sumatra, living ‘for the moment’ with no full-time electricity, no indoor plumbing, and little regard for the future or the past. And then, all of a sudden, I get wrenched back to reality with the realization that I have a schedule to keep — flights to make, places to go, and the like. It all gets very complicated very fast.

I came and planned on returning via airplane from Sumatra through Jakarta (a necessity since no planes fly directly to Bandar Lampung from anyplace other than Jakarta). Then, when I got to Jakarta, I had a return flight through Singapore solely for the purpose of picking up my other piece of luggage to bring it back with me to my new home in Bangkok.

So, the trip was ostensibly to be — from Krui to Bandard Lampung to Jakarta to Singapore to Bangkok.

Following so far? Okay, that makes one of us.

Things started off alright, but it all went sideways somewhere in the skies over Singapore. It was only then that I realized I had neither remembered nor written down anywhere the information about my return flight from Singapore to Bangkok. Given the number of airlines I’ve traveled with over the recent months, I couldn’t even remember which AIRLINE I was on. The only thing I could (or at least THOUGHT I could) remember was that I had an overnight stay in Singapore.

With that theory doggedly lodged in my cranium, I took my time getting things done when I got to Singapore at about 2:00 yesterday afternoon. Rather than take a taxi, I gave myself some extra time on a shuttle bus, stopped at a Burger King for much needed red meat, and then relaxed at a coffee shop down the street from my old apartment on Robertson Quay — waiting before I finally had to find a hotel for the night.

During that time, I also tried to find out what flight I was on today — trying via email, SMS, and finally waiting on the telephone with Thai Air, JetStar Air, Air Asia, and finally … Tiger Air.

Of course, being the last airline i called, I was booked to fly out of Singapore on Tiger Air. THAT DAY. AT 6:00 P.M. IN ONE HOUR.

D’oh!!!

I hustled as best I could to make the flight. I grabbed the first cab I found, gave the driver an extra S$10 for getting me there in 15 minutes rather than the typical 30 minutes. I got my surfboard out of the left luggage at Terminal 1 to bring it with me via another taxi to the Tiger Air counter at the ‘Budget Terminal’ 2 terminals away.

And, of course, I missed my flight. To take the next flight on Tiger Air, which offers non-refundable tickets, would have cost me about US$500.00.

For those of you that know me personally, I’ll leave it to you to guess of my response to that offer.

I considered the option of staying in town, as I had originally planned. After learning of GREATLY inflated hotel rates due to an international food festival being held in Singapore this week, I decided to try to get a flight out later that night.

Singapore and Thai Air assured me they could do it for the bargain basement price of US$800.00. I briefly considered flying back to Los Angeles, which was about the same price, but then I saw that Hilliary Clinton won the Pennsylvania primary and I decided to wait until after 2 November before even considering a return back to the States.

Instead, I checked at the Air Asia counter, which had 2 more flights heading out to Bangkok that night. I booked passage for me and my surfboards (almost the price of another ticket) on the later one leaving at 10:20 p.m. for about US$150.00.

Grand total I spent extra for being stupid enough to forget my airline, my flight number, and my flight DAY — including taxis, shuttles, baggage storage and transit fees (and the US$30.00 ‘exit fee’ I got jacked for by an immigration official in Jakarta), I put it at a rough estimate of about US$350.00.

That was one HELL of an expensive cup of coffee. Man, given this type of stellar intellect, sometimes I’m amazed I’ve made it this far.

[Me -- Karang Nyimbor, Krui, Sumatra, Indonesia]

P.S. It’s not the best picture, the best wave, or the best ride (I’m just digging the rail on that log of mine as hard as I can), but you get the idea.

P.P.S. Suck it, Brooke.

The drive to Bandar Lampung (BL) was actually quite pleasant in my perspective (One of the nice side effects of having survived the CRAZY traffic of India and Sri Lanka is that anything short of careening down the road pitched over on 2 wheels like Bo & Luke Duke seems like a walk in the park).

We got into BL just after dark, and headed straight to the only steak place in town — another outside dining place where they cook steaks, ribs, and chicken over an open pit BBQ right on the sidewalk. I got 1 order of ribs and 1 order of steak, as did each of the other 3 guys I was with. Total cost (including drinks, chips, and veggies) = appx. US$12.

Gotta love that exchange rate (or at least what’s left of it).

After dinner, we headed back to the Hotel Pacific, where I enjoyed A/C and cable TV for several hours before passing out at about 0200 a.m., ready to start running errands the next morning.

Yes, even perfection can get tiresome when not taken in moderation.

I honestly don’t know how those professional surfers (and many amateurs) can stay in the water surfing for 6, 7 or even 8 hours a day for weeks on end. Luckily, I had a some great quality time here in the water with absolutely fantastic conditions and a low body count in the water (pictures to come).

But after a couple of weeks going out for several hours a day, my shoulders were constantly aching from all the paddling, my chest was (and still is) bruised from laying on the board so much, and I was just generally waterlogged.

So I hitched a ride with Andy (the owner of the Karang Nyimbor Hotel) to Bandar Lampung for some shopping, to get money from a working ATM machine (which I did), and to simply take a break from paradise for a couple days.

The morning we left, I went out for a quick paddle, hoping to get a few good waves in the swell that came in overnight. It was great — I paddled out easily, missing the set waves, got to the lineup just in time for a set, caught a screamer for a few hundred meters, paddled back around and did the same thing twice more.

Total time in the water: about 10 minutes. It was short, but it was the most satisfying session I had in a week — much how I like my sex (for any hotties reading, I’m just kidding; for everyone else, yah, not so much).

Then we headed into town – a 4-5 hour drive one way, up and down and around the mountains of southern Sumatra. It’s a beautiful place, hardly touched but for the occational coffee plantations, rice patties, or small mountain village.

I’m still here surfing in Krui, Sumatra. There have been a couple nice swells that pushed through, providing for some long and tiring sessions over the past week. Nothing much to report after that, other than that I continue to have a GREAT time – I continue to work on my surfing skills (never all that great to begin with, but getting better with each passing day, month, and year), and I got a pretty fucking sweet stand-up barrel this morning in the last of the latest swell.

It’s days, weeks, and months like this that make me wonder how the hell ANYONE can sit behind a desk for 8-10 hours a day and still retain any semblance of his or her humanity.

Come out and play, you guys — you will NOT regret it.

(A picture taken of the break last year in front of the Karang Nyimbor Hotel — where I’m staying in Southern Sumatra)

I’m torn between my desire to detail for those interested in visiting the Krui area of Sumatra (where I currently am), and my desire to just talk about my own shit (like usual). So I’ll compromise and do a little bit of both.

There are several breaks in the Krui area — comprised of an exposed beach and reef that has good, reliable surf all throughout the dry season of March through October. One of the best features of the area is that it’s one of the only places in Indonesia that has some decent right-handed breaks (Indonesia is known as ‘land of the lefts’).

As noted previously, I am staying about an hour south of Krui town, in a small fishing village called Ujung Bocur. The entire area is an absolutely idyllic tropical setting.

When it’s working properly, the wave here (a.k.a. Sumatra’s longest left) is a quality long point reef. It’s a long, walled up wave with three connecting sections that breaks on all tides and provides some amazing rides of up to 1/2 a kilometer long.

Unfortunately, I’ve had only a few truly decent days of surf in the past week — it was initially a bit inconsistent due to a cyclone that was sitting off the northwestern coast of Australia (Cyclone Pancho — and no, I’m not kidding about the name).

As noted previously, there are several other minor issues with the area — all of which have been EASILY outweighed by only one (1) awesome day in the surf. The biggest issue is that, although there are some amazing surf spots all up and down the coast, most are very far apart, requiring a lot of time on the road, and you need to get to them before the afternoon wind gets up.

The second biggest problem is also probably one of the best features of the area — it’s isolation and difficulty to reach. I did it the ‘expensive’ way — traveling direct from Singapore to Jakarta (in West Java), then sleeping in the Jakarta Airport Hotel as part of the mandatory overnight stay (US$100 — an absolute FORTUNE in Indo Rupiah), then the morning flight from Jakarta to Bandar Lampung (in southern Sumatra), and then a privately hired ‘bemo’ (taxi) to drive the final 5-6 hours around the volcano’s to Krui.

• The total travel time to Krui from Singapore (including layovers, etc.), which is only about 250 miles away, is 2 days.
• The nearest Bank/ATM machine — 2-2.5 hours away by taxi/motorbike (3-4 hours if by public bus).
• English is hardly spoken or understood ANYWHERE in the area (except by the few ex-pat surfers living/running surf camps in the area).

Again, these inconveniences are becoming easily overlooked after only one day of getting treated like royalty by the guys over at Karang Nyimbor Hotel. The place is probably somewhat similar to how Bali was a few decades ago — no huge crowds of panting, overage Aussies, no huge shopping markets, no nothing, really.

And now the wind is dropping — the surf is picking up — the weather is gorgeous. Fucking ‘ell, man. It’s absolutely awesome. THIS is the shit I came out here for!! I’m going surfing for a bit, I’ll see y’all in a few days (or so…).

P.S. AmTrust Direct Bank STILL sucks ass!! Fuck, I can’t even get onto the AmTrust website anymore. Could someone back in the States try to get on and see if it’s just cuz they’re blocking overseas customers (i.e., ME) or if the entire Bank is gone. Thanks all!

Hey folks!

It’s okay to come on back now everyone, I’m fairly calm now. But Jesus H. Christ on a pogo-fucking-stick, if I haven’t had a nerve-wracking past few days.

First off, as noted in my last post, no one should EVER use AmTrust Bank for ANYTHING. EVER!! (unless you don’t WANT to ever see your money again, of course). Fuck, I know there’s a recession going on back in the States, but that doesn’t mean the bank can simply STEAL my goddamn money!!

Regardless, that’s what having an extra stash in your bank account is for, right?

Umm … yeah, not so much.

That’s not to say that, besides also having the typical low-level ‘scamming’ thing going on, the local guys over at the Family Losman next door were also great hosts (although their facilities aren’t as extensive as Andy’s), so don’t believe anything bad you may hear about them either. They’re a bit cheaper, and they’ve just got a less extensive hotel/losman (i.e., Andy’s got A/C rooms, a TV room, etc.). It just depends on what you want to do and pay.

So I’m here at Karang Nyimbor for another couple weeks — it’s still not crowded in the surf, and my stress level has been reduced exponentially regarding money, so everything’s cool.

Granted, it would be nice if the surf picks up a bit … but for now, I’m just thankful for what I’ve got.